Contractually Yours Alpha (Riley) novel Chapter 583

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Five 

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Five 

Lying here on the bed made me feel vulnerable before him, but I didn’t trust myself to stand without getting dizzy. I stared up into those beautiful eyes–so beautiful that, for a moment, I wanted to forget everything that went wrong and just hold him close… No, 

I shove the thought away. 

“It didn’t look that way to me. You told me that you’ve found a new life, one I wasn’t part of–it seemed to me that you’d meant exactly what you said.” 

“I thought I could start over–I wanted to leave it all behind. But I couldn’t. Not because of the pack but because of you. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t let you go.” 

“And those women?” I asked, unable to keep the jealousy from my tone. 

“I thought using them would help me get over you. But it didn’t.” 

“It hurts knowing you were with others. I know we weren’t mated anymore, but I just thought…” My voice faltered. I exhaled sharply, shaking my head. “I can’t do this right now. Just leave.” 

“Not this time. I’m not leaving this time, Kaida.” 

My eyes met his. “I blame you Alexander. I blame you for Aric’s death. If you had arrived sooner, he wouldn’t have died. He died saving my life–I should have been the one dead.” 

Of course, I knew how much he wanted Aric dead, and perhaps this was an added bonus for him, but Aric was a good person, and he didn’t deserve to die that way. 

“You’re right. He would have still been alive if I’d come earlier.” 

“Then why didn’t you? Did you need one last taste of your new life‘ before letting it go?” 

He was silent for a few seconds, guilt written all over his face. Good. He should feel guilty. I still remembered how indifferent he had been when I told him I had almost been killed. 

“A few hours after you left, something happened. That’s when I realized my wolf was back–but what I didn’t expect was to be stuck in my wolf form. For days, I knew there was something I had to do, somewhere I needed to be, but my wolf was in complete control.” 

“Your wolf is back? How is that… How is that possible?” 

“I don’t know either. But with my father, I figured it was because he was a Lycan. This? No damn clue.” 

I was happy for him; with his wolf back, he was complete and… 

“That’s why you came back.” I said realization finally dawning on me. “You’d never have come back without your wolf, would you?” I asked. 

“Kaida, you were the only one on my mind. Leaving you and this pack was a cowardly move; I should never have left.” 

“I’m sorry.” I finally say. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for; I, on the other hand, keep messing things up.” 

No, I do. Aric’s death wasn’t your fault. I just… I feel unworthy, like I don’t deserve to live while he dies. I am not any better than him; why do I get to live and he has to die in my stead? It just feels so… unfair.” 

Alexander’s expression tightened, like he was envisioning it all all over again. 

1/2 

+25 BONUS 

Chapter One Hundred and Ninety Five 

“I was so close when I heard your cry. That sound… it broke me.” His voice dipped lower. “I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you, and I won’t ask you to. But don’t push me away. I know I don’t deserve you–but that doesn’t stop me from wanting you.” 

“But we’re no longer mates. What if I had taken your advice and, like any ‘big girl‘ would, moved on?” I threw his own words back at him. 

Alexander came closer, sitting beside me on the bed.