Chapter 19 ~ A hand or a messed mind
Athena
“That’s how forgettable you are.”
The words echo in my mind, slicing through the silence of my car. Over and over, they replay, like a cruel melody stuck on a loop,
each repetition heavier than the last.
I grip the steering wheel tighter, knuckles turning white, but it does nothing to steady the trembling in my hands.
–
It’s been thirty minutes thirty long, suffocating minutes – and I’m still here, parked in the same spot, unable to step out of my car.
I barely slept a wink last night. I thought tears would help but they just made it even worse because I woke up with a pounding head.
As I sit here, my chest feels too small for the ache inside it, like I’m trying to swallow a scream that refuses to come out. The air
feels too thick, the car too quiet — the only sound is my uneven breathing, breaking the silence in shaky gasps.
It’s at this point when I miss my mother. I wish she was still alive so I could tell her everything while she hugged all the pain
away. But even that is a dream too far–fetched.
Did someone curse happiness from my life?
I have no one I can rely on. My aunt and uncle only see a bank in me and my cousins are even worse. My parents were the most
kind and brought people together but I guess they only showed up because of what they could get from them because ever since
they died, no one has ever reached out.
Even when I was getting married. Only my Uncle and Aunt showed up and all they kept saying was how much I needed to be
sending them every week now that I was married to the richest family.
Tears I’ve been holding back begin to fall and I feel so alone. So broken and so lost.
Should I get therapy?
Would that help me feel better?
Because right now I feel like I’m losing my mind and I want to be a better person so I can serve my patients well.
I blink, but the tears burn at the corners of my eyes, blurring the dashboard into a mess of colors. I bite the inside of my cheek,
hard, hoping the sting will pull me out of this abyss but all it does is add another layer to the pain.
An hour.
I have an exam in an hour.
I should be focusing running through questions, definitions, anything – but all I can think about is him. His voice. That cold
A hand or a messed mind
way he looked at me. The way he said it, with a disgusted look like I was a mistake not even worth remembering.
Forgettable.
Is that really what I am?
What do you do when no matter what you
do you never fit in?
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