Hatred With Benefits novel Chapter 63

EMERSON.

"Eva!" I call, attempting to rush after her as I watch her walk through the door, but a sudden grip on my wrist stops me and I turn around to see Paige; irritation flowing through me at the sight of her and the shit she just pulled.

"Emerson—" she starts with a shaking voice, and I jerk her hold from my wrist, glaring at her as I speak, "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why the fuck did you do that?"

"I–" she starts with a hiccup. "I'm sorry. I just– I didn't know what to do. I was there and you were here, and I needed you. I needed you to–"

"You needed me and I was fucking here! I was here, Paige. I was doing all I could to be the comfort you needed and you thought it was okay to cross the line?" I raise a brow, my breath coming out in heavy pants and she shakes her head as she attempts to step closer, but one glare from me to her leg movement stops it.

She swallows before she opens her mouth, "It wasn't enough, Emerson. It was never going to be enough. I needed more. I needed my skin against yours for me to stop thinking about it. "

"You're insane. You're fucking crazy. " I tell her, turning away from her.

"She said to not follow. You shouldn't go after her. " Paige says behind me and I turn to her with an angered mind, "You don't tell me what the fuck I am to do. "

"I'm not. " She's quick to say, taking several gulps. "I'm not. Just, please. I don't know what to do, Emery. "

"Don't you dare fucking call me that. " I raise a warning finger at her, and she hiccups again, the sight enraging every single time it happens.

I bury my fingers in my hair and turn away from her, the image of Eva standing by that door with bewildered eyes crossing my mind.

"I should have never let you in. I shouldn't have fallen for your tears and my need to want to be there. I trusted you, Paige. I fucking trusted you!"

"It's not my fault. " She dares to say and I look back at her, a scoff falling from my mouth. "Not your fault?" I take a step closer. "Not your fault?! My woman was fucking here and she saw everything she was afraid of and you dare to stand there, and tell me it's not your fault?"

She nods. "Yes, Emery. It's not my fucking fault! You don't get me addicted to something and expect me to become non-addicted to it just because you say it! Don't you get it? I can't stop! I've tried but I fucking can't. I'll always want you that way because you got me used to it. I fucking crave more no matter how much you tell me to hold back. Shit went down there and the first person I thought to see was you! Because you've always been here! You've always been this close and you can't just do this to me now. She can't just come out of nowhere and steal you from me!"

I lose it at that. Amidst the chaos of my mind, Eva running away from here and Paige standing in front of me with the audacity to sprout nonsense; I lose it. And I don't hold back because I no longer have the control to do that. I step closer and grab her by the collar of her top, and her eyes widen as my grip tightens.

"Emerson–" she calls out, with eyes full of fear and voice following right through, but even the sound and sight of that isn't enough to calm me. All that goes through my mind is Eva, all that chants through my thoughts is how right she had been about Paige and how stupid I had been to have let it come this far. I was so fucking stupid to have thought I could hold onto her, and balance the relationship between me and a girl who wants more than I can give.

"Emerson, what are you doing?" Paige utters as my grip gets tighter, so close to strangling her with her clothing, but I hold back. Making sure she's able to breathe through it, but also enough for her to understand the message I'm passing across.

"You'll leave here, and you'll never show your face before me ever again. Do you understand?" I tell her slowly and she shakes her head furiously, breathing getting heavier as she parts her lips, "No. No, please. You can't do that to me. You can't tell me to leave. I need you, Emerson. "

"Do you remember what I said when I came to your place?" I ask her but she remains silent as she continues to shake her head.

"I told you that I'd be here for you, but the minute you give me a reason to not be is the minute I'll never be again, and you've successfully given me a reason to not be. "

"No, please. I can't survive without you, Emerson. You can't– you can't do that. You can't ask me to leave. You can't walk out of my life like everyone else. You promised to always stay. You said you'll always– you said you'll always be by my side. You can't just leave now after making me believe those words. " Her trembling hands cover mine and she grips them tight.

"You should have thought of that before you do the shit you did! " I snap, dropping my hand from hers and shoving her away from me. She staggers a few steps back, but she manages to catch her feet and she's making her way towards me again.

