Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 52

Gemes

- the anger one feels inside but cannot find a way to express it.

Origin: Javanese

52

That Saturday afternoon, we went to a nearby small grocery store and bought a few foods until tomorrow. Nick was the one picking what he needs since he's the one who'll do all the cooking. I was the one pushing the cart for us though I bought a few foods too like junk foods, some chips, chocolate cookies, gummy worms, popcorn, and some other stuff that is to my own liking.

Nick was busy picking some perfect sauce for the pasta he'll be making tonight while I searched for a milk for me to drink. It may sound crazy but I usually choose the most beautiful milk container and that's how I choose milk aside from it being low fat. I head back to where the gummies were and every single thing was just deliciously tempting to buy.

"Hi. Excuse me dear." An old woman who wore a red trench coat approached me.

I smiled. "Hi ma'm. Can I be of any help?"

I sounded like a saleslady.

"Oh don't worry about me. I am more worried about you." She holds my arm.

I paused. "Me?"

She nods and looks over at Nick. "Why are you with that man?"

I looked over at Nick and he watches me talking to this old woman. I stared back at her and she looked so serious. "You should be careful around him." She says.

"I should be careful? With Nick?"

She nods again. "Yes dear."

She's the third person to tell me to be careful around Nick. Why? What's with Nick that I should really be careful about? What's Nick hiding from me?

"W-why?" I asked.

"Cos he's a--"

"Something going on here?"

She was cut off of what she was going to tell me by Nick. How'd he came here so fast? Nick stands right next to me and stares at the old woman then at me.

I shake my head. "No. She was just asking for directions where the fruits are."

Nick stares at the old woman intently and she looks back at him with fear in her eyes. He starts telling her where the fruits were placed and she hurriedly walks away but her eyes were glued to me.

"Do you know her?" I asked him.

"Yeah. She's Mrs. Tonkin. Her husband died cos of a stray bullet in New Year's."

He turned to me. "Done picking your gummies?"

I smiled. "Almost. Just a second."

Late that afternoon, while Nick was busy preparing for our dinner, I headed out of my room to help him and then I stared at his bedroom door. I looked at the stairs if he would come up but he wasn't. I slowly marched my way near his door and slowly opened it. I wanted to see how his room looks like. I wanted to compare his old room grin the one has at the frat house.

Once the door creaks open, I noticed that his walls were all white, there were no curtains and the bedsheets were dark blue. I see a few picture frames all lined up and I hurriedly went inside his room then walked to it.

My heart broke down when I saw a picture of a younger version of Nick together with this very beautiful blond haired and blue eyed woman. Now I know how Catherine looks like. She's so beautiful it hurts me cos I look nothing like her. They look so perfect for each other. Nick was smiling on the first picture, and I've never seen that smile before. I've never seen him smile like that at me before. The second picture, Nick was kissing her cheek while she was on his lap wrapping her arms around his neck and they seemed so in love.

The third one, Tracy and another girl were with them. I think that's Jenna. Tracy told me once about her old best friend. The fourth photo, Catherine and Nick were with Alec. They were posing some wacky faces. Nick seemed so happy with her. The last frame was a solo picture of Catherine. I grabbed it as my tears were filling my eyes. I'm crying cos I'm hurt. I'm crying cos I know we can never be like this. I'm crying cos Catherine is too beautiful to compete.

"So you're Catherine..." I say.

I exhale as I put it back down on his drawer. I stood up and walked out of his room. I closed the door and tears were falling down on my face. He's still in love with her. He'll always be in love with her cos she became a big part of his life.

That night, while Nick was making our dinner and I was with him, the pictures in his room bothered me too much and I still asked myself what could've that old woman was about to say. I would want to ask Nick about it but what if he'll just get mad that I asked him. The way that old woman looked at Nick, it's like he's at fault. It's like he did something that she's scared of.

During dinner, I was still thinking about what that old woman said and then about how beautiful Catherine was too. I think Nick didn't notice that I was bothered or somewhat like that cos he's used to the both of us getting quiet all of a sudden. Dinner was lovely as always and we had a little talk. We washed the dishes together and talked a little bit too.

