Too Beautiful for the Alpha novel Chapter 21

Both of the windows in my bedroom are open and the cool air floods in rapidly. Not bothering to keep myself warm, I sit on my bed in my pajamas, waiting for him. The room is dark. The only light is leaking from the bathroom, through the closed door. The Moon creates a glow in my room, all white objects now a hazy blue.

It makes me feel as if I'm dreaming, this glow, these hues. I hold onto my pillow, suffocating it in my arms as my eyes stay fixated on the middle window, the one right across from me. The forest looks like a black, stormy ocean during the night, and he emerges from it like the beast who lurks in its depths. My heart races as I wait for him.

The coldness cleanses me. My toes lose feeling and my lips turn blue, but I feel crisp, I feel fresh. The sounds of footsteps against grass bring my heart to a sudden halt, and I hardly feel a pulse from then on. I slowly stand, feeling my bed against the back of my thighs. He's here.

I close my eyes to calm myself, focusing on my deep breathes, but when I open them, he's in front of me. He stands like a warrior from another time, like a beast, like a man, like something in my dreams. I swallow and stay put, not hurrying to him. "It's freezing in here, Rae," he says, his voice crawling up my legs.

"You lied to me again," I tell him smoothly. "All you do is tell me lies."

James nears me.

"I spoke with Alpha Waters, so what's really going on? What did you lie about this time?"

"Rae, you have to listen to me," he says, reaching for my hands, but I bring them to my chest.

"I can't trust you. You won't let me trust you."

"I can explain."

I peer away from his face, wanting to feel strong again. "Why? Why did you lie about having issues with my pack?"

"I did it to keep you safe—"

I shake my head. "I can't do this anymore. I've given you so many chances, and you just throw them away. I look like an idiot now. I'm the girl who just keeps giving in. I'm pathetic because of you."

"I can explain," he says again.

"So now you'll tell the truth because you got caught? Why couldn't you just give me the truth before? Why is this so hard for you? How do I even know if what you're about to tell me is the truth?"

James looks distressed. "It was my father."

"You can't keep blaming this on your father. You're your own person—"

"No, my father came to my pack." I stay quiet, letting him speak. "A few days after you went home, he showed up out of nowhere. When I came to see you, and you wanted to come back, I couldn't let you because he was still there."

"Your Father is dead, James," I say, knowing that he lied about that too. "So he's not dead?"

James doesn't say anything.

"Why didn't you just tell me your father was back then? Why did you have to lie?"

James runs his hand through his hair. "Because I didn't want you knowing that he was still alive. I don't want you to worry about him, ever. He is a bad man, Rae. He does not know that you exist. I don't want him to. I wanted the both of you to be nonexistent in each other's worlds."

"He doesn't know I exist?" I ask.

"No," James says strongly.

"And it's not because he doesn't want you to have a Mate? It's not because you still want to impress him?"

James grabs my hands, feeling my cool skin against his warmth. "No. It's because I don't want him to come near you. It's safest if he believes I don't have a Mate."

"What about her?" I ask readily.

"What do you mean?"

I stare directly into his eyes. "Were you with her? Was she there? Is she there?"

James' brows furrow. "You would have felt it."

"How do you—"

"Because a few days ago I felt something."

My mind shoots to when Noah kissed me. My throat runs dry and I struggle to find something else to blame him for. I'm still upset that he lied to me about Alpha Waters, but he wasn't with her. Am I really going to fight with him over a lie that kept me safe? Does it bother me that much? It stings a little, but I hate myself for being able to understand it. Did I think that his father was still alive? I don't know. That definitely wasn't on my mind. "Noah kissed me," I tell him.

James nods, backing away. "Alright. If that's what you want, then I won't stand in your way."

I watch him as he watches me, waiting for the next few words to slip from my lips. "It—It wasn't that way," I explain calmly. "He thought our relationship was something more than it was. I didn't know that he was going to kiss me. I pushed him away and he left."

James nods again. "My Father left this morning. I don't think he'll be back for a while."

"I'm worried that I'm making another mistake."

