Rejected Mate and Following Fate - Awakening Book novel Chapter 78

I stare from my bedroom window into the darkness of the dense forest and the distant mountains, rising like sinister slashes in the night, and try like crazy to feel him out there. Focusing everything I have in sensing him, connecting in some small way, just so I can fill that empty void of sadness that I have carried with me all day. His absence is like ripping out my soul and tossing it aside carelessly and nothing I have done can distract me form how much this hurts, how much I want him to come home to hug me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I’m emotionally weary, exhausted and have cried stupidly, on and off since I came to our room alone. Hating that it just amplifies how empty this place is without him.

Since the fog appeared all parts of our bond seem to be severed and nothing works, not even being able to feel his emotions or pain anymore. It’s like he’s dead, nonexistent and I can’t do anything except helplessly gaze for signs of our pack out there in the shadows and grasp onto the love I have for him and the hope that we can undo this.

We spotted them all day, through the trees, circling, watching us hungrily. Trying to get in, always aggressively attacking the walls if we ventured too close and now the whole village knows exactly what’s happened. How could they not. They could see them, hear them snarling and growling and they spotted their Alpha running wild and looking feral as he personally checked every inch of the perimeter for a way in.

The fog dispersed enough to see through it as though a murky morning haze lies over everything out there, but it’s not completely gone, it’s just spread further and wider and no longer condensed as it was, and we have no idea how many miles it stretches. For all we know it could be spreading far and wide and taking in packs galore as it creeps through the states.

One of our villagers came and told us her mind link to her pack family on the mountain ceased to work and I know that means the fog has possibly reached them too. The mountain has no protection against this, not in the way we do with the rune border, and I can only assume all are lost to this spell and engulfing their own mountain like ravenous zombies seeking something to devour.

This is the vampire’s new weapon, and we never saw it coming at all; we weren’t ready. Much like we never saw the frequency box coming and suffered such awful consequences of its first use against us. The fog is a much more efficient tool than the frequency ever was though. It’s turning our own people into their soldiers and doing their bidding for them. Turning on their kind, probably out there savagely mauling one another and I don’t doubt the mountain and beyond without magical protection has suffered more losses of our people if any had escaped the initial enchantment. I doubt many could get away from it though, so in a way, I guess being turned is safer than being out there unprotected. I can only hope that if they did escape the smog, that somehow, they have managed to find a shelter that our own kind can’t penetrate to get at them.

I don’t know if it can get inside the homes and the buildings as we have a distinct advantage living behind a barrier and no wish to test it. I wonder how many wolves beyond our lands have been affected, beyond Santos, or if the reach of the fog can only go so far seeing as it’s so much thinner now. I guess it has to elongate and spread until it’s not got anymore to distribute. I wonder if in its diluted state it may be less effective and less likely to affect us as quickly if we went out there.

I also wonder if maybe Meadow was right and the fog has to stay for the enchantment to work; that should it disperse for long enough would it somehow break the spell? It’s something that has plagued me all afternoon as I saw it clear up enough for us to see through the trees and it lit a tiny candle of hope deep down in my heart.

How long would that take? Days? Weeks? Months? I can’t live like this without him for even hours, so I don’t think I want to wait it out to see if this will just fade off and release them by itself. It’s only been one full day and my heart is bleeding with the absence of his touch, his laugh, his eternal warmth and attentive nature. I’m craving him like a drug that will kill me the longer I am without. The people are low, their hearts are heavy and the loss of our alpha hangs over all of us like a dark cloud.

My bed is cold and empty, uninviting, so I’ve not even tried to get in it since coming here to rest. The house and the surrounding grounds are almost silent, and you can feel the loss of our pack in every atom around us. The males and femmes out there are missed by every single house in the village, while we mourn for our loved ones and can’t escape the weight of grief it’s brought down upon us. There’s no joy, there’s no childish laughter or happy squeals in the air. All day it was as though Tawna was not the only wolf we need to lay to rest.

I checked on carmen through the day, but she was asleep and looked painfully peaceful in her vulnerable state. The doctor kept her medicated out of kindness, but I have asked to speak to her before we leave tomorrow. She needs to know what’s going on and not get secondhand information from others after I leave. It’s the least I can do, because if it were me, my own guilt and self-blame would eat me up knowing it was my mother that caused this. If it was me, I would emotionally take responsibility for all of it and I can only assume Carmen will too. She brought her here to keep her safe and yet gave her a means to end her life. I know how I would take this blow and I don’t think Carmen is as different to me as I first thought.

Her mother was bait. The vampires saw an opportunity to lure as many of us as they could, further than we have ever ventured. It’s why the kill was new. They waited and dragged her as far as they could until we started to get too close. Then they killed her in a frenzy and spread her body because they knew we wouldn’t leave her there. Wolves are respectful of the dead and our need to bury our own with ceremony meant we wouldn’t turn back. They made it so we couldn’t just pick her up and leave, because they needed time. To keep us out there and distracted while they put their spell in motion.

