Through the Screen novel Chapter 83

"no work today?" abel mumbled sleepily, snaking his arms around noah's torso from behind, his forehead pressed against noah's shoulder and noah leaned back slightly in his touch, lowering the flames so he doesn't accidentally burn the slowly browning pancake in the pan.

"i don't have work for the next three days, it's christmas tomorrow darling," noah reminded him, cautiously flipping the pancake and turning around to face abel, his fingers reaching up and pushing a tangled set of curls off abel 's forehead.

"that's pretty cool," noah hummed in response. "where's adrian?" abel stepped closer to noah, letting noah wrap his arms around the younger's waist, pulling him closer and abel smiled at him half heartedly before pressing a soft kiss against noah's lips.

"mm sleeping," noah said, one of his hands reaching back to completely turn off the flames as he moved to kiss abel again, his left hand moving under abel 's jumper slightly so he could feel the hot skin under his fingertips and his right hand moving up to hold abel 's cheek in place.

"y-you're in a good mood today," abel breathed when their lips parted, and noah just gave him a lopsided grin.

"i guess so," noah shrugged, and abel gulped slightly at the thought of ruining it. he can't not tell noah about what he has done, he would die of guilt alone, and he can't wait any longer either because if he does stretch it out anymore, he's sure the pain would be worse for both him and noah.

"can i—i need to," abel stuttered, watching as noah turned around again and slid a single pancake onto the plate, turning the flames back on and pouring a ladle of batter into the gradually heating pan.

"hm?" noah furrowed his eyebrows, handing abel the plate, who took it hesitantly and placed it on the kitchen island, balling up his fists against his thighs and closing his eyes shut to muster up enough courage to own up to what he did.

"i-i have to tell you something," abel blurted out finally and noah did not notice the edge in his voice or the painful difficulty abel faced while letting out the words—noah just nodded and waited for abel to continue.

abel stood silently, his eyes unfocused but still watching the way noah looked so unaffected, nodding his head but not knowing what was about to come, his posture calm and normal as he casually flipped another pancake, sliding the imperfect shape of round onto another plate.

before noah could go ahead and make another, abel reached forward and turned off the flames for the second time that day, causing noah to turn around and stare at him in confusion.

"what?" his tone was just as confused as his expression, eyebrows furrowed and tone soft.

"i need to tell you s-something," abel mumbled again, breaking eye contact because he just didn't feel worthy enough to be comforted by the complicated colour and the familiarity of noah's eyes. he knew he will not be able to handle the way they go from bright to dull within seconds, the skies in his eyes slowly reducing down to mere rainfalls of betrayal.

"yeah, what's up? is everything okay?" noah sounded so worried, his voice having the undertone of gravel because he had woken up not long ago, and abel leaned back against the counter behind him, knotting his fingers together as he stared at the edges of the square kitchen tiles.

"i-i have done something, and before i tell you what i have done i just-just want you to know that i love you and that it wasn't my intention to-to do something like this—"

"abel, what's going on?" and here it was, the worried tone that will soon turn into either disappointment or simply so hurt that noah will lose his voice. abel hoped for the former because he couldn't physically forgive himself if he brings noah down to the point where he doesn't know what to say. he wants noah to yell at him and break things and even hit abel if it will make him feel better. what abel doesn't want is the pallor spreading over noah's sharp features, his mouth opening and closing because he just can't find the words to say.

he has never been this afraid of losing noah.

"i-i don't know how to say it, i'm really sorry noah, i had been drinking and you—i thought you were cheating on me and—" abel stammers, stumbling over his words and trying to string phrases together but his voice was almost lost as he looked at the expression on noah's face.

his lips were already parted, cheeks losing colour and his eyes staring at abel as if they were begging for abel to not say the words that were to follow.

"i'm sorry," was all abel could manage to say, and noah gathered his hair in both his hands, his eyes dropping shut as he pursed his lips.

"y-you, abel, y-you cheated? on me?" noah looked at him unbelievably, his expression demanding answers and denial all at once as if he was hoping for abel to tell him that it was all a joke, but it wasn't, and when abel nodded and a few tears fell down his flushed cheeks, noah could feel his entire body being split in uneven splinters.

"how could you—" noah stopped. he was so done with abel, he didn't even want to know to what extent abel went, what he did and with whom he did it. the last question may have a certain green eyed boy's name in answer.

"i'm sorry, i'm so sorry noah please let me explain i—"

"i-i can't leave you like this—" the fact that abel is not agreeing to whatever noah was saying was causing the headache to magnify, and noah pinched the bridge of his nose.

"if you won't leave right now, i will," it wasn't a threat as much as it was a simple statement.

"how much time do you need?" abel hiccuped quietly. he had already caused a lot of damage, the last thing he wanted was for noah to storm out of the house and do something irrational.

"time? i don't need any time. you get the hell out of here, i don't want you to come back," noah snapped, beads of sweat forming on his forehead regardless of the low temperature.

"w-what? no, no no no, noah, you can't do this, what will i do without you? i can't live without you, and adrian? please noah let me—"

"i don't think adrian needs a shitty father like you, i will find someone else who actually deserves him," noah mutters ignorantly, his heart no longer breaking at the sight of tears on abel 's flushed cheeks or the way his entire body was shaking. noah wanted to hurt abel as much as he has hurt him.

"you-you are divorcing m-me?" abel stammers, eyes wide as he tries to take a step towards noah but the glare noah shoots him is enough to make him retract back.

"i will do whatever i please, now get the hell out of here before adrian wakes up. if you try to ruin another thing in my family i swear to god—"

"i'll leave, i'm sorry," abel mumbled finally, wiping his cheeks with the back of his sleeves and moving out of the kitchen, his steps slow and uncoordinated. his entire body is weltering with an uncomfortable heat, and no matter how many times he drags the scratchy material of his jumper across his eyes, the tears just never seem to stop.

when he reaches their room and looks at the unmade bed and the pictures that he and noah had hung so happily once they had moved in, he breaks down all over again. his legs giving up as he falls to his knees and tries to catch his breath.

this is it.