Too Beautiful for the Alpha novel Chapter 17

I immediately close the door behind me and turn to him with wide eyes. His scent is muffled and I can't tell if I am imagining him or not. "W-What are you doing here?"

James nears me and my heart begins to race. The sight of him makes me feel secure, a warm feeling spreading throughout my shaking body. The darkness of my bedroom shadows his face, making him a figure in the night, something my eyes could be playing tricks with. Once close enough, the moonlight from my window lightens up his face and my throat grows dry. He reaches out to me, takes my hand in his, showing me that he is indeed real. "I'm here to finalize things, Rae," he says, his voice less smooth than it has been in the past.

I struggle to speak, bringing me back to when I first met him. "You're going—you're going to reject me now?"

I can see his jaw clench. "Yes."

A shower of sadness rains down on me in one abrupt wave. My entire body is weighed down and my chest struggles to rise. My eyes can do nothing else but look up at him, hoping he sees that I am unwilling. My lip quivers like a lost child's. "Don't."

It's all I can't muster and he lets out a breath, his glaze tearing from mine. "Rae—"

"No," I murmur, quiet so no one downstairs hears me, but also quieted by my swelling throat. "Just don't. Not yet? I'm not ready yet." I'm not ready to let go.

"When? When will you be ready?" He asks, not really asking, though.

"I won't. I don't want you to reject me."

James looks down at me as if he's trying to figure me out, a puzzle he just can't put together. "When I told you that you had to go home, you agreed. You left without a problem."

"Because I didn't know if you wanted me there. I'm not going to stay somewhere I'm not wanted."

"I don't want you there," he says calmly.

With nothing to lose, I ask, "Why?"

He sighs and drifts further into my bedroom, not focused on anything around him. "Because I don't want to hurt you anymore. You need to be somewhere you can be happy."

"But I—"

"You cannot tell me that you were happy at my Pack, Rae. You weren't. You were miserable. You were doing anything to get out."

I don't know how to make him understand because I hardly understand it myself. Maybe it was that one hint of kindness that gave me hope. "Do you want me there?"

He stays quiet.

"So if I were to come back, you would hurt me again? Would nothing change? Is this what you want? To reject me? If this is what you want, I'm not going to try and change your mind. You can reject me right now then."

There is a pause before he says, "It doesn't matter want I want."

"But do you want me there?" I press. "Would you treat me the same?"

James' eyes bleed into darkness. "You can't trust me."

Disappointment slaps me in the face. "So you wouldn't change? What about my things? What about in the kitchen when you—"

"Enough."

"No. You can't give me hope only to push me away. It's not fair. I told you what I wanted that night and you pushed me away, you sent me back here and I've been miserable. Stop acting like you don't want me one minute, then that you need to send me away for my own good the other. Just tell me what you want. And not what you feel like you need to say. Tell me the truth."

"Rae!" My mother suddenly calls from downstairs. "Aren't you coming back down?"

Frustrated, I call back, "Yes, just-just give me a second."

My head spins as I look back to James. He sits on the edge of my bed. "I just want you to be happy."

I near him. "I'll be happy if you treat me how you want to treat me, not what you learned from your father."

James tenses and I realize what I had said. My eyes glance over to the diary on my desk and I hope he doesn't see it, I hope he's never seen it in his life.

"What did you just say?"

He doesn't sound angry, but rather caught-off-guard. I drag my bottom lip through my teeth discreetly, fighting the need to bite down and pay for what I had said. "Theresa and Gail told me you are like your father, I just—"

He stands up from my bed. "Don't lie to me. Where did you hear about my Father?" He's bringing out the Alpha in him.

Part of me is annoyed by the plethora of times he's lied to me, but I hold it back for another day. "I just assumed."

"Rae?" My mother calls again, slicing through the moment.

I groan and head to the door. "Just wait here. I'll be right back."

Before James can protest, I slip through and close the door behind me. Now worked up, the sight of my mother and her friend and Noah irks me. I wish I could yell about how I'm dealing with something important upstairs. They smile. "You're not even changed?" My mother points out the obvious.

"I know, I was thinking about taking a shower actually, the dirt is just everywhere," I mutter and make a quick move to leave, but my mother reels me back.

"Well if you're not coming back down, say goodbye."

I take a steady breath. "Of course. It was nice meeting the both of you, hope we can really get into things next time. Sorry for my spotty presence." The two look somewhat pleased. "I better clean up now. Have a good night."

Just before my escape, my mother snatches me back. "Your towels are in the laundry room. I cleaned them."