They had to know a wolf was about to run into the forests in an attempt of suicide, and they made full use of it. They must have been brewing their spell and waiting, getting ready, for a time when enough of us were out beyond our borders and away from our magical wall. Vampires possess some who can see things like seers do, and they have witches whom I know get visions, so I wonder if one of them had a dream that Tawna would run out and look for them to do what she couldn’t for herself. Kill her to end her misery and her mate’s life.

I think they know we have protection, I mean, with a witch among them she has to know she can’t get near the homestead in any kind of way. I don’t think we were the main target; I think we were one of many and just happened to give them a reason to do it now and an opportunity to add our numbers to the casualties. It’s rare for so many of us to be out there unprotected and if it wasn’t for Tawna, then we wouldn’t have gone out at all. I don’t want to lay blame at her feet, I don’t want to be callous but that pit of anger and despair in my heart cannot help but think of her, and what her actions have done. She left us with chaos that goes beyond the trauma she inflicted upon her child.

Meadow and I will leave at first light, taking the main road out and hope to god the pack out there don’t follow. My powers can buy us time and keep them far enough from the jeep but if they follow us all the way to New Mexico I have no idea how we will keep them off. Sierra figures she can protect our vehicle from the fog somehow and spent hours in the spell rooms looking for anything that might help us stay safe on our trip.

Meadow’s a warrior, one of the best, and I am capable of so much, but neither of us want to fight our own family. Our own mates. So anything that shields us and stops us from having to physically interact is a must. We love them, all of them, and our sub pack are among those who have been enchanted. We wouldn’t want to battle any of them even if it came down to it, even if our lives depended on it. I couldn’t force myself to hurt a hair on a single wolf’s head who is lost out there.

The plan is to drive fast and have me keep them back, keep them as far as I can, in the hopes they turn back and focus on circling the homestead once again while we drive off into the dust and head for the witch known as Leyanne. We need to get some distance and avoid all known wolf territory in case they too have been turned. We don’t have any idea of how far this goes or how many are infected. This area is predominantly Santo but there are smaller packs out there especially in the wilds, and once we leave Arizona, we will have to figure it out as we go. Packs generally don’t intermingle and there’s no love between different packs in our species. We are born territorial and get aggressive in defense of our spaces. I don’t expect warm greetings and offers of hospitality if we do find they are untouched by the spell.

We had sentinels pack the jeep with food and supplies to last a few days, even sleeping bags, and we aim to head for human territory by nightfall every day we are out there. The vampires aren’t really attacking anywhere the humans are in dense population; staying hidden for their own safety, and keeping this battle in the shadows between non mortals. Vampires and wolves still fear the wrath of humans. They may be the vulnerable ones, but humans are capable of horrible things when they shine a light on the dark secrets of our kinds. They outnumber us tenfold and have their ways of taking down our kinds. Surprisingly, for a species who are physically weaker and lack gifts like ours.

We lost many of all kinds in past centuries at their capable hands. Humans killing all who were different and forcing us into hiding. They still outnumber us in population, taking over most of the globe and have an uncanny ability to unite when faced with the supernatural. Their advances with weapons most definitely slow us down. Their ability to weaponize and accumulate large numbers and crash through our species with their steel vehicles and drop bombs galore, putting aside racial differences when the will to have their species prevail runs strong.

Our kinds have hidden for millennia, more so since numbers dwindled after the great vamp wars. It just always has been known that nonhumans should conceal and stay away, for the survival of all. We will never out populate them, because we don’t reproduce in numbers the way they can, and with all our inner species wars going on, we can never focus any kind of energy at subduing the humans. We have too many enemies within ourselves to ever unite for that one cause. History has always failed to keep them down and make it acceptable for our kind to walk free.

I’m distracted by a gentle knock on my bedroom door and I tune in, coming back to reality and that familiar pang of heartache; my body slumped because my life feels like it’s ebbing away tonight. I sense Meadow outside my door and taste her own deep and uncontrollable sadness even from this distance.

I’m up, come in. I link her and she doesn’t hesitate to push the heavy oak door in quickly. She looks exhausted, dark circle sunder her dull eyes and I can tell that much like me, she has no thoughts of sleep tonight. Anxiety reigning supreme, thrashing around in her heart and brain, and pining for the mate out there in the dark who is currently wandering around angrily trying to find a way in.

“You look tired, Chica, you should sleep. First light we got to get out of here and head for New Mexico. It’s going to be chaos getting through that fog.” Her soft tone wreaks of fatigue, her loose posture shows no hint of the strong femme I am used to seeing every day of my life.

“What about you? You’re the one driving… you should be resting more than me.” I point out as she wanders beside me to my open balcony door, the gentle breeze cooling my skin, and stares down at the view that has held my attention for the last half hour. A faraway look taking over her expression and she sighs heavily.

