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“Oh my god,” I mutter, my mouth full of crab cake, my eyes almost rolling back into my head with how delicious it is.
“This is…seriously, how do they get such good seafood up in the mountains? This tastes like it was
caught this morning!”
“I think it was,” Ivan replies, equally intent on a lobster tail. “I think they’ve got a guy whose whole job is to drive up from the shore in the mornings with the freshest catch. Then he goes back at night.”
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“A lot of lonely hours on the road,” I murmur, nodding seriously, “but he’s doing God’s work.”
I take a final bite and then, groaning, lean on the backrest of the queen–sized lounge positioned on my father’s third–floor deck, looking out over the scenery. We’re eating al fresco tonight and the view is…amazing. Just treetops and mountain peaks as far as the
eye can see.
As much as I resent my father
my cheek still carries the phantom sting of his slap – I have
to admit…his taste in vacation
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property is flawless.
Ivan leans back next to me on the lounge, our shoulders brushing. He holds out a beer to me, fresh from the cooler at his side. Smiling, I take it, twisting off the top and taking a swig.
“So,” I say, leaning into Ivan and giving him a little nudge with my shoulder. “What do we do now?”
Ivan pauses and then turns his head slowly to me, his eyebrow suggestively raised, and I swat at him, cackling with laughter.
“Seriously a couple of crab cakes
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and you think you’re going to get me in bed!?”
“Crab cakes!” he insists, laughing with me, “and a multi–million- dollar property!”
“Which is more mine than yours!”
“Details,” Ivan mutters, flicking a hand to dismiss my point as he brings his beer bottle to his lips, “semantics. Not important.”
“It is pretty here, though,” I sigh, my laughter fading to a happy hum in my chest. “Thank you for
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bringing me.”
We sit there for a long time, chatting about nothing, as the sun fades over the horizon and stars
take the sky. I smile when I see a few early fireflies flitting their way through the treetops, the swoop of bats and owls as they start their nighttime prowl. I shiver, a little, as the evening grows colder, and Ivan wraps a warm arm around
I lean into him and then feel a
twist of discomfort in my stomach when I remember…well, that
someone else was keening me
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warm with their body heat just a couple of hours ago.
God, I wonder suddenly, am I a slut?
My mind starts to race, my body going tense as I consider the fact that I’m letting Ivan hold me on the deck of my father’s house when only a few hours ago, his enemy – my boss, and maybe… my boyfriend?
was…
God. Maybe I am a slut.
Is it a bad thing to be a slut? I
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wonder frantically. Should I be sitting here, slut–shaming myself,
or should I like Janeen says – just give in to the impulses of my body and not bother with puritanical questions of shame –
“Are you all right, Fay?” Ivan asks gently.
I blink back to myself and realize that I’m panicked a little bit – breathing harder than I should be when I’m just relaxing on a deck drinking a beer. My body is tense against Ivan’s. No wonder he noticed how could he not?
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“I’m okay,” I reply after a moment, deliberately making my muscles unwind. I give Ivan a wan little smile.
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