Bad Love: An Alpha's Regret (Leah and Aaron) novel Chapter 199

Chapter 199
LEAH
It’s late at night and I can’t sleep.
Not after everything that happened at the council meeting.
My thoughts had been spinning after I’d finished talking to Karolina. I’d hurried straight over to one of the Rathborn SUVs and jumped in behind the wheel. One of Aaron’s guys-luckily not James, because I couldn’t have faced him then-had seen me and quickly climbed into the passenger seat before I’d gone tearing out of the parking lot.
The other SUV’s we’d arrived with hadn’t take long to catch up,
and everytime I’d glanced in the mirror, I’d seen James behind
the wheel of the vehicle directly behind me the whole way
back to Rathborn pack lands.
I’d rushed inside before James could climb out of the other
vehicle and then shut myself in my bedroom.
Now, however, I’m roaming the halls like a lonely ghost.
I think about shifting and running, but my appetite for that
has been curtailed after the incident on Roberts pack lands.
Arguably, I know Rathborn lands are much more secure, but it’s getting to the point where I don’t feel safe leaving the house, especially without Aaron’s larger than life presence looming protectively over me at every turn.
My wandering brings me to the library, and I step in to find a cheery fire roaring in the hearth, and soft candle light illuminating the space.
Outside the window, new snow is falling in the light of a
half-moon.
The room is cozy and inviting, and I wonder who left it this way…until I step further into the room and find James lounging on the rug in front of the fire, reading a book of poetry.
He straightens when he sees me, snapping the book shut.
“Leah! Is everything okay? Why are you still awake?”
I think about fleeing, but I know I can’t avoid James forever, not when his one sole duty is to protect me.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I admit, crossing my arms.
James climbs to his feet, unfolding his large form and then stepping closer to me.
“Is there anything I can do?” he asks in a low pleasant voice.
And I can tell he means it.
James isn’t trying to hide that he cares about me any longer.
I know I could ask anything of him right now, and he would do
it for me.
When exactly did things between us change so dramatically?
All these thoughts collide in my mind. Everything Aaron has
done to this point, ending with him asking for a divorce.
Karolina telling me how Aaron is swiftly losing control, and if
I care about him even a little, then maybe I should reject him
and break the mating bond.
I look up to find James has drifted closer still, and there’s
barely any distance between us any longer.
I’ve never wanted anyone else except Aaron.
Not since I grew from a child, into a teenager, and then a
woman, and I came to understand what it is for a woman to
want a man.
But for the first time, I seriously wonder what else-who
else-might be attractive to me, if not for Aaron being a sun that eclipsed my entire life.
And then I can’t help but wonder exactly what James saw
earlier when I was with Aaron.
“How much did you see?” I ask, feeling my body warm, knowing I’m treading into dangerous territory. “Earlier, at the Council Meeting offices. How much of me did you see?”
James’ cheeks redden a little, and I wish I could take back the question and pretend like the whole thing didn’t happen.
“Barely anything,” James assures me. “But Leah, you should know, my feelings for you-”
I hold up a hand to cut him off, not wanting to hear the words, but at the same time, part of me is curious, though my wolf doesn’t like what’s happening here.
But I need to know.
Once and for all, I need to know the truth of everything.
I place my hand in the middle of James’s chest and gently lean up toward him.
Shock crosses his face, but he doesn’t pull away from me as I
kiss him.
I can sense he’s holding back.
He doesn’t want to overwhelm me.
Aaron never cared about that. Aaron never held back when
we were together. I realize now that I prefer that. I don’t want tempered passion or restraint.
The kiss is nice, but it’s kind of all detached.
There are no fireworks.
There’s no overwhelming desire crashing through my body
and making me forget my own name.
All I feel right now is kind of empty.
I know now, Aaron is the only answer I’ll ever need to
anything.
So I break the kiss and step back from James, sending him an apologetic look.
But he just smiles back at me, as if he already knows.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him anyway. “I can’t.”
“I know,” James confirms. He takes my hand and lifts it to kiss
my knuckles. “You love Aaron. You’ve always loved Aaron. I
just hope in the end, it doesn’t ruin you.”
With that, he turns and leaves the room, abandoning me to
my churning thoughts.
That moment with James, it’s like it jolted something loose in my brain, and for the first time since I woke up to the shock of losing my baby, I think I’m seeing things clearly.
Aaron has been doing everything in his power to push me
away, but as Karolina rightly pointed out tonight, keeping himself apart from me-his mate-is adversely affecting Aaron,
and it’s only going to get worse.
Why would he do that? After mating me to save my life?
Why save me and mate me, only to punish us both?
Yet tonight, when I’d pushed him over the edge and he’d lost control, only to sensuously make love to me, he’d told me
I would burn this entire world for you, Leah, my mate. You
are mine. After he’d also told me I care too da mn much right
before he’d walked out.
None of it makes any sense.
And everything he’s been doing-running the packs and
business remotely-is totally out of character for him.
So what is he even doing?
Then, abruptly I realize I’m asking the wrong question.
The question I should be asking is actually what the hell is he hiding from me?