He places both his hands on the sides of my arms. "I know it may not seem like it, but I'm trying, I really am. I know it looks like mistake after mistake, but everything behind them has been genuine. I can't say that I know what I'm doing because I don't. I want you to be happy, Rae, that's all I know. I'm trying to get better at that; making you happy. I know you can't trust me, and I'm not asking you to. Whatever you decide, I will stand behind. I just can't carry on if you think that I haven't tried."

My eyes drift away again, knowing that if I keep looking at him, I'll give in to something much more. What can I say? He lied to keep me from his father. He shouldn't have lied, but it wasn't because he was with her, it wasn't because he wanted to keep me here, it was for me. I want to believe that it was wrong, every part of it, but that's not true.

"You've been trying?" I ask.

I don't sleep much. I wake up many times throughout the remainder of the night and find it difficult to fall back asleep. Once the sun begins to rise in the window, I get up as if I had slept through it all seamlessly. There is some odd energy fueling me. Possibly excitement. Possibly excitement due to the fact that my mother is going to not only come in contact with James but hear that things between us are not in ruins. It is my strike back to her plethora of hits on my role as a Luna. Well, I'm not actually a Luna, but it will still feel good.

When I hear my mother downstairs, I tiptoe to my bedroom and slip inside, finding James to be still sleeping. He must never get to sleep in, I suppose.

I softly place my hand on his shoulder. "James? It's time to get up."

When he doesn't react, I tap. "James?"

When he shifts a little, but his eyes don't open, I squeeze his arm, feeling his muscles then swiftly letting go. He breathes in air and sounds as if he's coming back to life. He groans a bit then shifts some more then is eyes wave open and closed before staying open. It looks as if he's remembering where he is. "It's morning," I murmur.

"Right," he mutters, not awake at all, not like I am. "How much time do you need?"

My mind has to work a little harder when also watching him. It takes me a few seconds to think of an answer as he sits up. "Uh, everything's done. I'm ready to go." James peers to the ugly alarm clock on my bedside table. "I thought we could leave through the front door."

He glances back at me, subtly amused.

I leave for a moment to bring my bags downstairs, giving him a few extra minutes to wake up. I slip past the kitchen where my mother is standing, waiting for her coffee, wrapped in her purple robe. She doesn't notice me, so I hurry up to fetch James. On the way down, he trails behind me and I poke my head into the kitchen, ready to go. "Mom?" I pipe up, expecting her to turn around and greet me, but she doesn't. She fumbles with the coffee maker.

I move into the doorway and so does James, placing us in prime viewing range. Of course she can't smell him, but even if it was just me, some eye contact is expected. "Mom?"

"Good morning, Rae, sorry. The coffee makers acting up again. I just can't...seem to fix it," she says while pulling it apart. "I can make breakfast if you're hungry. I didn't expect you to be up so early. You're feeling better since the incident with Noah?" Before I can ask her how she knows anything about that, or even tell her to stop, she rambles on. "His Mother told me what happened. I'm sure it was all a misunderstanding. You know boys, they don't always say the right things."

Practically laughing is different than saying, but before I lose her again, I cut in. "Mom, please. Not now."

She finally turns around and her face falls blank. "Uh, what's— Rae."

"I came to tell you that I'm going back to James' pack."

She places down the stray piece of plastic from the coffee maker, not taking her eyes off of the Alpha in her house. It's clear that she doesn't know what to say. "You are? Oh, well, and I'm assuming you are—"

He reaches his hand out to her properly. "James Grant, Alpha of—"

"Of course, of course," she breathes out. "I finally get to meet the man behind all of this."

She shakes his hand, but James looks rather confused by the second part. Not wanting her to elaborate, I make my way around the counter and give her a hug, something I almost never do. "I'll call you when we get there?"

"Uh, sure. Yes. You're leaving right now?"

"Right now," I smile. "And tell Noah that it was nice meeting him. I wish him luck, but I'm sure he'll find someone soon. And I'm sorry for the way I was acting, it wasn't right. But don't worry, I won't forget what you said. I promise."