When we were done washing the dishes, we watched this movie called P.S I Love You. I was crying my heart out while I was watching it. The movie was very touching that made me tear up like a baby. Nick, who was sitting down right next to me, kept handing me tissues. One ply after the other. I think he's laughing at me too but I was so focused on the movie. When the movie ended, I was still wiping my tears away.

"You are so emotional when it comes to movies." He says.

"It was a beautiful movie and don't you dare fight with me about it." I pointed my finger out to him and he's just laughing.

"The last time we watched a movie together, we didn't finish it cos I was crying too much so I wanted to finish this one this time." I say.

He smiled. "You even finished the popcorn all to yourself."

I hit him. "You took some from it too."

I stand from the couch and headed to kitchen. "Want me to grab some drinks for you?" I asked him while I was standing by the doorway.

"Anything." He says.

"Orange juice." I snapped and he was smiling at me.

I smirked and headed inside the kitchen. I marched to the refrigerator and saw cans of beers so I pulled out a pack then headed out of he kitchen as I pulled out the pack for him to see it.

"Beer?" I smiled.

He sighs. "Where did you get that?"

"Inside the fridge. That means she wants to be drank." I say as I walk towards him.

"She? I didn't know beers had a gender preference." he chuckles.

I laughed with him as I sat back down on the couch right next to him and placed the pack of beers before us.

"You know I don't drink much." He says.

"Who says we're finishing it all? We're just going to take a few cans. Maybe two for each of us."

He held my chin and pulled me towards his direction so I could face him. "You were never a drinker when I met you."

I smile. "Peer pressure."

He pulled his lips away from my mouth and placed it against my neck. He's picking up speed while he spreads my legs wider with one hand. He holds it still as he drills me. My fingers clawing on his back as I convulse. I'm loud as he goes deeper and harder inside me. I didn't care how loud we are since we were alone inside this house anyways and it's hard not to scream when Nick is as hard, as fast and as deep as he is now.

"Catherine..." He says.

My eyes widened and I gasped in disbelief of what I heard. He just called out her name. He just called out Catherine. My tears slowly gathers into my eyes but I'm still moaning.

"Oh god Catherine." He calls out her name again.

Nick quickly stopped thrusting me and he pulled his head away. I think he realized whose name he just called out. He looks into my eyes and bends his head down low as he exhales.

"I'm sorry Savannah." He says.

He looks back at me again at the same time my tears crawled out the corners of my eyes. He quickly wipes it. He feels sorry for what he said. His eyes looked sorry.

"Just hurry it up and finish." I say weakly.

I bit my lower lip and looked away. I was looking at the door. Nick still wasn't moving. He's just inside me and he's not pulling in or out. He's still looking at me. He looks guilty of what he said. I don't care if he's guilty or sorry or not cos he hurt me. He's having sex with me but he's thinking he's having sex with Catherine. He said her name. He fucking said her name out loud like that. No wonder his eyes are closed.

I feel so dirty of myself and I'm so stupid I just realized that. I let him use me all the time. I let him fulfill his fantasies cos I love him even though it's deadly obvious he's not going to date me. He's not going to love me. He's not going to un-love her.

"Didn't you hear me?" I looked back at him and he looks at me pitifully.

"Hurry it up and fucking finish!" I raised my voice at him.

He starts to pull himself in and out again while my tears were still falling out from the corners of my eyes. He lasted for twenty more minutes and when he was done, he laid down right next to me.

He's panting. "I'm sorry."

I got myself up right away and picked my shirt, underwear and shorts from the floor. I started wearing it back on me while I fight back my tears. I lay back down on the bed and turned my back to him as I cover myself with the blanket.

"When you're done, don't forget to close the door before you leave." I say as I wipe my tears.

I feel him holding my shoulders but I quickly pushed it away. "Don't say anything Nick. I don't wanna hear your sorry anymore."

I exhale. "Just get out." I spit.

I feel him getting up from the bed and watch him pick his clothes. He put it on him again and looks at me but I wasn't looking at him. He walks to the door and stands by the doorway. We exchanged glances and my heart screams when I look at him.

"You're so unfair Nick." I tell him as I try to stop myself from sobbing.

He bends his head down and leans his hand on the doorway. "I'm really sorry."

He grabs the knob and closed the door.

"You're so unfair." I whisper as I cry myself to sleep.

__________

SFTC:

Good Enough - Little Mix