Big Bad Wolfie novel Chapter 69

Jason's POV

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. This is all hitting me really f*cking hard and really f*cking fast. "Should we talk about things?" I asked Maria more aggressively than I meant to.

She looked up from her meal and locked eyes with me. She sighed but put the burger down and gave me her full attention. "Do you want to?" She asked me.

"No, but we need to," I gritted out, trying not to take the stress out on her.

This is all my fault, I shouldn't be mad at her for it.

"Of course we need to talk about it, Wolfie. Just not right now. We need to talk when we're not exhausted, starving, and injured."

I shook my head, "You're right." Then my attention shot back to her, "How's your abdomen?"

She shrugged and glanced down at the wrap job one of our pack doctors did, "Finally healing after some rest," she said. She glanced up at me, "thanks for that, by the way."

I nodded, "No problem."

"I liked holding you." Did I say that out loud?

She giggled.

A smile tugged to my lips.

"And I liked being held," she grinned shyly.

I couldn't help the matching grin that grew on my face as well.

"Now eat, it'll sober you up and food is good."

"Hey, I am perfectly sober," I lied.

She snorted and shook her head, "Sure mister," she deepened her voice and put an over exaggerated frown on her face, "We should talk about all our problems right this instant," she mocked me.

"Hey, I do not sound like that!" I defended, holding back a smile.

She put her hands on her hips. "I do not sound like that!"

"Oh yeah, very funny, very mature," I nodded in feigned agreement.

"But of course," she crossed her legs, leaned back in her chair, and stuck her pinky out from her plastic cup, "I am the epitome of maturity."

She jumped when her chair started tipping back, spilling some of her soda as she almost flipped.

I started laughing hysterically at her antics, the irony of her last comment and her chair almost flipping being too much for me.

She breathed heavily with wide eyes, "That wasn't even an ironic joke, that for real just happened," she said, sounding like she was coping with it herself.

My laughter boomed louder.

She clutched her chest with one hand while the other clutched the table for safety, "My life just flashed before my eyes."

I shook my head as the laughter continued.

I know I don't have the right to feel this.

But I can't help but think it.

I f*cking love this woman.

'. . . Yeahhhh. . . Even I don't think you're allowed to say that.'

Shut up Ki.

Maria sighed.

We had finished our food and now we're just awkwardly standing outside the restaurant I picked for us.

Neither of us know what to do next.

"So. . . Did you like the food?"

"Oh, yeah," she nodded.

"Good, good."

"How'd you like your meal?"

"It was nice," I answered.

"Cool," she smiled and nodded.

". . .Yeah."

"Do those look like storm clouds to you?"

She looked behind her where I gestured. "Um, maybe."

"It might rain soon," I tilted my head at them.

'Are we actually talking about the weather right now?'

Hush!

"Yeah," Maria nodded.

"Or maybe not," she shrugged.

"Maybe not," I nodded along.

'This is so painful to watch.'

"How about that airline food," Maria started.

"Oh —"

'Jason! End this sh*t show of awkwardness right f*cking now, or I'm running both of us off the nearest cliff!'

"Can I take you somewhere?" I blurted out.

'Oh sh*t. . .'

'Are you gonna —'

Yes.

She looked surprised at my randomness. "Um. . . Sure."

"Okay, great," I took her arm and started walking without thinking. But the way she stiffened in my hold stopped me in my tracks.

. . . I'm such an @ss.

'You're just excited.'

No, I'm just an @ss.

I let go of her immediately.

. . . I should have never gotten into the habit of just grabbing her like that.

'I feel it too. . . The shame.'

'Why did it feel okay before?'

Because we tricked ourselves into believing she's the enemy.

There was silence in my head for a second.

'Oh.'

'Well, don't do it anymore.'

Well, nah sh*t.

"Wolfie?" Maria questioned, looking slightly concerned with how I stopped talking or moving.

'Should we be mad at the nickname?'

I don't think so.

'Good. I don't wanna be mad at her anymore.'

I looked up to meet her eyes, "I'm sorry," I told her looking straight into them.

She looked back at me and I could tell she knew I meant for more than just zoning out just now.

She only nodded her acknowledgment.

"Can I take you on a date?" I asked, taking both her hands gently in mine.

I don't feel so bad about this touch.

She laughed kind of unsurely, clearly caught off guard. "I thought you were taking me somewhere."

"I am," I jumped to reassure her, a little too eagerly. I chuckled awkwardly at the sight of her slight surprise. I cleared my throat. "I mean, I still am," I said more calmly, "I was just asking if you'd like to make it a date."

'She's gonna say no. It's not like we've earned it.'

"Um —" she started, but before she could shoot me down.