Betrothed To The Mafia Lord novel Chapter 368

Luca’s POV

If guilt could kill, I’m sure I’d have been six foot under at this point.

Never have I felt this level of guilt in my life before, and I knew I was only making things worse by pulling away from Sofia.

But, it wasn’t like I could control myself to no longer feel disgusted with myself any longer each time I was around her.

This was such a foreign feeling for me. Never have I known that I’d ever be in this kind of situation, caused by no one but myself.

With my hands still stroking Sofia’s upper arm right now, it felt like that had rendered some sort of peace over me. When I had finally get to hug her some time ago, it felt like that single thing had put a stop to the uproar of emotions that had been going up in my head throughout the whole of today.

When Alexa had called me some days ago back at the office and I had Informed her not to call me any longer, she called me again and I blocked her from reaching me without even hesitating.

Each day, I had barely been able to go about my daily routine without guilt coming to hit me with full force. That was the reason why I’ve been overworking myself and taking on more work that I’ve been doing for the past few months, just so that I’d be able to not arrive home on time and be hit with a very intense guilt as soon as I set my eyes on Sofia.

I knew I was only making things worse this way. Sofia’s reaction today was proof enough. The way betrayal and confusion had been painted starkly over her face, that was proof enough that she was hurting by all what I was doing now.

That was the only sign I needed to confirm that it was only going to break her further if I dare to confess to her. She’d definitely hate me so much and want nothing to do with me. Heavens forbid that happen because I wasn’t sure of what I was going to be doing with myself if that happens.

The fact that she was always waiting up on me each day before eating dinner, made me feel even worse, and after she had claimed that it was unfair for me to ask her not to do that, I felt even more floored and if I haven’t been sure that there’s a way I could feel even worse, that moment definitely made that very obvious to me.

It was very clear on her face that she hadn’t fully believed me when I had promised her that I was going to fix this, but the fact that she was standing here before me and not flinching away from me was really comforting and soothing to me.

“Come with me, please.” I found myself saying to her, as my right hand slide down her arm to grasp her palm, entwining our hands together.

She blinked up at me a little before nodding her head at me.

My eyes slide down her body, over my shirt which was large over her slight frame to stop a few inches above her knees, and I was sure she had something really tiny beneath the shirt.

It felt conforming to me that she could still wear my shirt even though I was really pulling away from her for now, even though I was making her feel confused and perplexed.

The fact that I had almost made her cry tonight was still fresh in my head. I definitely do not want to relive that moment.

I made my way out of the sitting room, tugging Sofia behind me, knowing damn well that the television was still turned on in the sitting room.

I led the way up the stairs, pausing for a moment and tightening my grip on her palm.

“We still haven’t had dinner yet, should we –”

I watched as she shook her head instantly, mouth twisting sideways as she spoke. “No, I don’t feel hungry any longer.”

My insides twisted at her words, and I knew that it was no one’s fault but mine.

On a normal day, I’d have forced some food into her. I’d have cradled her in my lap and cajoled her to have some dinner.

But now, the thought of even being that close to her physically, was making me feel like I was some disgusting disease which she was going to get conterminated from should she come into super close proximity.

I led us to the top of the stairs, past so much doors before stopping outside the door which I’ve only brought Sofia in once.

I led the way into the room and quietly closed the door behind us, and then I slowly let go of her hand. I watched as she turned around in a single spot while taking in everything at once.

I walked towards the piano and pulled off the protective sheet over it, and then I plugged it in. I sat down on the sort bench before it and then I worked the first few buttons of my shirt open.

I held a hand out to Sofia as I turned back at her and watched as she hesitated before closing the distance to take my hand, sitting down in the spots beside me.

Her cheeks were blazing red, it wasn’t hard to figure out why.

She’s definitely remembering the last time we were both here, how I had laid her over this same piano and completely ravished her with my fingers and lips.

“You can play the piano?” She asked in an awed voice when I pressed on a couple of keys.

I let out a low hum. “Perhaps.”

“You said you’ve forgotten how to.” She reminded me.

I didn’t know what to say In response to that, so I remained silent as I began to play one of my favorite classics since when I learnt how to play.

There was so much I needed to say, so much I wanted to talk about, so much I didn’t know how to perfectly word.

Which is why I decided to play right now.

The piano.

A musical instrument which I haven’t touched in years.

As I played the piano, I got lost in the melody, and after sometime, Sofia leaned her head against my shoulder.

It wasn’t long before she fell asleep.