Absinthe novel Chapter 21

"You sit like a girl," Jiwoo said, tapping his right thigh onto my left knee.

"Huh?"

"Look, your legs are closed up real tight," he explained, snickering.

What in the world was wrong with him? Why did he tell that Brenda girl we're together?

Is he really gay?

Was he staring at my thighs because he's interested in me?1

No way!

I mean, no thank you!

"Where are you headed?" Jiwoo continued with his questions. "And what's up with your car?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"Well, I'm your boyfriend for today, right?"

Holy hell. How could he say something as serious as that so flippantly? I stared at him in an attempt to discern what exactly was going on in his head, but I got nothing.

"Starstruck by your boyfriend's face?" he asked, chuckling once again.

I looked away and contemplated on how I would respond to this man. I had spent the last few years of my life playing mind games with executives and other powerful men in the corporate world. Not a single time had I been at a loss for words. And yet, I couldn't figure out what this guy was playing at.

"You could at least say thank you," Jiwoo continued.

"Huh?"

"Your boyfriend just bought you siomai, gulaman, and LRT tickets. He deserves a kiss, don't you think?"

"Can you stop with the boyfriend thing already?"

"Oh? My girlfriend's being a bit unreasonable today. Is it that time of the month?"

"What the fuck?"

"Should I get you sanitary napkins or something?"

I remembered his exchange with the other finalist at our workstation, Matt. Jiwoo had been ruthless at that time, and Matt had basically been left speechless.

"Right," I said, admitting defeat. "Thank you very much for the snack and the ticket. Seriously, though, you can now quit the boyfriend thing."

"For a second I thought I was wrong about you again," he said, tapping my knee with his thigh for the second time.

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind."

I turned to look at him again. "Tell me."

"Well, I know a few pieces of siomai are nothing compared to what you've done for me. I'm grateful for that, so I wanted to do something nice for you, even if it's just buying you street food or something."

I kept silent.

"I thought you didn't appreciate it is all."

There was a hint of shyness in his smile. It was the kind of expression meant to garner sympathy. I decided that the best course of action was to change the topic and steer it in a direction I was comfortable with.

It was my turn to tap my knee against his thigh.

"I wanted to use public transport for fun," I said. "But I wasn't prepared for it, and I ended up paying for everyone in the jeepney, eating a lifetime's worth of hair, and, as you saw earlier, getting accused of being a siomai scammer."

Jiwoo laughed as I narrated everything that had happened before we met at the station.

"I'm heading to ZM Super Mall - Manila. I wanted to buy some clothes I could wear to our classes."

"Clothes?" he asked. "ZM Manila? Let's go somewhere else. I know a better place."

"Hmm? You don't have to come. I'm sure you have stuff to do today."

"No!" Jiwoo protested loudly. "Let me go with you. Trust me. And besides, I'm your boyfriend today, remember?"

I snorted. "Seriously, you can move on from the boyfriend thing. I know you only said that to get rid of the Brenda chick chasing after you."

Jiwoo smiled at me, bumping his leg against mine for the nth time. "Yeah, but—"

"No buts."

"I'm kinda worried you'll end up getting in trouble again."

"I am an adult, and I can perfectly handle myself."

"I know, but let me accompany you just this once." He was looking at me attentively. It was the same intense gaze he had given me when he became infuriated over my getting a free pass to the finals. This time, it wasn't anger glazed over his features but something else I couldn't quite comprehend. "Let me do this for you as your friend. Please?"

"Hi kuya!" a beautiful lady suddenly standing in front of us said. She seemed to be in her mid-twenties, and she was dressed smartly for work.

"Can I help you?" Jiwoo said, almost business-like.

The lady ran a finger over her left ear, tucking a tuft of hair behind it. "My name's Marice. I hope I'm not bothering you."

"Actually, you are. I'm chatting with my boyfriend here," Jiwoo answered and grabbed my hand, seemingly for emphasis.1

"Oh." Marice blushed at the display of affection she was seeing. "I'm sorry to disturb you." She walked away and sat at an empty seat a few paces to the right. Jiwoo didn't immediately let go of my hand. I had to pry his fingers open using my other hand and untangle myself from his grasp.

"You didn't have to be that mean to her," I said.

"I told you I'm on boyfriend duty today."

"Ha ha. That doesn't change the fact you acted like a total asshole."

"I'm not interested in her. I think it's only fair to be honest."

