242 Ghosts
(Winona)
+25 BONUS
The day after the gala has been all about family, just the way it should be. Jayden and I spent the morning with Abby, Bobby, and Sarah, playing in the park and eating ice cream.
The joy on their faces brought a kind of peace that we’ve both needed after everything that’s been happening.
Now, as the sun dips lower in the sky, we’re in the neonatal ward, sitting beside baby Henry, watching as the nursing staff tries him on a bottle feed.
It’s always nerve–wracking, watching these tiny milestones. Every time he does something new, I feel like I’m holding my breath. Today is no different.
Jayden’s standing next to me, his hands clenched tightly around the edge of the crib as he watches Henry struggle to figure out how to suck and breathe at the same time.
“Come on, little buddy. Take a drink.”
Henry’s so small, his little body looking even more fragile with the bottle at his lips. The nurse guides carefully, her eyes trained on him, ready to pull it away at the first sign of trouble.
I can feel the tension rolling off Jayden in waves. He hasn’t said much since we got here, but I can see the fear in his eyes. I know because I’m feeling the exact same way.
Henry chokes.
The bottle slips, and his tiny face scrunches up, his breaths turning ragged. My heart stops. The nurse pulls the bottle away immediately, but it’s too late.
Henry’s in distress, his little body writhing as he struggles for air.
Jayden’s voice is urgent. “Come on, buddy, breathe. Please, breathe.”
The nurse is working quickly, repositioning Henry, but the serious look on their faces tells the full story. Please, stay back. We need room,” she says to Jayden
I reach for Jayden’s hand, trying to calm him, but he’s not even aware of me. His focus is entirely on Henry, and for a moment, I see the absolute terror in his eyes.
“Please, Ashlyn,” he says, his voice breaking. “Help him Help him breathe. Wherever you are… please…”
It’s like a punch to my chest, hearing him say her name Ashlyn. He’s pleading to her for support. Not me, not the nurses. Her. I freeze, my hand still on his arm. I don’t know what to think.
It feels like he’s reaching out to her, and I can’t help but feel a wave of hurt wash over me.
I get it, though. Ashlyn was Henry’s mother. Maybe it makes sense in some twisted way, but it’s still jarring. He should be leaning on me, not calling out to someone who’s gone. Someone he’s not supposed to love anymore.
The nurse finally gets Henry settled, and his breathing steadies. Relief floods through me, and I can see Jayden exhale, his shoulders slumping. He looks like he’s just run a marathon. He spins around and gives
+25 BONUS
242 Ghosts
me a hug and kiss. “Thank God, Winona.”
“I know. That was so scary.”
Jayden almost breaks me in half with his hug. Then he lets go. “He can just stop giving us a heart attack like that.”
“That is for sure.” This sure brings back just how fragile Henry still is despite his milestones lately.
“Will he be okay? Why did that just happen?” Jayden asks the nurses.
“Most likely he’s not quite developed enough yet. Sucking and swallowing is something they practice in the womb with the amniotic fluid. Then they just need to add breathing to the mix outside of the womb.”
“I see. So, he will be able to do this eventually?”
“We’ll give him another week,” the nurse says, her voice calm but firm. “He’s not quite ready yet, but that’s okay. He’s making progress. We’ll try again.”
Jayden nods, but I can see the emotional toll it’s taken on him. I want to ask him why he called out to Ashlyn, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Not here. Not now.
I’m overreacting. I need to stop.
Later that night, we’re in bed. Jayden’s already fallen asleep, his breathing steady and deep beside me. I’m exhausted too, but my mind won’t shut off.
I keep replaying the moment in the hospital when he begged Ashlyn to help.
It’s stuck in my head, and I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something more going on with him. Something I’m not seeing. I remember the sequence to follow that Barnaby gave me to help me drift off
to sleep.
I close my eyes, letting myself drift off, thinking of relaxing things that are happy thoughts. Relaxing more with each outward breath. At last, I feel I’m there, ready to doze off.
