Capture Your Heart novel Chapter 185

Standing in front of the apartment, Karin tremblingly takes out the key to open the door. The house inside is pitch dark. It’s not only dark but also cold, even colder than outside.

She walks in and turns on the light. The incandescent lamp lights up the house. The quilt on the bed has not been folded. The room is messy. The few buckets of instant noodles have not been thrown away. It seems that someone has lived here all the time, but in fact, Jacob hasn’t come back since the day he disappeared. These days, she has always come here to take a look. Every time she sees the lock on the door, she loses the courage to open the door. Then she just quietly stands outside the door for a while, then leaves sadly...

Tears slips down again. She takes off her coat and cleans up the room silently. She does a good cleaning, because she subconsciously feels that Jacob will come back, even though it’s just her illusion.

After finishing everything, she begins to search through everywhere, trying to find some clues to prove why Jacob left without saying goodbye.

Finally, under the pillow, she finds out a yellowed diary, which is very thick. Judging from the date, it should have been written for several years. Karin's heart aches again. She has never known Jacob has the habit of writing a diary.

For a child who has not received education, being able to develop such a habit can only explain one thing, which is that he has too much suffering in his heart and he can’t tell anyone. So he can only write down all his thoughts, which is also a kind of emotional sustenance.

The first half of the diary is the record of Jacob’s past wandering careers. Then Karin reads one of the pages, which says…

"September 16th, Cloudy. I was beaten again the day before yesterday. I have forgotten that how many times I was beaten. I thought I was dead, but when I opened my eyes, I found that I was still alive. For such a person like me, I really don’t know being able to live to this day is if my vitality is too strong, or my luck is too good. It shouldn’t be my luck. Because since I was born, there are never lucky things happening to me. But this time, I did seem to be lucky. I was rescued by a beautiful woman. When she looked at me, I felt she’s so like my dead sister. The first time I saw her, I actually wanted to cry. This is indeed my luck. It is my only luck since I was born. I don’t think I won’t be so lucky anymore. God has always been harsh to me..."

"October 6th, Sunny. Ever since I learned that the sister’s boyfriend was the one I almost killed, I’ve been feeling bad these days. I’m going crazy because of the condemnation of my conscience. Today I accidentally got to know that man was going to marry another woman. Should I stop him or not? If I stop him, I will definitely die. I am not afraid of death. But when I die, what should my poor mother do? If I don’t stop him, what should my kind sister do? I’m so distressed. Can anyone tell me what should I do...?"

"October 25th, Sunny. After a period of painful struggle, I finally decided to repay my sister for her life-saving grace. Yesterday I saw her on the street. In the crowds, I saw her. She looked so haggard and so sad. She saved my life, but I took away the happiness that belongs to her. I'm a bastard. I deserve to go to hell. I can't let myself live in guilt all my life, so Mom, I'm sorry. I think if you are by my side, you will also support my decision, because you are as kind-hearted as sister. But if there is another life, wish you don’t have a son like me..."

"November 6th, Sunny, I walked out of the prison gate today. The sun dazzled me. I couldn’t open my eyes. It was like a dream. Once I went in, I never thought I could come out again. I knew that sister saved me again. Is there really such a kind person in this world? After she knew that I almost killed her boyfriend, she still saved me. Standing in the sun, I don’t know whether I should cry or laugh. Such a favor, how could I repay her in my rest life...?"

"November 25th, Cloudy, I officially started working in sister’s boyfriend’s company. Although I am not used to it, I will try to get used to it. I will live a good life in the future and I will never let sister down. She saved my broken life, so even for her, I have to live well. Sister, you have to be happy..."

"December 25th, heavy snow..."

In fact, this is the last diary written by Jacob. Before Karin reads it, she has never thought that the content in it will have much impact on her.