Since the talk with Sydney I've been spacing out a lot even when I'm talking to Harry.
"I can't believe you're now keeping secrets from me B. Yeah I respect there yours to keep but what happened to telling each other everything?" Harry starts his daily rants. I roll my eyes.
"I've told you Harry, I can't tell you and for a record I'm not entitled to tell you every goddamn thing. Just let it be." I made a promise to Sydney and I can't break it. He made me swear to never tell this even to Harry. Besides telling him would also be risking his life. I can't do that to him.
"You've not been yourself these past week since you left with that Kings man." I start laughing. Harry doesn't like Sydney and has been calling him all sorts of names that come to his mind. "Just tell me what happened. I don't trust him."
I take a glass of water and take a large gulp. This talk and not telling Harry leaves me feeling tired and exasperated. "You never told me about Amelia for two years." I give him a pointed glare which he only rolls his eyes.
"You'll tell me when you want to. I need to go to the studio." I only nod knowing he's irritated. Well, that makes the two of us.
"Don't forget my shoot in two days." I wanted a pregnancy shoot. Harry suggested it to me and I loved the idea. Actually I set the day that was his birthday so Amelia and some friends could get time to organize his surprise party.
Harry mutters a yes and heads out leaving me to my thoughts. I unconsciously start rubbing my now showing belly in a soothing manner until I feel some slight movement making me stop. The baby just moved! I've been waiting for this since I accepted my baby and to say that I'm happy is an understatement.
My excitement dims a little when I think of how Sydney would react but I forcefully steer my mind from him and concentrate on my baby. A few minutes later I think about Sydney's offer. Accepting will mean that my baby gets a complete family. But I remember Sydney said for a year. I can't leave my baby behind. Sydney will want to get married to someone else probably and I just can't tolerate the idea of someone else raising my baby. What if he raises him to succeed his mafia title?
What will my baby think of me? Sydney is a busy man. Will my baby even get the love it deserves? Will it's step mom treat it with care and love? I totally doubt it. All my life I wondered why my parents hated me. Why my mom left only to die from cocaine overdose leaving me with a ruthless father who despised me. When I found out they weren't my parents I felt very relieved but the 'what if' questions started.
What if I was raised my my real mum, would I have turned out differently? Maybe a snob?
Would I be with more friends? The questions became unbearable until I willed them to stop. At least with this life I got to witness the struggles people endure each day. I got to experience so many difficulties and I proudly endured them. Heck! I even dated a criminal. I got to have Harry in my life.
So no. I won't leave my baby behind. For my baby, Sydney has to decide.
Me: We need to talk. Meet in the coffee shop we once went to.
I text Sydney using his words making me grin. This time, I make the rules.
I look at the mirror for the last time. I'm dressed in a red sundress and black boots. My hair is tied in a high ponytail and my face void of any makeup apart from the red lipgloss. I pick up my black purse and decide to walk to the coffee shop which is around the corner.
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