Alpha alec's redemption (Sadie) novel Chapter 277

Her words kept playing in my head.

I couldn't for the life of me understand why she would say that. Why she’d say that I am lucky.

I want to argue with her. I want to prove that she's wrong. I want to remind her of everything Alec put me through—of what I endured in his arms, at his hands—but I don’t.

This isn't about comparing who had it worse. This isn't about measuring pain like it’s a competition. This isn't about comparison at all.

She went through what she did, even though she hasn't told me what it is, and I'm sure to her it was the greatest, most heartbreaking pain she's ever felt. I went through what I did with Alec, and for me, it was the hardest, most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever faced.

It doesn't matter whose pain cuts deeper. Doesn't matter the level. Doesn't matter how much it hurts. Pain is pain.

When we’re dealing with heartbreak, when we’re dealing with pain, we’re all a little selfish. We assume that ours is the worst. We have this tendency to try and diminish the pain another person is feeling just to make room for ours.

I don’t want to do that to Nyx and I don’t want her to do it to me, either. We both suffered. We both bled. It doesn’t matter how or by whose hand; at the end of the day, we both carry pain.

Once the truth of that settles in my chest, I decide to change the subject. I don't want this to be a sore point between us. I don't want conflict, so I choose to change the topic. To focus on something else, to focus on something different, anything except what we've both been through.

“Nyx… What happened to your mother?”

She’s a silent for a moment before she answers, “I don’t know… I’m not sure.”

I freeze. “What do you mean you don’t know? What kind of answer is that?”

“You don’t know where your biological parents are, either.” She bluntly replies, her tone flat as she rolls her eyes.

I blink, speechless. “That’s… That’s different.”

“How? You don’t know where your birth parents are and I don’t know where my mother is. It’s the same thing.”

If she had shoulders, I swear she would’ve shrugged.

“It’s not the same,” I argue. “My adoptive parents are dead and up until a few weeks ago, I didn’t even know I was adopted. You can’t blame me for not knowing where my birth parents are when I didn’t even know I was adopted.”

My chest tightens. I’ve been trying so hard not to think about it. Trying so hard not to wonder why my real parents gave me up, why they didn’t want me. I’ve been trying to push down thoughts of not being wanted.

“You’ve known for weeks,” Nyx cuts in, “Yet you haven’t done anything to find them.”

Her words slice through me like a jagged blade, making it a little bit hard to breathe.

“I’ve been busy,” I mumble, trying to move past this topic, “And besides, I know you’re trying to change the subject.”

“I’m not. I’m just curious why you haven’t bothered to find out who your birth parents are.”

I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. “This isn’t about me—it’s about you. Where is your mom, Nyx? I know she’s not dead, or you would’ve said so. Are you two… estranged? Is that it?”

That’s logical. I mean if Nyx and Xena are enemies, then it could be that she and her mom are on bad terms, right? Maybe the feud between the twins affected the relationship between Nyx and her mother.

“That’s not it,” she murmurs.

“Then what is it?” I press gently. “Talk to me, Nyx.”

She sighs again and by how stiff she is, I can clearly tell that she really doesn’t want to talk about this. And maybe I am being pushy… but I need to understand. I need to know how a mother could let her daughters fall apart like this.

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