Flashbacks novel Chapter 7

The car ride was extremely long. I ended up falling asleep for half of it and for the other half I just looked out the window. Noah and I didn’t make much conversation since we were both exhausted - or, well, drained, I guess,

I felt bad because he was going to be my bodyguard, which I guess is a lot of work. I can probably move out soon though, in a couple weeks. That way I won’t be a burden to anyone anymore and things can go back to how they normally are.

Although this is a chance for me to get to know my father and half-siblings, I’m a bit afraid. For one, I’m jealous because my half-siblings actually grew up with a father. But also I don’t want to intrude and burden my father, making him feel as though he has to help me out or else.

Honestly, it’s a privilege to grow up with both parents. But you can’t keep wishing for something you can’t - and won’t - get.

The car suddenly stopped and I looked out the window to see we had arrived at our destination, which happened to be a big, beautiful house. From the appearance of the outside of the house, I know my father and his family are living their luxurious lives, however, even though they have a lot of money, that doesn’t mean they have the perfect family. Perhaps their family is also broken and…

Maybe not.

Right as I was about to get out of the car, Noah grabbed my arm and said, “Just to be clear, you are now my responsibility. Anything you need I will get, okay? And get used to living here. Don’t do anything that’ll get you and/or your father in trouble.”

Before I could reply, he opened the car door and left, leaving me flushed and angry. I felt like a child. So humiliated, and for what? I didn’t even want to live or come here. I can and will show them all that I don’t need anybody.

I got out of the car and followed Noah into the house. If I knew what was waiting for me behind the door, I would’ve stayed in the hospital no matter what. The interior of the house was even prettier than the outside, shockingly. The house has a beautiful brown and white color theme to it. There was a big mirror on the wall as soon as you walked into the house. Everything just looked amazing and…expensive.

“I see you are loving the view,” a female voice said. I turned around to see who I assumed to be my dad’s wife. She was a petite woman with black wavy hair and light but slightly tan skin. Her eyes were a plain brown color and her face was littered with freckles. She was wearing a tight navy blue dress that looked more expensive than my rent. Her english was also a bit broken so I assumed she was forgein.

To make things worse, she looked happy. She looked relaxed, and so carefree. I was undeniably jealous of her. But instead of voicing my thoughts or anything, I simply smiled politely at her.

“You have a beautiful home,” I said.

“Thank you, sweetheart. Allow me to take you away from Noah and show you to your room.” She grabbed my hand and led me away. Quite frankly, I felt uncomfortable with her touching me, but I didn’t want to tell her that and seem rude, so I allowed her to drag me away.

She began giving me a tour of the house, showing me where everything was. She even showed me my siblings’ rooms, which were amazing looking and it hurt. Even the hallways had family pictures and it all felt like a punch to the stomach. I was never privileged enough to be able to take a picture with my two parents.

Sigh. I need to stop being negative and look on the bright side. I can leave soon, hopefully, then I won’t have to worry about them or anything.

“Oh, so you want to know things that you would know if you did your job and, I don’t know, acted like my father? Besides, what do you possibly want to know? I mean, I didn’t grow up with a luxurious life, two parents, and get an amazing education. Do you maybe want to know about how I was sexually assaulted? Or how cutting myself is how I manage to cope with my emotions? Or perhaps how I got kicked out because I said I was raped? When I had to fuck men just so I could afford living an okay life because I couldn’t hold a proper job because of my background? Maybe how I had my first boyfriend and my dad wasn’t there to help me with my first heartbreak?

“Seriously, what the hell do you want to know? There’s really not much that actually concerns you. How did you possibly think that my mom was not pregnant? Are you really delusional?”

I didn’t know I was ranting until I paused to take a deep breath in. Everything hurt. My chest had this growing pain that made me want to burst out crying even though there was no one there to hold me or tell me it would all be okay.

I looked at him and noticed how he looked hurt, guilty, and also rejected. Part of me felt glad he was feeling those emotions. He deserved to feel them. He deserved to feel all the pain I had to endure my whole life. But before he had a chance to say anything, his wife walked into the living room with his kids.

They all ran to my father who welcomed them with open arms and hugged each and every one of them. I felt as though I was suffocating. I couldn’t breath or think. All I knew was that I had to leave the room - no, the house. The wife was trying to say something to me but I just shook my head and ran out of the house.

I knew it was going to hurt me. I knew seeing them all together, being a happy and close family, was going to hurt me.

I should’ve just ended my life when I had the chance.