Through the Screen novel Chapter 97

it's confusion and chaos on a whole different level as noah shifts further onto the bed and lets the mattress dip under his weight. his entire body is ignited with the gruesome battle between his heart and brain, between mind and soul, between what's rational and what he actually wants. he is sad and anxious and afraid and confused and there is a supernova of emotions flooding through him, his eyes dripping off stars that drench his flushed cheeks, his entire being waiting to explode into nothingness.

he hates himself.

he doesn't know who to blame anymore, even if there is someone to blame. he is selfish and problematic and he can't handle things properly and he is the worst person at relationships. even after years of their relationship, he fails to know abel, to give him what he wants, he was the one who coaxed him into cheating.

he probably wasn't enough.

it has been merely ten minutes since abel left their bedroom, and although noah doesn't want to face him, doesn't want too see him, doesn't want to be in his presence, he is still worried about him. he wipes his cheeks and sniffles noisily, pushing his hair back off his forehead and walking into the bathroom to take out his contacts.

five minutes later he walks out into the living room, only to find his mother asleep on the couch and adrian curled up on the recliner, his eyes trained on the bright telivision screen. noah smiles at the scene slightly before walking inside, ruffling adrian's hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead, the younger boy only looking up at him with a worried expression.

"are you okay?" adrian asks softly and noah just nods, giving him a half hearted smile and covering his mother with a blanket, removing her glasses cautiously and placing them on the table in front.

when he walks out, he searches the kitchen and the bathroom and the hall and the balcony, anxiousness surfacing his fingertips already when he doesn't find abel.

"abel?" he calls and flinches slightly at his raspy voice, continuing to search for a certain pair of brown eyes everywhere but not being able to find them.

"adrian have you seen papa?" noah asks, his fingers messing with his hair nervously, and the younger boy just furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head.

"why? i though he was with--" noah doesn't let him finish, he just quickly rushes to the door and slips his feet in his shoes, grabbing his phone and dialling abel 's number frantically, biting his lip in worry when abel doesn't answer.

"lock the door, and don't open it unless you hear me or papa okay? be safe," noah presses another quick kiss against adrian's forehead when he emerges from the living room, and the younger boy doesn't ask anymore questions, nodding his head in understanding and watching as his father hurried down the steps.

ten minutes later noah is driving insanely down to every place where he thinks abel could be, tears of frustration dotting the corner of his eyes and his body temperature uncomfortably low even with the blasting heaters. he hates abel for doing this to him, for making his chest hurt and for making him feel so worried that he can barely hear anything but his own ragged breathing.

he is so scared, so impossibly scared of losing abel even though a few hours ago he wanted nothing to do with him. he hates knowing how irrational abel is, how he is impatient and inconsiderate and downright stupid when he's this hurt, just the possibilities of what abel might do in this state makes noah want to pull to the side and throw up.