Forbidden Heat novel Chapter 190

Clearly Lucien no longer wanted me to work with Edward at the lab, I mean, he even ordered me to stay home instead of going to the lab today. He could have told Edward of his decision directly without framing it as something that I wanted though. Now Edward probably thinks that I no longer want to see him which might not be wrong. Afterall, I don’t even know what I think or want anymore and until I figure that out, I’m not going to reply to his text. I can always pray that he doesn’t call.

So many things are happening at the same time and I’m mega confused about what to do and also what I’m feeling. Lucien is engaged to Angela and should be announcing their wedding date soon. On the other hand, he seduced me in the bath during the cruise. From that day onwards, he hasn’t touched me or spent much time alone with me. I have no idea what he is thinking or if he’s even thinking of anything. His marriage is obviously arranged by the elder but that isn’t proof that he is not in love with Angela. I don’t think Lucien will marry without love, he married my mother out of love for her and now I am in love with the same man. Am I fine with Lucien marrying Angela? If I wasn’t, what can I do about it?

Zak and our relationship are also in a big mess. Zak will be forced into an engagement with Annie soon, I can bet my life and whatever I have to my name on it. Zak seems fine with it but is he really? What about Annie? Will she want to marry Zak if she finds out about his real character? Zak shows no sign of putting an end to our relationship either. I promised Zak that I would never leave him unless he asked me to and I intend to keep my word. Does this mean that we’ll still be lovers even after his marriage to Annie? Am I even ok with Zak marrying Annie in the first place?

Edward is a smart, evil, and sexy mess. Lately, the tenderness and passion that he’s shown to me is driving me crazy with lust, confusion and finally fear. I don’t know what he wants and it seems like he is always a couple of steps ahead of me. I sense that he knows things that I don’t or that he’s keeping some secrets from me. The worst part would be his belief that any problems that could arise from our relationship can be easily fixed if he just marries me. I don’t know what he wants from me but the bigger problem is that I don’t know what I want from him.

Then, there’s Reiner. I can’t see through his professional butler slash bodyguard front at all. He toys with me while clearly showing that he doesn’t even view me as a woman. He doesn’t seem to want anything from me either. The worst thing about all this is that he may be the man who could ruin my relationship with Lucien, Edward and even Zak. I need to find a way to get him on my side…

I need to think and sort out this mess I call life.

“There you are.”

I turned around to see Reiner walking slowly towards me.

Oh god, how did he find me here? Am I still crying? I quickly turned away as I wiped the tears from my eyes and face. He didn’t see me crying just now, did he?

“Hi R. Were you looking for me?” I asked without turning to look at him.

No good. The next moment his face was right in front of mine. Too close. Although I was still sitting on the tree branch, Reiner’s height made it so that his face was almost level with mine.