378 Result!
(Winona)
I stare at the test, my whole world narrowed down to that tiny, plastic window
what it
I’ve always been sure this would be negative. There’s no need to feel disappointed or upset. It i is. The chances of me actually being pregnant, after already having one impossible pregnancy, is a drop in
the ocean.
Negative is what I knew would happen. Negative is exactly what I need. So much less complicated. I stare inside that plastic window and there’s no mistaking the result.
Two lines.
Bold.
Clear.
Positive.
The room falls away. All the air leaves my lungs. I clutch my chest and try to suck oxygen in, but I can’t
breathe.
I’m pregnant.
I press my other hand to my stomach, half–expecting to feel something–a heartbeat, a flutter, any sign that this is real. But, of course, it’s just me and the stillness of my own pulse, thudding beneath my palm.
My racing pulse fills my ears. My heart is thumping. This is really impossible. My chest is about to cave in, I swear.
The air suddenly sucks into my lungs, and I jump up and pull up my underwear and jeans. My fingers can
hands. barely work the zipper and button. I wash my
Surely y this i
is a mistake. I wish I bought more than one test now. I cannot be pregnant. But these tests are
very accurate.
I need a blood test. But how do I do that privately? Judy might be at every turn, with eyes and ears, watching and waiting.
Just me going into a medical center or doctor’s surgery is going to make her want to know why. She knew with Abby, that old woman here knew, how do I know Judy won’t work it out?
Oh. My. God. I’m pregnant?
For a moment, joy surges through me, bright and uncontainable. A new life, a miracle I never thought possible.
Despite everything I’ve convinced myself of, the walls I’ve built up, I can’t help but feel the warmth of hope, the thrill of something incredible blooming inside me.
But then, as quickly as it came, the joy is pushed back by a wave of fear. I sink down onto the edge of the tub, my hand still resting over my stomach.
I know how unlikely it is for me to carry another pregnancy to term, I know I’ll miscarry. I know that will
+25 BONUS
378 Resulti
break my heart.
“Don’t get your hopes up.” I murmur to myself, my voice shaky.
But it’s too late for that, isn’t it? I can feel the swell of love for this little life, the fierce, protective instinct that kicks in before I even fully understand it. And with It comes the terror of losing something ! automatically care about so deeply.
I clutch the test, fingers trembling. How am I going to tell Jayden? His words from our phone call echo in my mind.
No matter what.
Those words ground me, give me a thread of strength to cling to.
But I also know him well enough to know hall pass week details will test him. But me carrying another man’s baby? That cannot ever be something I’d expect him to tolerate. Let alone who those other men
are.
My chest tightens as I imagine his reaction. He’s told me over and over that he trusts me, that nothing from that week matters now. But if I’ve fallen pregnant in that week, will that trust hold?
I can’t even expect it to. That’s asking too much. Even if he did say he still loved and wanted me, I’d never really be sure. How can anyone do that for real?
I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. There’s no going back now. This is my reality, and whatever questions he has, whatever fears might come up, I’ll face them.
Because this baby deserves to be known, deserves a mother who will fight for them no matter what. Above all, it’s my baby.
A new wave of emotion hits me–a fierce determination that surprises me.
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