Fifty Shades Darker (book 5) novel Chapter 111

She’s slaying my demons.

My brave girl.

My beautiful brave girl.

My face is wet. My vision is blurred. But I feel my way to her and pull her into my arms, my hands in her hair. I turn her face up to mine and claim her lips. Feeling her. Consuming her. Needing her. “Oh, Ana,” I whisper in veneration as I worship her mouth. I pull her down onto the floor and she cups my face and I don’t know if the wet is from her tears or mine.

“Christian, please don’t cry. I meant it when I said I’d never leave you. I did. If I gave you any other impression, I’m so sorry. Please, please forgive me. I love you. I will always love you.”

I look down at her, trying to accept what she’s just said.

She says she loves me, that she will always love me.

But she doesn’t know me.

She doesn’t know the monster.

The monster is not worthy of her love.

“What is it?” she says. “What is this secret that makes you think I’ll run for the hills? That makes you so determined to believe I’ll go? Tell me, Christian, please?”

She has a right to know. As long as we are together, this will always be an obstacle between us. She deserves the truth. Against my better judgment, I have to tell her.

I sit up and cross my legs and she sits up, too, staring at me. Her eyes are round and fearful, reflecting my feelings exactly.

“Ana.” I pause and take a deep breath.

Tell her, Grey.

Get it out. Then you’ll know.

“I’m a sadist, Ana. I like to whip little brown-haired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore—my birth mother. I’m sure you can guess why.” The words tumble out of my mouth in a rush like they’ve been ready and waiting for days.

She remains impassive. Still. Quiet.

Please, Ana.

Finally, she speaks, and her voice is a frail whisper. “You said you weren’t a sadist.”

“No, I said I was a Dominant. If I lied to you, it was a lie of omission. I’m sorry.” I can’t look at her. I’m ashamed. I stare down at my fingers. Like she does. But she remains mute, so I’m forced to look at her. “When you asked me that question, I had envisioned a very different relationship between us,” I add.

It’s the truth.