203 Atoning The Past
(Jayden)
I move closer to Ashlyn’s bed. I’m not here to wallow in self–pity or be overwhelmed by emotions. This is about making sure my child survives. I look at Ashlyn’s pale face, and I feel a surge of determination. I’ll do whatever it takes.
“You’re not going anywhere,” I murmur as I touch her abdomen. “You’ve got a life ahead of you, and I’m. going to make damn sure you get to live it. Your mom wants you to live, so that’s what you’re going to do. Live.”
The door opens again.
I straighten up and look. A suited man has his head in the doorway. “My Brennan. Can we talk? I’m Detective Harris. I’m investigating what has happened at the facility today.”
“Yes, of course.” I walk out to the corridor with him. “So, you’re investigating Ashlyn Carter’s,
He turns to me, sizing me up. “I am.”
“Is this internal or external?”
“External. Why?”
“I don’t want any cover ups.”
“Do you think the facility needs to cover up anything?”
“I don’t know, maybe. But that’s your job to find out, isn’t it.”
“Yes. Do you mind answering some questions?”
“No problem but I’d prefer to have my lawyer present.”
“I see. That seems a little paranoid.”
I shrug. “I don’t believe for a second that this was an accident.”
His eyes narrow slightly. “Right now, we’re gathering evidence.”
fall?
“Right now, I need to be with Ashlyn, with the baby. Can we book a time with my lawyer at my home office tomorrow?”
“I’m a very busy man, Mr. Brennan.
“Listen to me,” I say, leaning in slightly, my voice low and intense. “Ashlyn wouldn’t do this on purpose. Not with the baby.”
“From what I’ve learned already, she was a very unstable person.
“She was but she wanted this baby to live over everything.”
“We’ll investigate,” he promises, his tone professional. I’ll call you tomorrow with a time, but can you come to my office?”
“Yes.”
203 Atoning The Past
+25 BONUS
“Very good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
As I step back into Ashlyn’s room, everything hits me. I’m angry–no, I’m fucking furious- that I ever let
my
ny so–called mother cloud my judgment. If she has done this to Ashlyn, to my baby….
“Hey, Ashlyn,” I start, my voice low, almost hesitant. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I need to say some things. Things I should’ve said a long time ago.”
I glance down at her hand, the one I once held with such certainty, and reach out, covering it with mine. It feels cold, lifeless, and it only makes the words harder to form, but I push through.
“I should’ve been more sensitive to your feelings. I should’ve seen what was happening with my mother, with Judy. But I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to see that she was manipulating us, that she was using you to control me.”
I take a deep breath as the words begin to pour out from deep inside me.
“I wanted to believe that I could please her, that I could be the son she wanted me to be. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. I realize now, I never wanted to be that son. I’d broken away from her and she couldn’t handle that.”
My voice cracks, but I don’t stop. I can’t stop. “I loved you, Ashlyn. I did. But then…. then I saw Winona’s photo online, and everything changed.”
I grip her hand, hoping that somehow that will help her hear what I need to say.
“My love for her. it came back so strong, like a wave crashing over me, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I started remembering things, moments, feelings, and it confused the hell out of me.”
I pause, hoping for any sign that she can hear me, that she understands.
“I wanted to keep loving you, to make it work, but I had to be honest with myself. I couldn’t change what I felt for Winona. It was always there, deep down, and it just got too much for me to ignore.”
“I’m sorry, Ashlyn,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. I’m sorry for the part I played in all the crap that’s happened over the years. I should’ve been better, for you, for us. But most of all, I’m sorry this is where we’ve ended up. You don’t deserve this, and neither does our baby.”
I swallow hard, forcing down the lump in my throat. “Thank you for wanting our baby to live, despite everything. I know you could’ve made different choices, but you didn’t.”
My ragged breath barely contains my emotions. “I promise you, I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure this baby lives. This baby will know you, Ashlyn.”
I feel my cheeks are wet and I realize it’s tears.
“If this baby lives, they will know their mother loved them so much they would sacrifice their right to be a mother to them so they could have the best life possible. I owe you that much.”
I wipe my face with one hand, still holding her hand with the, my eyes locked on her face. “I just wish…
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