Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 43

Caraphernelia

- a broken-heart disease that occurs whenever someone leaves you, but leaves all of their things behind

43

"Tell me to leave." He says.

I didn't answer.

"Push me away. Treat me like a complete shit like how I treated you before." he says.

I didn't answer again.

He looks at me and my eyes couldn't look away. Oh Nick I can't do that. Even if you hurt me, I can't hurt you like that cos I love you and I'm too scared of pushing you away cos I know you won't come back.

"Make me leave Savannah." He added.

I shake my head, my words are not coming out from my lips and I don't know why.

"If you'll tell me to go then I'll go. I'll leave you." He continues as I feel his breath on my neck. But I shake my head once again.

His arms were wrapping around my entire body. He's hugging me close to him that I can't seem to move away cos I love our position. My arms were on my sides. I'm not hugging him back. I don't want to feel anything attached to us anymore cos I'm the only one who's going to get hurt. I'm the only one who'll cry over this.

"I just don't know how to stop myself from wanting you." His lips are moving now, kissing his way up on my ear.

"Then don't." I say.

He shakes his head. "But you don't deserve this. You don't need this."

I shut my eyes. I don't need this but I want this. I'm as confused as you Nick. I know what I want but I just don't know how long will I want it. I don't know how long I could endure this pain

His lips moving up on my jaw, giving it a quick kiss then he moves his way to my mouth. He kisses me lightly while his hands were both cupping my cheeks. My lips is opening intently for him and I kiss him back. I pull him closer to me so I could feel him against me. Here I go again, loosing it just cos he's kissing me. It's wrong cos this will hurt me more. I know after this thing, it will end ugly like the other times but I just want this so much.

He pauses and looks into my eyes as if he's looking for a stray eyelash. "I can't give you more than this." He whispers.

"I know Nick. I know." My voice is shaking and I know he notices it too.

I'm feel like crying again. Damn it.

"I just can't." He added.

But I pulled him in towards me until our lips are kissing again not caring what he said, and not caring if it will hurt me. We completely devour each other. It's been almost a month since we saw each other. Almost a month since we kissed, touched and fucked. He leads me to the bed while we were racing to get each other naked.

I take a few steps back carefully while our lips were still connected to each other. He pulls out my baggy shirt off of me and I help him unbutton his pants while he pulled out his shirt off of him too.

"Let's fuck until my feelings are gone Nick." I tell him.

He pulls out a foil, he came prepared. I smiled during our kiss while I feel from the back of my knee that we were close to the bed now. I lay down as I spread my legs wide for him while I watch him licking his lips.

"Are you sure?" He asks.

I nod. "I told you I'm not stopping this. I don't want to stop what we have."

"But it will hurt you."

"I'll deal with the pain." I say confidently even though it's already killing me deep down inside.

He takes off his jeans along with his boxer brief and his erection springs free. He opens the foil and puts on the condom over his length then he slips my underwear off of me. He's over me, against me and the next second inside me.

Sex. This is just sex. I reminded myself. He's not giving you the other part of him Savannah. Stop assuming and expecting for something that he can never give you cos it's not there. It will never be there.

His movement is slow, unlike the one from that night. I feel his tip till the end of his length as it goes in and out slowly. His mouth finds my mouth and he was kissing me terribly amazing but our eyes were looking at each other. Our eyes were open. I'm not closing my eyes cos I'm trying to stop myself from loving him too much. I'm not closing my eyes cos I don't want my emotions to get involve with this. But as I look into his eyes while we kiss, the way his eyes looks at me is completely different from what he's showing and telling me.

I know you want me Nick. I know you do. I can tell it by the way you look at me.

My body arches a little as I clawed the bedsheets while his hand was holding my waists. I feel him gaining speed and more speed. He slams into me deeply for a second then the next he's pulling out. He's repetitive and his speed is constant. A little voice whispers to my ears that this is ugly. What we have is purely gruesome. This is fucked up. This is broken.

But this is all I want.

"Don't stop." I moaned.

He runs his tongue over my lips. "Not planning to."

He applies more pressure on my hips when he grabs my legs behind my knees and pulls it up placing it in between our chests. It's a different position from what we usually do and somehow I feel him thrusting even deeper inside me.

"Nick. Oh my God!" I moaned and calling God and even Jesus Christ.

I'm already pulling my hair cos it's too much greatness inside. The movement is too good. His lips landed on mine and I was already closing my eyes. Our kiss was hard, as deep as he's thrusting me.

I'm shaking.

My legs are shaking.

My entire body is shaking.

I'm shuddering and so does he.

He pushes inside me one last time while his lips is still on my mouth. "Savannah." He's moaning my name against my lips.

"Fuck." He curses.

He pulls out slowly from me and we were both trying to catch our breath. "Us. This is so fucking great. God."