The Carrero Effect - Falling for the Boss (Billionaire CEO) novel Chapter 212

“Where do you want to drive to?” His voice is softer, with being so close and his gaze is intent on my mouth. I can tell how much he wants to kiss me, and it only makes the fear inside me lift higher. That kiss invites her into my head, all the pain of what he did and I’m not ready to deal with that right now. I turn away, so I’m not tempted and push my empty plate aside. I look out across the open-plan room and sigh knowing that he’s reading every signal I’m giving off with apprehension, probably overanalyzing every one. Being so near him has my head in chaos about what I want from him, blurring the lines of how much touching I can bear to allow.

“I don’t know … just anywhere, somewhere pretty. Somewhere that’s not here.” I shrug. I don’t know why I want him to drive me anywhere, maybe the motion of the car, and Jake being the one in control somehow makes it feel better. It means I can take a time out from life while he focuses on the road and maybe we can just listen to music and not talk.

I don’t want to talk. I’m scared that if I start talking

about everything, about her and the baby, if she still

means anything to him and our life, then it will all come crashing painfully in on me like a fragile tower of cards. Today I want quiet and calm and to be with him. The past few days have taken a toll and this little respite is like a breath of warm air in the frost. I want a time out and nowhere in the rules of whatever this is does it say that I can’t have that.

“Okay … Your wish is my command beautiful. Do you need me to take you to Queens for clothes first?” His fake jovial tone makes me falter and I hate that it’s not genuine; that we’re hurting each other this way. I inhale, heavily, trying to get at least one breath that doesn’t come laced with pain.

“Later. I’ll just keep on the clothes you brought me yesterday seeing as all I’ve done is sleep.” I can’t explain the weird way I feel, but all I want right now is to get out, go somewhere where no one knows us, where I don’t need to explain anything to anyone. Sarah would ask questions, but I need reflection and silence and maybe him.

Okay, definitely him.

I’m still tired and despite eating I’m a little lightheaded. All the recent emotional turmoil, lack of food and sleep has taken its toll on me and now it’s playing catch up.

“Can we go now?” the apartment closing in on me and restlessness is kicking in. If I keep sitting here, near him, like this, I’ll want to kiss him, and kissing would lead to touching. Then I’d want him all over me, inside of me and I’m not ready to take that step just yet. I don’t know if I ever will be, it’s too confusing with him being close enough to inhale.

“Sure, go get ready. Which car do you want to take?” He slides his mug beside his empty plate, and I sigh, pushing myself up from the bar stool.

“The Bat-mobile.” I smile shyly at him, knowing a ride in his pride and joy will make him happy and right now I want to hear it genuinely in his voice, and not just play pretend.

“Lucky for you I keep it downstairs.” He grins merrily at the mention of his toy and slides out of his own chair; stooping down to kiss me behind the ear, thoughtlessly, before picking up his phone and walking toward the bedroom. I falter at his touch but take a deep steadying breath.

Make a choice; either he’s allowed to touch you and throw affection your way or he’s not. You’re only confusing him and yourself by not deciding whether he can or not.

I swallow down the ball of emotion rising in my throat and head toward the bedroom to get dressed.

I just don’t know okay!

* * *

Less than half an hour later we’re heading out of the city onto calmer scenery. Jake suggested driving to Long Island, over an hour away, and maybe stopping somewhere to

walk and take in the beautiful surroundings. He’s packed a couple of warm jackets, and a hat for me, and looked up some quiet spots for lunch for when we get there. He’s being romantic and thoughtful Jake, trying to show me how much I mean to him.