Ex-Husband’s Regret by Evelyn M.M novel Chapter 514

"How did you feel seeing Gunner?” Mia asks, her eyes as always were perceptive. Staring at me like she could see straight into my soul.

Given that I’ve gone back to work, we’ve had to move things around to fit my new schedule. Most of my sessions are now scheduled between four thirty and six in the evening.

I already know the answer to that. I don’t need to think about it. Thinking about that day, though, fills my eyes with tears.

“Heart wrenching,” I all but whisper the words.

It feels like it’s been forced out of me. Out of the deepest parts of my soul. I try to force the sob that threatens to break free, but it’s useless. I tears out of me painfully, leaving me breathless.

“How so?” Mia asks, handing me tissue paper.

I take it and wipe the tears falling down my face. It does no good because they keep flowing like a damn river. Getting angry at them for how they keep falling, I ball the tissue in frustration before chucking it in the dustbin.

“I saw it in his eyes, he hated me.” I begin giving up on my battle against the tears that kept falling down my face. “There was so much anger reflected in his eyes. So much bitterness.”

The image of his eyes glaring at me with those emotions is still imprinted on my head and heart. They still burn me in ways I can't even begin to explain.

“Emma,”

I angrily wipe away my tears with the back of my hand.

“It destroyed me, Mia. It destroyed me, knowing that it was my fault. That I am the one that put emotions in his eyes and heart.”

I start heaving. I am having difficulty breathing as the intensity of my emotions chocks me. Robbing me of the ability to breathe properly.

I continue, “His eyes haunt me. When I go to sleep, they are there in my dreams. When I wake up, they are there, staring accusingly at me. I see them everywhere I look. Everywhere I turn. I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll get back to Gunner. Right now, I am worried about you. I sense a lot of anger and bitterness towards yourself, Emma.”

I don’t say anything because I can’t deny it. I honestly feel disgusted with myself. How can I call myself a mother when I caused such havoc in my child’s life? How can I be okay with myself when I literally brought such emotions into him? Children should remain innocent for as long as they can. They should not feel any kind of hatred, anger, or bitterness. I took Gunner’s innocence when I caused him to feel such emotions.

“I’m not really happy with myself,“ I tell her honestly, my head bowed down in shame and regret.