Big Bad Alphas novel Chapter 34

    "Is it weird not having mom here?"

   "It was weird without you at home," Kendra tells me as she gets comfortable underneath the blankets. "I want to be here with you, Isabella."

   "You are here with me."

   The lights in the guest room are dim. I sit beside Kendra, looking down at her beautiful face as she fights to keep her eyes open. I shut all the curtains and made sure everything is perfect for her to sleep soundly, which included closing the bathroom door. Now that everything is settled, she yawns. "I know. But I want to stay here forever, with you."

   "Don't be silly," I mumble and brush back the dark, stray hairs from her face. "I'll be just a door away, okay?"

   She nods.

   I turn off the remaining light and leave the door cracked open. Today we walked around the pack with Caroline—luckily, there was no tree climbing—and Kendra took a liking to her. Caroline is enjoying having a little girl in the house, placing her in the role of the younger sister, the one she never had.

   I let go of the guest room door handle and glance to my bedroom doors. I swallow. Part of me wants to run downstairs and sleep on the couch, but the other needs to get past this bump in the road. I inhale, then exhale, then reluctantly push one of the doors open. The main light is off, and the room is lit warmly by the bathroom light as it trickles through the almost closed door. Expecting Eric to be in there, my muscles relax, but when I turn to the bed, I spot him sitting on the edge with his head in his hands.

   My heart starts up its rapid pace again, the one I just calmed in the hall. His eyes peer up to me, and the guilty feeling seeps through my skin. I want to say something, but I am not sure what. Eric looks away and I want to fall to the floor.

   My lips part, ready for words. "What I said," I pause, "I just... I didn't want to hurt you, but I ended up hurting you anyways—worse than it would have been." His eyes continue to avoid me. "Eric—just tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it because you're not listening to what I'm saying. What do you what to hear? That I wanted it? Do you truly believe that I did?"

   "Please, Isabella," he mutters, almost asking me to shut it as if I'm giving him a headache.

   "What do you want me to say? I've told you that he kissed me, that I made a mistake, that I didn't ask for it. I want to tell you why I didn't say anything, I really do, but I can't."

   "What can't you?"

   All I want is for him to look at me, to see me, to see that I'm trying. "Because I don't know why. I had reasons, that I didn't want to hurt you, that I didn't want Lucas' search to be put off, but none of them seem to make sense when I think hard enough. I just—I wanted to pretend like it never happened."

   Eric's eyes continue to avoid mine, and I can't take it. "Will you at least look at me when I'm talking to you?"

   Eric stands up, turns, and walks towards me, something I did not expect. I watch him with a racing heart until he comes to a stop, right in front of me. "Better?"

   "I tried to hurt you earlier, and I'm sorry. It was uncalled for. You didn't believe me and that hurt." His intimidating stature towers over me, making me feel small and weak. "I hurt you, you hurt me, why can't we both apologize and have this be over?"

   "Because I did not kiss anyone that isn't you."

   Shaky breaths leave me as I try and grasp onto my anger, as I try to hold it down. "What do you want me to say?" I ask calmly, but it does not last. "I've told you over and over again. He kissed me. Alpha Kenn kissed me. I didn't want it. I didn't ask for it! You're being a child! Just listen to—"

   "Enough, Isabella," he cuts me off and makes the move to walk away, but I grasp onto him.