Beauty and The Beta (Bailey) novel Chapter 16

Chapter 16 Asher

+5 Pearls

After tossing and turning, for goddess knows how many more hours after my recurring nightmare, I had given up all hope of sleep finding me again. Though in some ways I think sleep was something I dreaded because it brought that vision over and over. It meant I had to lose Isla again and again. The pain had been the worst pain I could ever imagine. I, like so many others, had heard of wolves losing their mate and the damage it could do to them, but never thought much of it. Though, I suppose, as a young and carefree boy, enjoying my life and having fun, why would you?

But, at the age of seventeen, fate had decided that was what fate would be dealt to me. I was to discover exactly what the pain could be. Discover the agonizing sensation as agony rippled through my body as the matebond was torn from me. Experience exactly how torturous the loss. would feel, and despite being surrounded by a pack, just how lonely you could feel when the one person destined to be by your side was no longer there. I had barely had a chance to develop a long-standing bond with my mate, but she was mine all the same. The connection was there, like it was with all fated mates. And losing her felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest and shredded into pieces.

And now, near seven years on, I felt like I was still trying to piece it all together, and I still felt like there were picces missing. Pieces of my heart are missing and pieces of me are missing. And these dreams… these visions, reliving it all meant I felt that pain… experienced it all… so often… too often… I could see how losing a mate could send a person to the brink of insanity. I think I may have verged upon that edge many times. I sometimes wonder if my own pack members question if I have already teetered over the edge. But, my focus in coping was my role as a Beta.

Soon after I lost my beautiful girl, Caleb became Alpha and I became Beta. It gave me a sense of purpose. I had a pack to be there for. I had failed my mate. I knew that, and would never forgive myself for that. But, I could be there for the people within my pack. And that is what I had tried to do. Doing so many more duties than were expected of me, just to keep my mind busy. But, in my own time, I was very isolated. I became withdrawn. But, that was what felt right. That was where I wanted to be. Alone.

I know I caused many concerns and rumors to be spread about my darkness and the fact I was so withdrawn. Living alone within the packhouse, now Caleb lived within his Alpha home with his mate and our pack Luna, only made the situation worse. But, I could not bring myself to live in my former Beta home that Isla and I had moved into when she had come to the pack. The home held too many memories. We had only been there a short time together, but it held memories of love. Hope. Excitement. Dreams of new mates and their future. The two of us together. Returning there alone after she had gone, it felt like the house was empty. Like something was missing. I couldn’t stay…

So, I had moved into the Beta suite within the Packhouse and I had stayed there. Our pack was unique in that it had many homes for all our pack members, so despite the bedrooms within the packhouse, they were not needed. There was nobody living in the packhouse now other than me. So, once the crowds from the day had left, it became quite lonely. But, I have to say I preferred it

that way.

I had showered and sat myself in my office, coffee in hand, reading through files in preparation for my meeting later in the morning. Some she-wolf from a pack further out in the region, I believe, who my Uncle was suggesting as a potential teacher for the pack’s junior school. As much

12:23 PM

Chapter 16 Asher

+5 Pearls

as I respect my Uncle, he had been drinking the night he was trying to suggest this woman to me, so I had decided it would be best to invite the girl to the pack for us to speak with her and come to our own conclusion on whether she would be suitable. I did not want just anyone being brought into the pack, no matter how desperate we may be.