Werewolf Compilations novel Chapter 89

I don't know what it is inside of me that wants him to lay down so badly. The clash of my old life and new life is pushed to the back of my head, and all I want is to be close to him while I can, knowing he has to leave soon. The empty feeling when he's gone makes me needy.

"Rae—" James starts, but I stop him.

"Will you just let me be close to you? I've been pushed away for so long—I just want to be close to you." I can't help but move back, grabbing his hands as he did mine. "I just want a connection." My eyes wander down to his lips unknowingly, almost telling him what I want. He steadily moves closer until his forehead is against mine, and I can't help it. I bring my lips to his, bringing back a familiar sensation. He is careful, slow, testing to see if this is something he is allowed to do.

It can't be any more different than the first time when he pushed me against the wall and kissed me. When I gave in for only a second then pushed away. This time is better, less angry, more openly wanted. It's slow. It's full of caution. I'm taking him back to the beginning as if this is our first kiss, and the other one didn't exist. This is my first kiss in my mind.

I improvise, trying to do what seems right, but no anxious feelings are bubbling inside of me. James knows what he's doing, and I don't know if I like that or not. I think I will, but I can't help but wish he was just as inexperienced as I. I hope he doesn't realize I'm an amateur at such things. That girl, the green-eyed ghost must know what's she's doing.

His hand comes up to my cheek, his skin cold and fresh, stealing the warmth from within me. We continue to move gently in unison until he begins to pull away. James' hand brushes past my jaw and falls once we're apart. He looks into my eyes. "I'll lay down for a bit."

I move over again and watch as he lays down beside me. He looks calm, tired but relaxed. My scent must be rocking him to sleep, and knowing this makes me happy.

I steadily lay down beside him, nervous to be facing him but finding it awkward if I didn't. The sight of his head on my pillow seems unreal, and I can't help but contemplate the chances of this being a dream. My younger self would surely think so. A man in this bed of denial—back then it was as likely as the earth being flat.

Natural reactions come for me, and I close my eyes.

My sleep is deep and endless, but not frightening.

When I wake in the morning, he is gone.

I sit in bed for a while, wishing he was still here, wanting to know what it would feel like to wake up next to him. He is my green-eyed girl, he sneaks in at night, stays, then leaves before I wake up.

I want to be back at his pack; I want to be understood. Ever since James has opened up, my feelings towards him have grown. His scent lingers on my bed like a distant memory, and I lay for moments longer just to soak it all in until it completely fades away. I don't want to wait another five days to see him. I want him now, all the time, no boundaries, no pack issues, no worries, but forgiveness, acceptance, and love.

I could love him. I could really love him. When I close my eyes, I see it. The choices he's made have been wrong ones, but I have to try at least and understand. He slept with her to prove to himself that he doesn't need me. He does. He needs me. Shouldn't I be happy? Why can't I stop thinking about the green-eyed girl and her creeping steps down the hall?

When I go back, I never want to see her again. She will never be allowed at the pack house, even within a specific range of James. I know it's not her fault, but she saw me, and she didn't stop. She could have asked who I was. She could have told James that she knew I was there. She could have apologized that night when I told her to leave. She's not sorry. She's not a bit sorry. She's only sorry for herself.

With my head against my pillow, I focus in on the diary and roll away. Are all women touched by those men some version of insane? If he touches me, will I become infected too? Has it already happened?

My head is a jungle.

I don't know what to believe anymore. Is Julianna right? Is her mate, James good or bad? Is my James lying to me? Does the green-eyed girl still creep through those halls? Am I never leaving this house? Will James continue to tell me 'next time, next time' whenever he sneaks in at night?