Through the Screen novel Chapter 88

"i'm outside," abel breathes into the receiver of his phone, a small puff of fog forming in front of his mouth because of the low temperature. his eyes are rimmed red, pupils bloodshot and cheeks blotched with a pallor of sadness. tangled curls were hanging above his forehead, barely peeking out of the knitted hat that he was wearing and his fingertips, although numb, were still shaking.

"please come upstairs, it's so cold outside," adrian mumbled quietly into the phone, allowing his heart to break as he watched noah wrap his arms tighter around himself, his teeth sinking into his lower lip to hide his frown.

"i'm fine," abel sighed, resting his back against the park bench and letting his eyes focus on the leafless trees branching out. "tell me when nan is about to reach home, i will come upstairs then," he doesn't want to bother noah more than he already has.

it had been mere hours and he was already missing noah so, so terribly, he's afraid he can't put the feeling into words. his scalp is constantly burning with the need of noah's fingers massaging it, his hands are shaking with the need of noah holding them, his eyes are watering with the need of just simply seeing noah again. he is not sure if he'll be able to live through the divorce that noah mentioned.

he wants to apologise to noah, reason with him, convince him that he was only noah's and no one else's and that whatever happened between him and chris was just a stupid, stupid mistake.

he wants to hold noah, tell him that he's not at fault for abel 's irrational actions, love him so much that he's forced to forget about every downfall in their relationship. he wants to lay noah in bed and comfort him, and make him a cup of tea and play soft music and he wants to take noah on a vacation so he can show him exactly how much he loves him, show him what they had been missing, show him how they are just so perfect for each other.

but that is it.

he can only want all of that, and no matter what he does, what he says, what he wants, it will never change the fact that noah can never love him the unconditional way he used to.

"you'll be sick, i can come downstairs, we can go for a coffee if you want?" adrian suggests, forehead displaying thin lines of worry.

"no," abel refuses, wrapping his right arm around himself so that the breeze isn't travelling through his slightly unzipped jacket. "dad needs you right now, please stay with him,"

"okay, can you please go somewhere warm? or you can come home and stay in my room,"

"i-i'll go to the café nearby, don't worry about me," he says his goodbye to adrian and doesn't follow up on his promise, he just slumps back further against the tough material of the bench's backrest, and lets his eyes wander off from gravelly cycling paths to rusty swings who's paint has chipped away over the years.

the sky is the palest blue, heavy clouds of dismay waiting for release, the sun almost drowning within, seeming to stop trying with the struggle of shining upon everyone. the breeze is gradual, soft, but when it brushes past abel 's skin it leaves a painful burn in its wake, painting his cheeks with an angry red, and the tip of his nose an unforgiving shade of rose. the grass beneath his feet is almost dead, holding on the last of its roots as it loses colour, the vibrant green fading into a dry brown at the tips, crushing pathetically under his boots. it's a strange metaphor for their situation, abel is almost too tired to spot the similarities.

chris-tmas : abel please reply

chris-tmas : i'm really worried about you

abel doesn't know how to feel towards chris anymore. he agrees, it was all his fault for making the first move, to consent to whatever that was, but what kind of a friend was chris if he couldn't stop abel from making the biggest mistake in his life?

abeltross : im fine

chris-tmas : did you talk to noah