Celebrity Crush Turned Deadly Love! novel Chapter 60

Yadav's PoV

I truly don't believe that I told her it's over. It's so painful and heart breaking. Her teary eyes pierce my heart. I was myself before she came into my life. I changed myself to a man of her liking just for her. Everything is in vain.

She didn't realize what I have in my heart for her. She would have never had an opinion like this on me if she realised my love for her. I was a stubborn, strong headed, easy going, carefree man. But now, I am wrecked. I don't know if I can mend myself. I don't know if I can ever erase her out of me.

She has imprinted herself in me. Now it's like, we are not two different people. But she crumbled my heart and threw it away. Everytime, I stepped down from myself to protect her, to love her and not to make her feel down. But she didn't have trust in me. She thinks I will go to someone for sex. She thinks I cannot live without sex. That is not true.

Though I had many chances with her to have sex, it's me who avoided doing it. She deliberately presented her to me twice now. Though I wanted to have her for myself, I valued her and her dignity that I controlled myself.

I have had sex before which I did just like that. I thought it's no wrong. I had opportunities and I used them. Girls gave themselves to me. Never once have I had the urge to have sex before her. But in Coonoor, when she offered herself, I totally wanted her. But then I restrained myself from doing that just because I loved her!

Shouldn't she have thought about all these before accusing me of such a low act? I drove in the traffic which made me more frustrated than I already am. I pulled over in a parking lot of a hotel and sat leaning on the steering wheel. I accidently switched on the music system which sang,

'Mulumathi avalathu mugamaagum

Malligai avalathu manamaagum

Maargazhi maathathu panithuli

Avalathu Kuralaagum

Magarantha kaattin maan kutti

Avalathu nadai aagum

(her face is like a full moon

her scent is just like jasmine

her voice is like a dew drop

she walks like a deer in a forest!)

Avalai oru naal nan parthen

Idhayam kodu ena varam kaveten

Adhai koduthaal udane

eduthey sendruvittal!

(I saw her one day

I asked for her heart

She gave me

But took mine away very soon!)

Arugil irunthal oru nimidam

Tholaivil therindhal maru nimidam

Kangalil maraiyum poi maan pol

Odugiral'

(She was near me in a minute

she went far away the next minute

she just disappeared like a mirage!)

This song, argh! I want to wash her thoughts away. I switched to the radio. It played another song which is a sad song when the female lead has another prospective man.

Fuck, I turned it off. Why the hell does this happen to me? Raajiv! He is going to have her for himself. She is not meant for me. She doesn't trust me. She doesn't deserve to be with me. It's better this way. She doesn't belong with me.

I now understand when mom and dad told me about the playboy tag attached to me. They were feared for this. They feared my heart would break. This wouldn't be a problem even now, if not for Shia.

I saw her love for me in her eyes. But what is love when there are doubts? I accepted her as she is. I loved her for what she is. That is love. I should have never accepted my feelings for her. The only mistake I made was committing myself to her. If I were that same old Yadav, this wouldn't be so much of a pain as it is now. I decided to let go of her. We are better off without each other. It's good this way. We can save each other from future heart breaks!

Akshu's PoV

I have committed a terrible mistake. Everyone was right about talking in a bad mood. I should have listened to him and gone while he was patient. After cleaning up my mess, if I had come back to him, he would have reacted differently.

The only question he asked me was if I said my NO to that proposal. If I had done that, everything would have been the same as before.