(BL) Hunting The Field Guide novel Chapter 59

Chapter 59: The Date from Hell (part 3)

"So, ah, I watched your interview that you did when the news broke. Is it true that you met him on the front lines and fell in love with him?" Terry asked, still holding Savvy back. Kellen, feeling awkward all of a sudden, laughed softly. Yeah, that was the cover story they’d decided on.

"That’s...how it was, yeah." Kellen gave them a nervous smile. After all, it was ridiculous that a C Class Guide fell in love with a Captain. Who would ever think that would become a reality?

"Oh. I thought maybe you had exaggerated it, but if that’s true, good for you Kellen." She licked her lips. "But aren’t you...nervous around him? He seems so...scary." Her eyes widened. "Uh! He used to seem so scary before he met you. Ha ha." Kellen was only confused for a second by Terry’s jumbled words until he remembered an important fact. Terry could sense power levels while Kellen couldn’t. In fact, both Savvy and Terry could. The Captain must have felt terrifying to them, while because Kellen couldn’t sense his powers, he was able to behave normally.

"Ah, well, I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight, no. But I did notice him when I first met him on the front lines. I mean, who wouldn’t?" He joked and the two other Guides laughed nervously. That feeling hadn’t left him though, and Kellen worried what it meant. Was there going to be another attack? Why was he so anxious?

"So, if you didn’t fall in love with him at first sight, what did you like about the Captain when you first met him?" Kellen bit his lip at her question. Should I be honest? Fuck, it was better then lying.

"His body." Savvy started coughing and Terry covered her mouth.

"I-Is that all?" She asked and Kellen glanced over at where the Captain was answering the phone. He prayed that he had been far enough away that he hadn’t heard his response, otherwise there would be hell to pay later.

"That’s just how it started. Of course that isn’t all." He muttered. He felt his face heat as he continued. "He’s good to his people, and treats everyone with respect. He’s smart, and is very valuable in a team on the front lines. He worries about how others treat Espers and Guides, far more than some of the others I have met. And honestly, he could be crazier for an S Class, but he tries very hard to control himself around me." Kellen didn’t want to get ahead of himself and say it was for his sake. The Captain was all of those things, and he was very sweet and caring. He also wanted to make a good impression on his parents. The Captain, even before they had paired up, had always taken anything Kellen had said into great consideration. When he’d been arguing against stupid ideas the others had proposed on the front lines, the Captain had never cut him off or made him feel inferior. He’d also often backed up Kellen’s suggestions, and made Kellen feel seen and heard, before Kellen had made a name for himself. So, it wasn’t wrong to say that Kellen had noticed his body first, since he did strike a rather imposing and attractive form, but it was everything else that made him feel drawn towards the Captain.

"So..." Terry shuffled closer to Kellen, even as Savvy rolled her eyes to the side. "Is he...kind? Wild? Sweet?" It took Kellen a moment to understand what she was trying to get at, and when he did, his cheeks turned red. Kellen gently slapped the other Guide’s shoulder and she giggled.

"Terry!" He chastised.

"Come on Kellen! I won’t tell anyone else, you can trust me." She whispered, a grin on her face. Kellen swallowed. He knew he could trust Terry, even if she was a gossip. She’d always kept everything he’d told her inside. He exhaled shakily, thinking back to the previous night. What was the Captain like? The image of the Captain’s face popped into Kellen’s head, his eyes molten gold as he stared down at Kellen. His face hungry, his body bare, his face flushed as he....

Kellen cleared his throat.

"A-Attentive." He admitted quietly, and Terry’s eyes widened before a grin split her face. Savvy, who was nearby, heard what Kellen said and glanced at the S Class who stood in the distance. She gave a small nod of approval. Terry wrapped her arm around Kellen’s waist, giving him a squeeze.

"I’m glad that your pair suits your tastes Kellen, and that he can break you out of your shell." Her eyes were kind, and the sense of unease in Kellen surged. This felt...wrong. Something was wrong. Why was Terry speaking this way? Kellen glanced over at Savvy, and she had a relieved look on her face. Why? "Are you doing okay? I saw the live feed from yesterday. You were guiding for a long time. You must have overexerted yourself." Kellen could feel himself begin to sweat as Terry released him, stepping back so she was standing beside Savvy again.