“I can’t even feel him… it’s like he’s just gone. Like they all are. One blink and poof…. We just lost them.” She utters sadly with so much pain in her voice that it makes my throat constrict and I choke on a subtle sob. I know exactly what she means and have been fighting myself not to let the tears come at me. I know once they do, I may not be able to stop them again

“We have to just focus on a solution, and deal with the loss we feel. It will only hinder us, and we can’t just give in.” I point out and slide my arm through hers, pulling her close to my body and lay my head on her shoulder. Needing touch, even hers so that I can pull strength from somewhere, and she nestles against me mirroring my feelings.

“How did they know…. How were they so ready? It’s like they waited for an opportunity and we handed it right to them.”

“Seers probably” I sigh and am hit with a deep painful strike in my chest as the thought of Colton’s most recent dream comes at me from the recess of his mind, and I shudder. A prickle of intense unease and nerves rippling through my body and leaving me cold.

He had stood out there clawed up and devoid of any emotion staring right at me. Blank, just like he said that morning. Much like his dream he was disconnected and didn’t seem to know me and yes, I was so very afraid of him out there faced with him like that. I wonder if it really was something to come or more of a symbolization of that moment because most of it still makes no sense. I wouldn’t let him strike me down like that, I have abilities that even Colton can’t match, and I surely would change to heal myself. I push it out of my head and try not to ponder.

“Maybe they saw it coming long before Tawna even came here and got ready for the moment it did. Or maybe it was luck, and they intended to use the spell and it was just a fluke that we gave them the chance to make it count when we did.” I don’t really know, but speculating isn’t really changing anything.

“None of this is working you know. Fighting them, protecting ourselves, holding them off. They just find new ways and even when we win wars, they always come back. There’s never a resolution to any of it.” Meadows words deflate me, and I know she’s right. The vampires and the wolves and this bloody never-ending hatred of one another, it never ends and the wars, even after a decade, always rise again. It never solves anything; it just takes many of our numbers and then what. It only breeds more hatred, and the cycle keeps going. I can’t see that it will ever stop because no side will ever be satisfied until the other is destroyed. Vengeance is a toxic need.

“As long as either side holds a grudge, it won’t end” I exhale heavily and rub my temple with my free hand as a headache begins to ache inside. None of this feels real, much like a daymare and yet I can’t waken myself up from it at all.

“Then why haven’t the fates done anything? I mean you, you’re right here, and wasn’t that the whole point of the prophecy? To unite us, to end the wars, but it’s been months and yet we still fight and there’s no signs about what you are meant to do to be any kind of war-ender. It just feels like none of it was true.” Her words silence me and I’m ashamed to admit that this is a thought that hasn’t crossed my mind in months. So wrapped up in my new life, by Colton’s side, that I never stopped to think about what that prophecy implied I was meant to be. She’s right though. They said I would redress the balance and bring peace, but I have no idea how. Looking at this situation, I am not qualified to even begin to know how to put this to rights.

I need a manual on what to do to make that come about, but the fates are great at giving you nothing, and twisty turning endless roads to walk first. What with this recent turn of events, the vampires are not high on my list of possible friends and certainly not about to sit down and figure out a peace treaty with them. They just took my mate, my family, and my pack away from me, and turned them into mindless angry killers looking to end their own.

“The fates, if you haven’t noticed, are inherently vague and slow to do any kind of anything. I mean I was eighteen years old before they did a single thing about me and my gifts. Maybe it will be another eighteen before I get some sort of sign as to how to end our wars.” I bite it out harshly, a glimmer of resentment surfacing even though I know I should not doubt the higher powers.

We both sigh and she grips my arm tighter, her breathing shallowing and I look up to see what has her gasping. I spot them too. The dark figures of a combined pack of some fifty or more wolves moving through the fog as one fluid unit. Heading away, towards the mountain and it’s obvious even from here that the most familiar figures our mates and our sub pack are leading the way. Still leaders even under a spell. It’s a sight that crushes me.

We both stand stock still, held breaths, as we watch them disappear into the fog and my heart sinks as I lose sight of him. A fire emerging in my stomach and burning in my chest as rage builds from heartbreak.

“Screw the fates. Screw vampires…. We won’t take this lying down. We WILL get our pack back, our men. What’s the point of being some kind of hybrid with gifts if I stay in here crying over this. You’re right. I AM something special and maybe us pursuing this witch and doing what we need to do will change something… if not, at the very least, we get our mates back. We make her help us and we prioritize our pack above all.” There’s a tinge of anger in my voice and I stand up rigidly, letting that despair turn to icy determination, that pain turn into stubborn decision, much like so many months ago when I left to go run free alone in the mountains and forests to find my own path. Wasn’t that when the fates started to give me nudges of help. When I let my decision and instinct take over and went looking for myself for some kind of solution to my predicament.