368 As Soon As Possible
(Winona)
I walk back to the main house. The kids are in lessons now, but I have to go check out schools this afternoon. Sure, check out schools I may never need. I could be a single mom back in the USA anytime
soon.
I need to get a pregnancy test while I’m out and keep that hidden.
This is so ridiculous. I’m not pregnant. I can’t get pregnant.
I practiced safe sex on hall pass week. Now I wish I’d never insisted on hall pass week. What a crazy–ass idea. But I did do it safely. There were condoms.
But condoms break. Condoms slip. And everything got out of control fast. It was chaotic, messy, and in the back of my mind, I know there’s always a chance these things fail. That’s just the ugly truth.
Maybe I can’t remember every detail now, but surely I insisted on double checking at the time
But still… the odds are in my favor, aren’t they? It has to be Jayden’s. We’ve been together so much. recently, and it would make sense that if I was pregnant, it would be his baby. It has to be. Right?
My heart stutters, because no matter how much I cling to that hope, there’s a voice in the back of my mind whispering, reminding me of the other possibilities. Phillip… Lance…
Two nights. Two heated nights, I’m not sure how to classify, except that I was drunk and being wild and free. One night with Phillip, my business partner, the man who once tried to destroy me but later became someone I could rely on.
But also someone I was attracted to too and he felt familiar and safe at the time.
Then Lance… Jayden’s best friend since childhood. The guy who always flirted with me but never crossed the line until that night. A line I let him cross because, well…better the devil you know, right?
I did the craziest things with Lance. There wasn’t just him that night. I tried most things. Not another man in that way, but there was another man present, and women,
But Lance was the only one who went there completely with me. That I am sure of. But I certainly tested all the waters that night. But Lance had condoms. But Lance is Lance.
He knows I can’t get pregnant, was he as careful in the throes of passion?
I don’t know.
on’t know w
And now, I don’t know what to think.
My mind runs through the worst–case scenarios. What if it’s not Jayden’s? How do I even begin to tell him? What would I say? He’d lose it. His jealousy over Phillip has always been intense.
I can already see it in my mind–Jayden’s rage, the look of betrayal in his eyes.
And Lance, well that betrayal would simply break his heart. His best friend through everything. I think he’d much prefer a stranger.
But even worse than that… Do I tell Phillip? Do I tell Lance? Do I ask them if they remember those nights,
368 As Soon As Possible
+25 BONUS
if the protection held up, if they have any doubts? And what if they don’t remember either? If I am pregnant, will they ask me about it? Would they ask if I know? Will they want proof?
How do I explain this to the kids If Jayden and I don’t survive this?
I groan, pressing my hands to my face. This is a nightmare. An absolute, inescapable nightmare. The kind of situation I never thought I’d find myself in.
Okay, Winona, just breathe.
As Lisa said, think logically. Find out if there is a pregnancy and if not all of this goes away.
If there is a pregnancy?
What do I do? Do I confess to Jayden if it’s positive? Do I pretend nothing happened? Should I just get a paternity test and then worry? Perhaps that’s best. Keep all of this from Jayden unless I have to tell him. He has enough on his plate right now.
No. That’s not who I am. I can’t be that hypocrite. I’ve always faced the truth, no matter how painful. won’t hide from this, but I need to know for sure before I say anything to anyone.
I can’t drop a bomb on Jayden’s world unless I’m absolutely certain.
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