"I’m fine now, I promise. The Captain made sure to take good care of me." He said, and even Kellen could hear the desperation in his tone. What was going on? This felt wrong. The way they were looking at him felt wrong.

"I’m glad you have someone looking out for you Kellen." Savvy said, and Kellen could feel himself going white. "Because we aren’t going to be able to do it any longer."

"W-What are you saying? What does that mean?" Kellen asked, flustered and Savvy’s smile only held pity.

"It means that we should have cut ties with you years ago, but we didn’t. It was selfish of us, but we couldn’t cut contact with someone so well connected." She shrugged. "Plus, you were always so nice to us. Sending us gifts for our birthdays even if we hadn’t spoken in months. None of our other friends were like that." Kellen wasn’t sure what to say. He glanced at Terry, hoping this was a joke, but she only offered a watery smile.

"Do you know what they offer instead? Prestige, Kellen. Something you’d never have to worry about. Especially now that you’re an A Class Guide." It felt like they’d stabbed a knife in him. All his joy at awakening, at improving vanished at their words. At the accusation in their tone and eyes. They felt like he was abandoning them. His eyes widened.

"I’m sorry for her outburst. We both know she can be a little overdramatic." She chuckled, but sighed shortly after. They stood in silence for a moment before Terry spoke up. "You’re...special Kellen, and the time we spent where I didn’t hate you was very special to me. I just hope you learn how to not let others take advantage of you." Terry’s eyes began to water and it felt like knives were tearing Kellen apart from the inside. He wanted to reach out to her, comfort her, but he hesitated. She’d said that she hated him. "I just wish for your happiness Kellen. I mean it. I’ve spent too long wanting for your downfall, and I know now that it’s never going to happen." She whispered and a lump formed in Kellen’s throat. He had a hard time swallowing.

"I...I never meant for you to feel that way." He whispered softly, and Terry’s eyes overflowed. Kellen glanced down, swallowing again. "I also just want you to be happy Terry. And Savvy too." When he glanced up at her, she gave him a watery, soft smile, before nodding, and turning to follow after Savvy. Kellen felt like the world tilted and he found himself on his ass on the ground. He didn’t even notice his vision narrow as he tried to process what had just happened. He’d felt something was off as soon as he’d seen them, but he had never anticipated that. Who would? They had been his friends. He had thought that they were his friends. To find out that all the time that he’d known them they hadn’t liked him at all?

Kellen’s chest clenched tightly and his vision narrowed further. Finally, he remembered to breathe. He sucked in, his lungs aching the same way his chest did and he rubbed circles into the same spot, over his heart, as his head spun.

What if this was true for all of his relationships? What if it was true that no one actually liked him? That they were all using him? What if after people were done finding him useful that they all left? What was Kellen going to do?

Terry and Savvy had been the only two people left from his guiding school days who had still kept in contact with him, and if he was honest with himself, he only kept in contact with Sakura and Taylor from his high school days. He knew that Sakura wanted something from him, so maybe the same thing would happen once he gave her what she wanted. With Taylor, it was a little more obscure. Why did she still keep in contact with him? Was it because of his Dad? Because if she kept in contact with him in any capacity it made it less weird to keep in contact with his Father?

Kellen sucked in again, his body beginning to shake.

He needed to make sure Taylor knew that she could still keep in contact with his Dad even if she didn’t like him. He didn’t like this feeling, and he didn’t want anyone else to have to go through it. He never wanted to force himself and his presence on others. He...he too, was tired of feeling like shit while being around others. Maybe...maybe the Captain was only around him because he’d never had a high compatibility rating with anyone else either? Maybe Kellen should be the one to suggest he try getting matched with someone else? Sure, 90% was a high match rate, but that didn’t mean you had to become a pair, and it wasn’t as if there was a penalty to breaking the contract they’d signed. Kellen’s chest ached painfully, and he forced himself to blink back the tears. Even in a daze, he knew he was still in public. He couldn’t cry with so many witnesses, and probably cameras around. It wouldn’t look good for the Guild’s image.

Another sharp, painful twist in his chest.

He’d forced Brent to join the Guild against his wishes. He’d blackmailed him. He was the worst kind of person. No wonder everyone left him. He couldn’t stand himself either. Everything everyone had ever said about him was right. He was trash. He was no good. A Class change wasn’t going to change that.