380 A Tiny Dream of Hope
(Winona)
Henry’s soft whimpers stir me from my thoughts, anchoring me back to the present. The kids will be almost finished with their chores.
I cross the room to his crib, our walk–in wardrobe converted into a makeshift nursery, and lean over to scoop him up. waving aimlessly in the air.
His little face scrunches, his Darely opening as he lets out a sleepy cry, his tiny fists
“Hey, sweet boy,” I murmur, pressing a kiss to his forehead as I cradle him close. His soft baby scent fills me, warm and comforting. I hold him tighter, feeling a surge of emotion rise inside me.
Despite everything Henry’s been through, he‘
here, healthy and full of life, and I still find myself amazed by the strength this tiny boy has shown. Delivered by Caesarian at 25 weeks, he spent those first days so fragile, connected to machines and tubes.
Maybe that’s all I need, to get to that point in the gestation. But even that is a pipe dream. But I wonder how far along I am already?
kiss Henry on the cheek. He’s fought to make it through each day. It’s a miracle he’s made it this far, à gift I never stop being grateful for. Despite all the unhinged things Ashlyn did to me, I thank her for her final gift.
Before the end came, she wanted the best for her baby
She even asked me to adopt him before she went off that facility roof. I don’t believe that was an accident. It just smacks of Judy’s interference. Jayden cut Judy off to protect us all.
There are days here when I could believe that has really happened.
But in reality I know thinking she’s not in our lives would be a fool’s game to play.
I settle Henry on the changing table, unwrapping him from his blanket as he wriggles and squirms. His sleepy eyes blink up at me, he gives me a smile and I feel a rush of love, so strong it’s almost overwhelming.
I never imagined I’d be so lucky as to be his mom, to share this life with Jayden and watch him grow. He may not have grown inside me but he’s every bit as lodged in my heart as Abby.
That goes for Bobby and Sarah too. All my kids. Everyone of them I’ll protect with everything I have.
“Let’s get you cleaned up, hmm?” I whisper, unfastening his diaper with gentle hands.
Tlet him have a kick around for a minute after I’ve wiped and powdered him.
I think about what it would be like to grow another baby inside me, to feel those tiny kicks. Just the thought makes my heart race with equal parts excitement and terror.
I should not get any expectations.
Another baby seems impossible. But then, isn’t Henry proof that miracles can happen?
“Look at you, Henry,” I whisper, smoothing a hand over his soft hair. “Our little fighter”
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380 A Tiny Dream of Hope
I finish changing him and lift him back into my arms, cuddling him close. There’s so much I want to tell him, so much love I want to give, not just to him, but to the life growing inside me.
If this pregnancy really is possible. But with the reality of my condition, I know carrying to term is a risk, one that could bring both heartbreak and loss on a much grander scale.
To lose the baby early is one thing, but if I was to get so far along I’d have to deliver a baby I’d never see grow, that would be devastating.
I tuck Henry into his pram, adjusting the blanket to keep him snug, and we make our way out to find the other kids.
They’re finishing up their chores, Bobby and Sarah carefully tidying up the kitchen after prepping vegetables for dinner.
I can’t help but smile at their hard work, their faces lighting up when they see me.
“Hey, guys,” I call out as they spot me.
They look up, beaming, proud of the job they’ve done. “We’re all finished, Mom!” Sarah says, giving me a grin as she puts away the last dish.
“You did a fantastic job. Where’s Abby?”
“Abby has gone to pick up toys in her room,” Bobby explains. “She peeled the carrots and took the peelings to the compost first.”
“Well, you three have earned some time at the cottage swings for sure.”
“I’ll go get Abby,” Bobby offers.
“Thanks Bobby, I’m excited to see some paint go on the walls. I think we can move in when Dad gets back from London. At least make a start.”
“It will be so cool.” He heads off to find Abby.
My mind goes to calling Viktor as we all head down the pathway to the cottage.
As the kids skip ahead toward the path down to the swings, I pull out my phone and scroll through to Viktor’s number. If there’s anyone I can rely on for privacy and discretion, it’s him. My pulse races as I press the call button.
I look around to see there’s no one in sight.
The call connects. “Hello.”
“Hi, Please don’t tell Jayden I called, alright?”
There’s a brief pause, and he replies smoothly, “Understood.”
“Can you talk?”
“Yes. Go ahead.”
I take a deep breath, choosing my words carefully. “I need… guidance. Discreetly. Would you know of a trusted doctor or… somewhere for private blood testing?”
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