Hatred With Benefits novel Chapter 79

EVA.

"Hanna?" I call out her name and she sighs. "Eva, I'm so glad you're here. " I step to the side and she hurriedly walks inside.

When I turn to her, I say, "What are you doing here and–" I don't get to finish my words before Hanna closes the distance between us and wraps her arms around me, her head moving against me as she whispers, "You're fine. You're fine, aren't you, Eva?"

I pull her away to stare into her eyes, my voice breaking as I let out the words. "Did he ask you to come here?"

"Emerson?" She calls it out for me and she shakes her head when I hum. "No, he didn't. I– I just wanted to make sure you're alright. "

"So you know he's gone?" I ask her and she takes a step away, guilt covering her expression as she looks down. She raises her head again after a while and starts to speak, "I can assure you that he didn't tell me. I only know because El—"

"I don't want to hear it. " I whisper and she closes her mouth, a sad expression covering her face as she bends a little to grab my hands. "I'm so sorry, Eva. I don't know the full story, and I probably don't have the right to say this, but I want you to know that Emerson isn't—"

"He isn't the type of guy to stay in one place for too long. He probably got bored. " I let out a sad chuckle and she shakes her head, "That's not what you think. "

"Yes, that's not what I think because that's what I know. He left, Hanna. Your brother left. " I drop my hands from hers and start to move to the other side with her trailing behind me. "Yes, he did but you don't think he did that because he was bored. Eva? That's not what you think, is it?"

"I don't know, Hanna!" I raise my voice and then sigh when I turn back to the horrified look on her face. "I'm sorry. I— I'm sorry for raising my voice just now. I just... I don't know what to think other than the fact that he left me. "

"I know, " she smiles as she strides closer. "But you should also know that he wouldn't do that without a good reason. I'm not trying to defend his actions because I don't know what they are myself, Eva but I know my brother, and I know he is the happiest when he's with you so why would he want to leave that happiness without a valid reason? Just think about it. Why'd he just leave if he loves you?"

"Maybe he didn't love me as well as he thought he did. Or I did. " I raise my shoulder and she shakes her head again. "No, you don't mean that. You're only saying that because you're hurt, and you're in pain and you're—"

"And I just want to forget about it all. " I complete her words. "I just want to forget about your brother, and the way he made me feel and this place, and the memories and everything else that was between us. "

"Eva—"

"If I don't do it, then I'll lose it. " I whisper, rubbing my thumb under my eyes to stop the tears. "If I don't force myself to forget about how I felt for him, then I'll turn insane because these things I feel without him here; they're strong... And they get stronger with each second without him. "

"Eva. " She calls again, her voice softer this time and I let out a small laugh. "It's only been two days but it feels like I've been through a whole year of hell. I can't go on like this. I can't keep getting hurt because I'm not enough for him. Because I wasn't enough for him to stay. "

"I'm so sorry. " She says and I smile, stroking my cheeks to wipe my tears. "I won't stay here. "

"He'll be back. " She assures me and I say, "I won't be here when that happens. "

"Eva, leaving will only worsen things. I know you know that. " She grabs my hands again, "You once told me that you can't imagine how your life would be without him so why would you want to leave when it would never be fine without him?"

"Because I can't stay! God, don't you understand? He did this. It was easy for him to do this to me, and he'll do it again. " When the time comes, Emerson Ford will leave me again and again, and I'll get hurt again and again, and every single fucking time I will have to pick myself up because I let him do that to me. Every single time, I have to go through all this, just because I love him and for what? For a guy that will do it again when he has a 'good' reason.

"He won't. " Hanna's voice brings me back to the reality that's before me and I scoff, "Your brother isn't who you think he is, Hanna. "

"He's not, " she agrees. "He's stupid, and he does stupid things without thinking about how they end. Just like this. This was a stupid move from him, but you can't throw everything away now, Eva. You were doing so well... The both of us. "

"Until we weren't. " I say and she sighs. She drops her hands from mine and turns away from me, her hands moving to my hair as she paces across the room. When she turns to me again, she says, "He's at New York. "

"What?" The tremor in my voice doesn't hide the shock that comes with that one word. New York?

"He's with Elias, our—"

"Older brother. He told me about him. " I say and she nods, moving closer to me again. "I don't know the whole story because Emery told me nothing. Elias was the one who revealed it to me, and he didn't tell me much either, but what I do know is that he went there for you, Eva. "

"He went to New York, where your brother is? For me? " A laugh falls from my lips and it only gets louder, till I feel like I'm insane and maybe I am. I thought he could be anywhere, but I didn't think he'd leave the damn whole fucking state without fucking saying it to my face.

"I'm truly sorry, Eva. " She utters and I shake my head as I turn my back to her. I raise my head to the ceiling as I attempt to blink back my tears, but despite that; one still manages to escape and I wipe my hand across my cheek harshly; the skin burning from the touch.

"Eva—"

"I appreciate you coming here to try and explain things to me, Hanna. And for– and for checking up on me, but I think you should leave now. " I say to her without turning back and there are sounds of her footsteps before Hanna appears in front of me.

"There are tears in your eyes. " She whispers and then tries to lift her hand to my face but I'm quick to step back before her skin can touch mine. "I just want to—"