I’m caught in that hazy space between sleep and wakefulness. The room is quiet, I hear Jayden breathing but I’m not really awake. I hear Jayden moan softly beside me.
It’s barely audible, but it pulls me back from the edge of sleep.
I
242 Ghosts
(Winona)
+25 BONUS
The day after the gala has been all about family, just the way it should be. Jayden and I spent the morning with Abby, Bobby, and Sarah, playing in the park and eating ice cream.
The joy on their faces brought a kind of peace that we’ve both needed after everything that’s been happening.
Now, as the sun dips lower in the sky, we’re in the neonatal ward, sitting beside baby Henry, watching as the nursing staff tries him on a bottle feed.
It’s always nerve–wracking, watching these tiny milestones. Every time he does something new, I feel like I’m holding my breath. Today is no different.
Jayden’s standing next to me, his hands clenched tightly around the edge of the crib as he watches Henry struggle to figure out how to suck and breathe at the same time.
“Come on, little buddy. Take a drink.”
Henry’s so small, his little body looking even more fragile with the bottle at his lips. The nurse guides carefully, her eyes trained on him, ready to pull it away at the first sign of trouble.
I can feel the tension rolling off Jayden in waves. He hasn’t said much since we got here, but I can see the fear in his eyes. I know because I’m feeling the exact same way.
Henry chokes.
The bottle slips, and his tiny face scrunches up, his breaths turning ragged. My heart stops. The nurse pulls the bottle away immediately, but it’s too late.
Henry’s in distress, his little body writhing as he struggles for air.
Jayden’s voice is urgent. “Come on, buddy, breathe. Please, breathe.”
The nurse is working quickly, repositioning Henry, but the serious look on their faces tells the full story. Please, stay back. We need room,” she says to Jayden
I reach for Jayden’s hand, trying to calm him, but he’s not even aware of me. His focus is entirely on Henry, and for a moment, I see the absolute terror in his eyes.
“Please, Ashlyn,” he says, his voice breaking. “Help him Help him breathe. Wherever you are… please…”
It’s like a punch to my chest, hearing him say her name Ashlyn. He’s pleading to her for support. Not me, not the nurses. Her. I freeze, my hand still on his arm. I don’t know what to think.
It feels like he’s reaching out to her, and I can’t help but feel a wave of hurt wash over me.
I get it, though. Ashlyn was Henry’s mother. Maybe it makes sense in some twisted way, but it’s still jarring. He should be leaning on me, not calling out to someone who’s gone. Someone he’s not supposed to love anymore.
The nurse finally gets Henry settled, and his breathing steadies. Relief floods through me, and I can see Jayden exhale, his shoulders slumping. He looks like he’s just run a marathon. He spins around and gives
+25 BONUS
242 Ghosts
me a hug and kiss. “Thank God, Winona.”
“I know. That was so scary.”
Jayden almost breaks me in half with his hug. Then he lets go. “He can just stop giving us a heart attack like that.”
“That is for sure.” This sure brings back just how fragile Henry still is despite his milestones lately.
“Will he be okay? Why did that just happen?” Jayden asks the nurses.
“Most likely he’s not quite developed enough yet. Sucking and swallowing is something they practice in the womb with the amniotic fluid. Then they just need to add breathing to the mix outside of the womb.”
“I see. So, he will be able to do this eventually?”
“We’ll give him another week,” the nurse says, her voice calm but firm. “He’s not quite ready yet, but that’s okay. He’s making progress. We’ll try again.”
Jayden nods, but I can see the emotional toll it’s taken on him. I want to ask him why he called out to Ashlyn, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Not here. Not now.
I’m overreacting. I need to stop.
Later that night, we’re in bed. Jayden’s already fallen asleep, his breathing steady and deep beside me. I’m exhausted too, but my mind won’t shut off.
I keep replaying the moment in the hospital when he begged Ashlyn to help.
It’s stuck in my head, and I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something more going on with him. Something I’m not seeing. I remember the sequence to follow that Barnaby gave me to help me drift off
to sleep.
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