Second Assault — Bond And Treason — novel Chapter 5

Friday, April 5th. Yaakov's room, 3:25 a.m.

ALEXEI

—Xander!

I wake up with a jump, drenched in sweat, struggling to fill my lungs with air and screaming his name once again. Three days now... Three bloody, torturous days without him and still not have the answers I need to go after my partner.

I'm losing my mind, I'm on the cusp of despair and on the verge of just going out, organizing a team of men and starting a fucking war against anyone if that means I can get him back in my arms. And the dreams... The helplessness of having him so far away yet so close. To hear his soft, sweet voice, to feel his fear, and his doubts pass through me and not be able to do a fucking thing to help him.

Although, I am sure they are not just dreams, it is something else, something that connects us so intimately and deeply, just the two of us. It immerses us in the emotions and the strong and special bond we have created through our love.

«I can feel you».

He said to me then, the relief and hope in his voice still haunts me, threatening to crush the integrity of my heart. How I wish I could be there with him, facing the storm that is sure to come. To be his base and his pillar so that his strength is not broken and his will impels him to continue.

«Why can't I see you?».

The answer to that I still don't know, when I could see him perfectly. How vulnerable his little body looked in that huge, dark forest, how sad and helpless he seemed as he embraced the tree, and how desperate he felt when that damn force pushed him away.

I felt it all. Absolutely all of his emotions ran through my soul and tore my heart apart mercilessly.

His urge to reach out to me was so strong that I almost went insane. I just hope that, by the time I get to him, it's not too late.

I'm so immersed in my thoughts and the idea of Xander suffering without me, that I'm surprised to realize that Yaakov is by my side.

I came to sleep in his room because I can't stand the thought of being in mine without him. Pathetic, I know, but I refuse to pretend everything's okay when in fact, I feel like my world is falling apart.

I'm tired of fighting my emotions all the time and pretending to be something I'm fucking not. The comfort of having Yaakov's support at this time, who is practically my brother, is gigantic compared to the loneliness I would have to face within four walls without Xander by my side.

—Physically yes— I finally answer, opening my eyes and focusing on him—. But emotionally, he's... We are— I stand corrected —. Devastated.

—For now, Magnus, we'll have to deal with that — his voice is low and cautious when speaking —. I know it's not what you expect to hear, but it's the best I can offer you right now. As long as you know he's still alive, we'll double our efforts until we're able to find him.

I look at him and nod in response. I know he's right, but fucking hell, I wish I could do more, have some clue or know which way to go. Uncertainty is a malevolent bitch.

—Let's go to sleep, brother— he advises —. You need to rest even a little, you haven't slept much these days, staying awake and getting weak won't help us at all.

—All right — I accept, feeling defeated.

I go back to bed and collapse on the sheets, my eyes fixed on the ceiling. Yaakov gets up, goes to his bed, and after a few minutes, I hear him snoring.

At least one of us will manage to sleep for the rest of the night.