"I wouldn't call that being honest. We're not really boyfriends, remember?" I said, laughing softly.

Jiwoo was quiet for a bit. Then he said something that made my heart do a somersault.

"You have a point. Should we make it official then?"1

I was so confused at that point. And the way he smiled puzzled me further.

"I'm kidding," he said. "But I'm serious about being friends with you. You're pretty cool, you know?"

"..."

"So, boyfriends?" A wide grin appeared on his face. "We're both boys. And now we're friends."

Okay, so I am an asshole in the physical sense of the word, but metaphorically, I'm the exact opposite. I am Mother Theresa personified. I made sure the bill didn't reach 10,000 pesos by choosing items that were all marked down 50% and higher.

Jiwoo's eyes brightened when he saw that the total was lower than what he had probably computed in his head. He eagerly took out his ZM Mall Advantage Card to further bring down the bill by using the loyalty points he had collected. As soon as we were done, I invited him to have lunch with me.

"Let's get you a new phone first," he answered. "We should be able to get good but relatively cheaper ones at the Easy-Tan Mall. Then we can have lunch there, too."

I nodded in agreement and proceeded to pick up the shopping bags from the counter. Jiwoo stopped me and took them instead.

"Boyfriend duty," he reminded me. "Besides, we're walking. These are safer with me."

I followed him out and back to the crowded and dirty streets of Quiapo. This time, we headed toward the direction of Recto, an equally crowded and confusing place. We passed by all sorts of stores selling all sorts of pampa products.

"Pampa" is the Filipino prefix added to adjectives to mean that the item is meant to achieve that effect. For example, pampa-white is a product that will whiten your skin. Pampa-slim is something that will make you slimmer.

The stores were filled with all sorts of pampa products imaginable, from your usual pampa-straight for unmanageable hair to pampa-sexy for those planning to lose weight to pampa-clear skin for those coveting a dewy and moisturized look.

A few stalls down and we were met with your not-so-typical pampa products. My eyes feasted on obnoxious claims: pampa-white for dark underarms, pampa-fresh for bad breath, and pampa-long-lasting for those with early ejaculation issues.

I pointed them out to Jiwoo, and he smugly said he knew more unbelievable ones.

We walked further down the road, and he couldn't be more right. The pampa products there were not just ridiculous—they were out of this world!

Jiwoo pointed out to one in particular: pampa-pink for those who want to have pink nipples.

What the actual fuck? I burst out laughing, and Jiwoo had to drag me away because the stall owner began to shoot us angry looks.

The next stall had something even worse: pampa-virgin for those whose orifices have been abused through years and years of sexual promiscuity. And it was available in two variants: the one with a red label was for the vagina, and the other with a pink label was for the anus.

I died of excessive laughter the moment the seller approached us and offered Jiwoo and me the pink-labeled bottle.

"This is guaranteed, sirs! After one week of our recommended dosage, your boyfriend's ass will feel like how it used to when you first entered him."

"I wasn't his first, you know," Jiwoo joked.

"Well, he needs more of this then!" exclaimed the seller. "Don't you want to taste sir in his prime?"

"Oh, hell no," I said with great difficulty. "I am fortunately blessed with genes that allow my anal walls to return to their virgin state after each session."

The seller frowned and shooed us away after that.

I was still laughing my soul out even after we reached the BAON area. The weird stalls filled with weird herbal concoctions were replaced by all sorts of stores selling electronic products—laptops, phones, tablets, and video gaming consoles and accessories.

I glanced around thinking this was the place where Jiwoo wanted me to buy a phone. He tugged at my hand, however, and mouthed the letters GSM.

"GSM?" I asked. "As in Global System for Mobile Communications?"

Jiwoo shook his head. "Galing sa magnanakaw," he replied. It was the colloquial term for stolen phones and other gadgets.

I laughed and allowed Jiwoo to lead me away from the BAON area. When we were near the edge of the road, a short man in a red shirt approached me and offered to sell me an iPhone 11 Pro.

I tried to ignore him, but he grabbed my other hand and forced me to stop. He then revealed the phone he was selling and raised it near my face.

"Only 5,000 pesos, sir. This was freshly taken. There are many stores here that can help you unlock it."

The phone was the exact same model and color as the one I had lost. I took it from him to inspect it, and as soon as the front camera detected my face, it unlocked.

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "This is mine!"