She opens her mouth, but I beat her to it as I speak. "I told you she'll always come first. I fucking warned you to keep the line that's drawn between what we had and what we have. Had now, because I'm never having anything to do with you after tonight. "

"No!" She repeats the word that's come to be her anthem for tonight. "No, Emerson. Please. " She cries and I watch as she falls to her knees before me, hands sliding around my thighs as she leans her head against it with silent sobs coming from her. "You're the only one I have left. You know it. I'll be miserable without you. You can't do this. Just please. "

When she raises her head to meet my eyes with wet cheeks and shivering lips; what I should see is a girl that's made herself pathetic by being dependent on me, a girl that I should be there for, but all I see is a woman who crossed a line that should never be crossed. A woman who's about to make me lose the only being that matters in my life.

"She's my life, " I tell her as I glance down at her. "She's what I need to be able to breathe probably. Without her, I will be nothing but a lifeless living. She's all I need, Paige and you're about to make me lose that. I'm sorry, but I can't be here for you any longer. You've given me all I need to push away from you, and you need to leave. "

"Emerson, " she calls in a small voice and I turn away from her. "Leave. "

"We can settle this. I'm sorry for kissing you. I'm sorry for making her see that. I'd apologize to her if I need to, but please don't make me do this. Don't make me leave. I won't know where to begin. My life would lose all focus without you by my–"

"Don't try to guilt trip me, Paige. You were living perfectly before I appeared in your life, and you'll learn to do that once again. People lose their loved ones and learn to move on with their lives, and I come nothing close as that person to you. "

"No, no you don't, " she agrees, wrapping her hands tighter around my knees. "Because you mean so much more than that, and you know it, Emerson. Don't make me leave. I'm begging you. Just–" her voice breaks and she hits her head against my knees repeatedly. "Don't. "

The heart that should ache for her at this moment is filled with Eva. The heart that should think about what she went through today is no longer here. That heart only thinks about its owner, and not the pitiful woman that kneels by my feet.

"I'll give you ten seconds to let go of my legs and leave. If you don't, I'll drag you out of here and I assure you Paige; you'll get hurt in the process and I wouldn't give a fuck about that. " I warn her and I mentally count to three seconds before she unwraps her hands from my knees. I don't look back and the sound of her cries with her footsteps echoes across the room.

Several more seconds and she stands in front of me with her bag in hand.

"Emerson–" she starts but I cut her off. "Don't try to. "

"I'll be back. I know you're angry at me right now and you'll listen better when you've calmed. I know you—"

"You don't know me and you don't know what I would do. All you know is a guy who wanted to be there for you as a friend, but I promise you'll know the darker side of me if you don't leave through that door and never step foot before me. " My voice is cold and my words are harsh even to my ears, but I'm unwilling to give a fuck as Paige staggers back as if I had hit her, before she turns around and strides towards the door with small, unsteady steps.

She stops when she meets the doorknob, and my patience wears thin the more seconds that pass without her moving. I open my mouth, but before I can speak; she takes the final step and walk through the door, her frame disappearing out of sight.

I fall back on the couch as I stare across the empty room before I grab my phone, and scroll to her name, my fingers moving across the keypad faster than they've ever before.

DIVA: I know you're mad at me, but please tell me where you are. Come back home to me, and we'll talk this out.

After hitting the send button, I grab my keys from the table and run out of the house, not giving a shit about the fact that she warned me not to follow her. I'll deal with the consequences of not following her warning later if need be, I just yearn to make sure she's fine.

I just need to have her back here.

EVA.

I keep walking, with no idea of which direction I'm heading, but wanting to continue either way.

"Sorry. " I mumble when I bump into a hard surface and I raise my head to see Dan staring at me with furrowed brows.

"Eva. What's wrong?" He asks and I look around, recognizing my surrounding to realize I'm far away from home. I look back to Dan, and my eyes shift to the guys that stand by either side of him– Noel included.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't see you there. " I say and shrug his hands from my shoulders before I take a step back.