Werewolf Compilations novel Chapter 77

November 20, 1991

James asked if I would like to go on a run today, but I had to refuse. I am pregnant. I had hoped for it and I was granted it. At first, I was scared, but James is warming up to me. He has been spending more time with me the last few weeks and it makes me even more sure in my hopes. He is beginning to accept me into his life. It was hard at first for him, but he is trying now, I can tell. Oh, he is going to be so happy when I tell him the news. I am waiting for the perfect moment. I am not sure when that is, but I trust that I will feel it.

Yesterday he took me around the pack. I met many new people and he says that he will announce my role as Luna soon. Everything is coming together. I knew it would.

I feel myself falling in love with him. He holds me at night. I no longer have to reach out to him when he is asleep. He holds me.

I lay on my bed after eating dinner with Gail and Theresa, lying amongst my books and my iPod, thinking. He gave me my things back, I know that. I know it wasn't Gail or Theresa. Did he feel bad for me? Is that why?

Unable to sleep, I head downstairs knowing that Gail and Theresa had gone home, and not knowing where James is. He could be in his room, he could be at the borders, he could be with Theodore's sister, he could be dead.

I walk shamelessly to the odd cabinet and grab the bottle of vodka that I left on the porch that one night before heading to the kitchen to grab a glass. The moon shines into the empty kitchen, bleaching the white countertops and giving the space an unearthly glow. I reach into the cabinet, select a glass, then unscrew the bottle cap and pour. It hurts going down like it did before, an unpleasant taste left on my tongue, but I drink anyways. The taste of the liquor covers the taste of his kiss that still lingers on my lips.

I lean against the counter, facing the small table, thinking back to earlier when Gail was scrubbing my face and when James came in. I wonder what he thought when he first saw me covered in blood. It worried him, I know that. I like that. I can't help but like it.

I am split in two. Part of me wants to leave and never look back, running off into the woods just to breathe, but the other part yearns for something else. The other part yearns for him. I read Julianna's diary and dream of a world where James holds me at night, one where he kisses me goodnight and where he tells me how much he needs me. This part of me would kill for that world. This part of me lays awake at night and holds her pillow, pretending it is him sleeping against me. The mate bond is cruel to me. The Moon Goddess is cruel to me. He is cruel to me but I can't let go. Every time he shows me a smidge of care—or when he kissed me—I can't help but let it blind me away from everything else has done.

I look behind me from the sudden feeling of a presence, and to my surprise it is him. He stands at the entrance to the kitchen, his eyes on me, and I swiftly grab the bottle of vodka and hide it behind my back. His scent toys with me as he draws close, but I cannot tell if he is upset or not.

Without saying a word he comes up to me and reaches behind me, and I let him take the bottle from me without putting up a fight. My cheeks heat up, embarrassing me even more.

James places the bottle on the counter. "You're up late."

I can't help but blurt, "Why did you do it?" Maybe I'll blame it on the vodka later, or maybe my lack of sleep, but I need to know in this moment more than I have ever needed to know. "Why did you kiss me?"

He stays silent and takes the glass out of my hand, setting it on the counter beside the bottle.