Through the Screen novel Chapter 52

noah's mind is haywire with thoughts as he types and backspaces relentlessly, even the words on his screen are incomprehensible just like his thoughts.

he can't seem to put a finger on where he has gone wrong, what is making abel hide things which could simply make or break their relationship. noah knows that he's been bitter about their friendship, but he also knows he's been trying so hard to accept it.

he had never in his life been so insecure about something.

he's never even doubted if he's trying as much as abel is, if he was actually one who had been ruining everything. right now, he feels solely responsible for whatever their relationship has become, maybe it was his lack of interest or ignorance as abel said which is creating deep pits of insecurities and uncertainty between abel and him.

he had never blamed abel for anything that has happened, the reason always somehow seemed to stem from himself and even when it didn't, noah would find a way to blame himself.

today it wasn't changing.

yet again, noah was starting to blame himself for abel 's consequences, for the fact that his husband had to find comfort in someone else's company rather than his own.

he wasn't sure whether there was any love reciprocated between them anymore, it seemed more unnatural and forced the more he thought about it. maybe while he thought they were getting better, it was just abel 's way to not make his life as hard as noah was making it for him.

he didn't want to hold back abel. if he was starting to lose interest in noah or his heart had started beating for someone else, noah couldn't blame him. love wasn't something that you could control, and it wasn't impossible to fall out of love with someone either.

noah just thought it would last a little bit longer for them.

he knew for a fact that he was jumping to conclusions, unnecessary ones at that, and there could be a logical reason behind why in the hell was chris in abel 's room at seven in the morning.

maybe they fell asleep while working on an assignment together? noah decided to believe that it was just that and nothing else. he was somehow sure of the fact that they wouldn't have shared a bed because abel knew noah wouldn't like that, and he was sure that even if they did, they would be on the opposite sides.

just like abel and noah are.

his phone buzzed loudly on his table distracting him from his thoughts, and he cracked his cramped fingers before grabbing the device. the sight of abel 's name was supposed to bring a smile on his face, but this time, it just elicited a loud sigh.

"hello?" noah's voice was slightly croaky, both from not speaking for a while and because of the lack of water.

"hey! i'm sorry we haven't talked in a while, i was really busy. how are you?" abel 's voice was hurried, and bouncing a little bit as if he was walking somewhere.

"don't worry i understand. i'm fine, how's your work going?" noah wanted to ask about last night, he just wanted to know the truth so it could calm the chaos in his mind.

"it's going good, i'm just really stressed about this presentation i have today, it's really important," abel 's voice held an undertone of panic, and noah wanted to comfort him, he could too, but for once he thought he needed the comfort much more than abel.

"you'll do fine, i'm sure," noah hesitated a little. "so, what were you upto last night?" noah hoped that the question didn't sound as suspicious as it did in his head.