Too Beautiful for the Alpha novel Chapter 15

My bedroom is cold and empty feeling though my things clutter the space obnoxiously. I set my back down at the door and walk in as if this is someone else bedroom and I am an intruder.

My mother isn't home, actually, she doesn't know that I am either. I had never called and told her I was leaving as I only found out last night. She'll be disappointed, I think. Sad for me. Her daughter was mated to an Alpha, was taken to his pack, then was sent home for her own good. It makes me sad just thinking about it.

Having no desire to unpack, I leave my bag set against the wall and walk to the window, gazing out at the forgotten view of the forest, the view I used to stare out at while I cried when I was younger. I don't want to be here. Not anymore. This has become a sad place now, one where my half-filled soul will rot and wither away until I die. There is a peer of me that was left at the Grant Pack, and a part that I will never get back.

Mindlessly, I climb into my cold bed and hide under the covers. Depressed for the life ahead of me. Depressed over my empty heart, and dulled down from the loss of my one, true mate. There will never be anyone like him, no one to replace his anger and coldness, his good moments where he gives into me, and the sensation of his lips, a sudden kiss or not. I have never held such hatred towards every other man before, but I have no interest in them. That is something I have in common with my old self. No man will ever please me if it is the last thing I do.

My mother's shocked voice wakes me. "Rae? Rae, what are you doing here?"

I slip out of my dreamless sleep and look over to her.

She quickly nears me. "When did you get here? You didn't call to say you were visiting. Are you all right? What's happened? Did something happen? Is he here, your mate?"

"Not now," I mutter, cold and numb. "I want to be alone."

"Not now?" She gapes as if I had told her I was pregnant. "What do you mean not now? Will you please tell me what's going on?"

"Please, mom. Go. Please just go."

She crosses her arms. "Tell me what—"

"Leave me alone! Get out! I want to be alone!"

I hear the door shut before I curl back up and wish to return to my blank sleep, not wanting to see or feel anything.

* * *

It has been a few weeks since I had come home. I painfully explained to my mother why I was back, telling part of the truth and fabricating the rest. Other than that, my days consist of laying in bed, going down for food every now and then, staring out the window, crying a little bit, showering just to feel different sensations, and staring up at my ceiling like a corpse stares at the hood of their coffin.

I open the window during the day to hear new sounds other than the excruciating noises of silence. I hear birds and occasionally voices, though it is usually my mother talking to another woman in the pack, or a guard mumbling to himself as he walks by to the borders.

The diary sits on my desk alone, wanting to be read, but I don't want to be reminded of him so soon because he already takes up my entire mind. There is no reminding needed.

I lay in bed and daydream about our imaginary life together. How it would have been to sleep in the same bed, to feel him on top of me or underneath me, to feel his skin against mine in the most intimate of ways. Is it so wrong to want a bad man? I don't think so. It makes the dark part of me want him even more. I want to feel his body weighing against mine, holding me down, giving me no escape. I want everything from him. I need him to want me as badly as I want him, but that nagging voice always reminds me that he is gone. That voice shouts at me to get up and to put away my things and to let go, but I can't.

I enter the kitchen with no enthusiasm to see my mother leaning against the counter. She looks up at me and smiles. "Hey, Rae. You hungry for dinner? I made salmon."

I nod and sit down at the counter on one of the stools.

"You know, I think you should get out of the house a bit. There's a gathering tonight, I think it might be fun to reconnect with some of the girls and make friends. I know it's for finding mates, but everyone just talks and dances. I think it would be fun for you."

She talks as if she's never met me before as if those years of me whining about such gatherings has left her mind. "I don't feel like—"