Through the Screen novel Chapter 100

there is silence tracing the air around them, weaving through heavy breaths, accompanying the gentle rubs against abel 's back, and dissolving in the tears that escape abel 's closed eyes and stain noah's jumper. it's all silence.

noah stands there with his lips pursed, his palms pressing flat against abel 's clothed back to pull him closer and comfort him at the same time, his nose buried in abel 's unruly hair and his eyes focusing on nothing in particular. his chest is rapidly filling with warmth with the way abel 's blunt fingernails dig into his shoulders and his face presses impossibly close against the skin of his neck, and even though the rational side of him knows its wrong—he has no will to pull away.

"abel?" noah attempts to loosen his grip slightly just like he has done three other times, but abel refuses yet again, shuffling closer and whimpering pathetically and digging his nails harder into noah's jumper to stop him from pulling away.

"please," abel 's voice is laced with heartbreak and desperation and noah sighs into his hair before rubbing his hands along the curve of abel 's back and firmly pushing abel off him.

"noah plea—"

"sh, let's sit you down alright?" noah lets his fingers wind through the front of abel 's hair to push them off his forehead, both his hands moving to cup abel 's cheeks so he can wipe the tears that are glistening the soft skin.

abel just nods meekly, inferiorly grabbing noah's hand and gripping it tightly between his fingers and noah bites his lip before giving in, pulling abel to the bench he was previously sat at, both of them sitting down closer than necessary and abel 's arms going around noah's waist almost immediately, his head nudging back against noah's neck as he cuddles into him for the much needed comfort.

"this is not right," noah mumbles after a few minutes and abel 's eyes fall shut at the hostile tone in noah's voice.

"i-i know, i'm sorry," abel apologises but doesn't pull away, selfishly hoping for the familiarity of noah's arms to last longer.

"it's not your fault i just—i just don't want to—" noah stutters and abel reluctantly leaves his side for a brief moment, wiping his cheeks with the sleeves of noah's jacket that he's wearing and staring at him in confusion.

"don't want to what?"

"i don't want to give you false hope," noah mutters finally and abel just draws his lower lip between his teeth, chewing on the flesh harshly so he can stop himself from saying something irrational.

"i-i don't know how to handle this, this situation that you've brought upon us abel. i want to be with you, of course i do because i have never imagined life without you but this—i don't know how to deal with this, to get past this and i'm sorry," abel doesn't want to hear this, this vague bullshit apology about how noah can't be with him anymore and it makes an unfamiliar anger surge through him, his cheeks flushing and his fingers bunching up the material of noah's jacket into tight fists.

"you can't do this noah," abel 's words sound too controlled and his breathing is too ragged but noah doesn't take notice. he just looks away from abel and purses his lips.