Chasing the rejected Luna novel Chapter 34

Ryven's POV

I had been getting impatient when I found out Sophia's lessons weren't working for her. I hired the best trainer in my pack in hopes of getting her wolf quicker. But she just had to rein it in.  

It angered me to no end. Each time I stomp to her room to drag her out of bed, I come to my senses. Especially her smell, it was tantalizing. I wanted to soak in it all day. 

I liked her. I have liked her from the moment I set my eyes on her. I wanted to make her my Luna even if I knew Natalie would be coming back anytime soon. I promised to make her my Luna. But for years I hadn't heard from her, I doubted she was still alive. 

It was like she vanished off the face of the Earth. Natalie had been my first love when my father often hit me and made me feel like I wasn't enough, always rubbing the fact that I could never measure up to Ava. She was the only person by my side. I loved her for a long time but she saw me only as a friend. 

The longer I thought about it, the more I regretted the reason I gave her space because I couldn't deal with being friends with her only. At that moment, I barked with myself, doubted myself but not to the point of being suicidal. 

Never.

I wanted more, I wanted more power. I guess that's the only resemblance between my father and I. We wanted more power. We wanted to be the best. The top of it all. I was often at loggerheads with him the older I grew and that was when he decided to make Ava the Alpha. What a sick bastard! 

I hissed in anger as its red hotness burned my insides to the point I wanted an out. I wanted to let it all out. I had always felt that way. Maybe it was my childhood that played a big part in it. Or maybe it was the fact that I knew deep down that all that my father said was true. That I would never measure up to Ava. 

I certainly wanted to get better than her. And seeing her each day only reminded me that I would never get the love of my parents. Especially my mother. I loved her to the bone. She was my only hope in the cold pack house. 

Whenever my father hit me, she always rushed to protect me. And after her death, the impact she had on my life hit me like a walk that I was unable to get up for days. I thought about running away. But that would only harden my father's ill thought of me. 

And so, I did everything to get what he wanted of me even if it meant hurting my loved ones. And that included Sophia. 

I felt a dull ache in my heart each time. I knew I could never love her the way I had intended to. I wanted her so badly that I stole her away from Alexander. I was smoothened with jealousy at how she looked at him. As if he was her world. And then, I found out she was the one I had been looking for for years. 

I debated with myself for a long time until I decided to put my emotions aside. In this cruel world of Werewolves, it was dangerous to rule with one's emotions. Just like Alexander did. What a stupid Alpha! I wondered how he was made the Alpha. 

And sometimes, I also wonder what it would be like to get my mate. I often envy those with their mates. Just like Ava. She seemed to have everything she wanted waiting at her disposal. She was one lucky bitch. 

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I watched the blues of Sophia's eyes shine brightly. I could tell she was scared with the way her hand clenched around her dress so tightly like she wanted to rip them in two. 

I knew why she was scared. I had the same reaction when I first met Tenia. I was only sixteen years old at that time and I was looking for the last descendants of the moon goddess just like my father and I had done in the past. 

I wanted to please him even while in death. I couldn't help it. There was always an inner voice in me that always reminded me of his words. It was like it was etched deep in my soul. I tried all methods of medication and self-reflection from therapy to get rid of it. But it just wouldn't go! 

It stuck to me like glue that wouldn't go no matter what. 

A part of me knew I was at fault. I didn't want to let go. I wanted to prove him wrong; I wanted to prove that I was more than what he could ever imagine. And I wanted to smile at his grave, telling him all that I've achieved which he couldn't do in his fifty-five years on Earth. 

"Bring your right hand," Tenia told Sophia, rousing me from my thoughts. She looked at me and then did as she was asked. 

I placed a hand on her back to calm her down. Her heart hasn't stopped beating since the time we stepped foot in the house. 

"Why are we here?" Sophia asked me even when Tenia had told her to be quiet. I guess that was another reason I felt drawn to her the moment we met. 

"I'll tell you later. Just do as he asks," I said and she looked away from me to him. 

Tenia's eyes were closed and his lips moved like he was in some form of realm which couldn't be seen with the ordinary. 

When I was younger I wanted to be like him. But I was never given the chance. Tenia was like a father to me. He gave me words of advice. Told me things I thought only existed in Ava. I was grateful for his help in my life.