Don't Poke the Luna (Xena and Ryder) novel Chapter 143

Chapter 143

I wanted to ask how he could be so calm, but didn’t know how to phrase it. “You can feel every emotion I have,” I said, my tone more bitter than I intended.

“Yes, but I’d like you to explain and tell me what you want,” his tone was gentle, almost pleading. It made me even more uneasy.

“Well, Dr. Nash…” I said sarcastically. I knew it was childish, but I wanted to hurt him right now, wanted him to feel my pain.

“Don’t fucking do that,” Ryder’s eyes bored into mine. I knew he hated when I used sarcasm with him, but there wasn’t much consideration for others‘ feelings inside me right now. Guilt pricked at me, but I pushed it down.

“What the fuck do you want me to say?” My anger flared again.

The whiskey was starting to warm my blood, loosening something inside me that had been wound too tight. I stared at him, my chest heaving with barely contained emotion. His green eyes remained steady, watching me like I was some wild animal he was trying not to startle.

“I want you to tell me what’s going on in your head,” he said finally. Because all I can feel is your anger and confusion, but I don’t know why.”

I laughed bitterly. “You don’t know why? After what happened today?”

“I know Martha being there upset you-”

“It’s not just Martha!” I interrupted, slamming my glass down. “It’s everything! It’s my father showing up unannounced. It’s you letting people make decisions about my life without consulting me. It’s Samuel being dead. It’s Helen trying to seduce you. It’s my shop being destroyed. It’s the fact that my entire life has changed in a matter of days, and I haven’t had a single moment to process any of it!”

My voice had risen to a shout by the end, and I was on my feet again pacing in front of the couch. My hands shook as I ran them through my hair, pulling slightly at the roots.

“I feel like I’m drowning,” I admitted, my voice suddenly quiet. “And everyone expects me to just… adapt. To be this perfect Luna. Ta make the right decisions. To know exactly what I want. But I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.”

Ryder stood slowly and approached me like I might bolt. “Come here he said softly.

“No,” I backed away. “I don’t want comfort right now. I just want… space. Time. Something that feels like it’s mine.”

“Everything I have is yours,” he said, spreading his hands. “This room, this house, this pack-”

“But that’s just it!” I cried. “None of it is actually mine! It’s all yours that you’re letting me borrow. I went from being under my father’s thumb to being under yours. I had a life, Ryder. I had plans. had dreams that didn’t include being someone’s Luna.”

The hurt that flashed across his face made me regret my words instantly, but I couldn’t take them back. The truth was messy and painful, but it was honest.