Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 47

Kalopsia

- the delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are

Origin: Greek

47

SAVANNAH'S POV

I was sitting down inside a coffee shop, rewriting my 500-word essay for this Friday. I have been here for almost an hour now and I'm still not halfway through. My neck is already hurting and my wrist is starting to hurt as well. I take a sip from my frappe and it's already four in the afternoon.

"Savannah. Good to see you here."

I pulled my head up and it was Alec. He walks closer to my table. I haven't seen or talked to him after that night when I eavesdropped his conversation with Nick. I have tried to ignore him too cos I'm ashamed of myself. He knows the thing I have with Nick.

"Can I share a table?" He asked.

I just stared at him and he says, "Don't worry I'm alone."

I nod.

Alec pulls out the chair across me and sat down with a smile. "How are you?"

"Fine. Thanks." I answered.

He takes a sip from his coffee and neither of us tried to talk anymore. I continued writing on my essay.

"About that night Savannah." He says.

I slightly pulled my head up to him.

"I know you've heard everything and I feel bad about it." He says.

I bite my lip.

"I don't know why Nick is treating you this way. You clearly don't deserve this kind of... Brokenness and ugliness." He added.

I exhale and put my pen back down. I stare at him and he looked totally sorry about what he said that night though he didn't really say anything bad against me.

"I'm just too embarrassed now that you know I'm only screwing Nick and he's doing the same thing." I say softly.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most college students are stuck on being just friends with benefits. The only difference is, you're in love. I know you love him Savannah. That night when I saw those tears on your face, I know you wanted more from what Nick is giving you but--"

"But he can't give me what I need." I continue his sentence for him.

I looked away and hear Alec exhaling heavily. "I wouldn't ask those things if I knew you were there."

I smirked and said, "I wouldn't know his answers if you knew I was there."

"But are you okay with this set up with Nick? You know you're going to hurt yourself if you keep on doing this."

I exhale heavily, as if I'm having a hard time to breathe.

"I want to continue with whatever I have with Nick.... Even though it's hurting me."

I look back at Alec while he looks at me. He pity me. I could see from his eyes. He knows too well that Nick won't love me. He knows him too well and that look on his eyes is breaking me.

"Why do you want this?" He asked.

"I'm a fool for him, Alec." I say.

His brows are creasing.

"I love Nick and I'll try to keep up with this though it hurts. This will end someday and before it'll end I just want to make most of my time with him." I added.

He looks down on the table. "If you give him more time I know he'll realize that he loves you too."

I laugh humorlessly. "I think that's never gonna happen."

"Then if you think so, why do you still want to go on with this kind of thing Savannah when you know it's never gonna happen? You're inflicting pain to your own self."

"Maybe I'm still hoping he could change. He could change for me." I say.

"Savannah, you're already a dear friend to me and trust me when I say Nick's heart is already sealed long ago. It's already as hard as a rock now." He says.

I feel my tears filling my eyes. I bent my head down and wiped it away before it could fall down on my cheeks.

"I know. I know he couldn't love again but still here I am hoping that he will. That he could." My voice is shaking.

Alec stands from where he was sitting and sits down right next to me. He holds me close and I was hugging him cos it's what I need. I need to tell someone other than Nick about this thing that's going on between me and him cos this is so unhealthy to the both of us.

"I hope he can realize it before it's too late cos you're an amazing woman Savannah. It'll be Nick's loss." He says to me.

I pulled myself away and he handed me a ply of tissue. I wiped my tears and he's still looking at me. It's nice to hear at coming from Nick's best friend, he knows it's Nick's loss. I hope I'm a loss to him cos the way he's treating me, isn't telling me I am a loss once I'll be gone.

"Why don't you take Nick less seriously? Keep it strictly physical." He says.

"I'm trying."

"Go out with another guy....who likes you." He says.

I sigh. "No guy likes me."

He laughs. "Are you kidding me? All Aries talks about when you're not around is you."

"What?"

His eyes widened. "Shit. Don't tell him I said that."

I laugh softly. "Aries is a playboy, Alec."

"He is. But I think you have this affect on him cos since that night when you saved him from getting beaten up, all he ever asked me about was you. He's not even seeing women anymore." He says.

"He's not?" I asked.

He shakes his head. "Not anymore. I usually see him with different women every night before but after that night when you first came at the frat party, he tried his best to stay away from women."

I paused.

"We even tried to make fun of him. Aries is a known playboy but every time a girl comes around, he turns them down." he added.

I smirked. "I don't really know who's side you're on right now. Are you taking Nick's side or Aries'?"

He laughs. "No one's."

I exhale.

"All I'm trying to say is, don't make yourself too unavailable to other men cos of what you have with Nick." He tells me.

I smiled at myself.

"I know Nick is my best friend but you deserve to be loved the way you should be. You're a beautiful woman, Savannah. A lot of men could be after you and you just don't know it cos you're too focused on Nick." He added.

I moved my head up to him and I know he is right. I'm setting myself too closed around Nick. Alec is right, I shouldn't be taking this thing I have with Nick seriously. I need to meet other men, no sex though, but just hanging out.