Through the Screen novel Chapter 109

abel watches as noah curls further into the bed, liquid amber flushing his skin with a yellow glow, his pale fingers gripping the covers tightly as he was gripping abel 's jumper just a few torturous minutes ago. his dark hair has spread itself effortlessly across his forehead and his pink lips are parted just slightly.

abel looks away.

the once shared closet still holds one too many of his shirts but he's lost the will to actually take away anything from this household more than he already has. he's already drenched the place in silent apathy and crushed the blithe sapphire of noah's eyes, contorting the shade into something that is far too difficult to look at. he has engaged in the larceny of adrian's dimpled smile and the way his fawn eyes were always shining with glee.

he can't bring himself to tear apart whatever that's left of this place.

so he makes his way outside, cowardly hoping that he can just leave without an explanation to his son or his mother-in-law, cowardly hoping that he doesn't have to face the brutality of adrian's tears or another pair of arms wrapping around his torso and asking him to stay. he's one tear away from breaking completely, one plea away from ditching all the rationality he has forced in his disoriented mind and just stay here and watch himself ruin what can't be ruined any further.

if he stays today, there is absolutely no scope for happiness for anyone in this family—he will never escape the guilt, noah will never escape the callous betrayal and adrian will never escape the wicked ignorance of his parents who are too caught up in themselves to pay attention to what he wants and deserves. he collects every stone of self restraint and places it gingerly on his crippled heart, hoping for absence of heartbreak once he walks out into the living room and attempts to memorise the pattern of noah's papers strewn across the dining and the way noah's shoes can never be in place.

all his prayers go unanswered because as soon as he walks out he bumps into the child figure, quickly stepping back and looking down to hide the moisture in his eyes.

"hey, where are you going?" adrian mumbles quietly, and once abel looks at him, he wants to do anything and everything to reverse time, to tell himself to trust noah enough to not make the biggest mistake of his life because nothing, no mistake can be equated to how his child looks right now. adrian's eyes are rimmed red with sadness and his cheeks are sunken—the spirit of christmas tastes like bile on abel 's tongue as he attempts to stop himself from sobbing.

he has never hated himself more than he hates himself in this very moment. nothing can compare to the torture of watching such a young child—that too his own—break right in front of him.

"i-is nan asleep?" he swallows the acid under his tongue and watches as adrian sighs, nodding his head.

"yeah, she fell asleep an hour ago," he hesitates before continuing. "did you and dad sort things out?" and god if abel wouldn't give every piece of his soul if he could answer that question with a yes.