Pain.
Pain is feeling your muscles, your mind, your bones burn with an angry flame. Pain is feeling that flame seep it's way deep inside your brain. Pain and agony eats you up slowly from the inside, tearing off flesh after flesh. Experi- encing pain can tumble you downwards into one of the scariest, deepest, darkest holes. You scratch at the walls of pain, your nails digging deep in as you desperately try to climb out and be free. It doesn't work.
I experience pain every single day.
"Next time, do as I tell you! No questions asked!" Trevor hisses in disgust, standing over my petite body. His face is burning red, seething with anger. I push myself as far into the wall as I can, my entire body shaking with fear.
My heart is beating wildly against my chest, the sound of it echoing in my ears.
Whatever you do, don't look him in the eyes Emily. He hates it when I make eye contact with him.
Trevor's hands curl up into a tight fist and I immediately shrink into myself, screaming out as they crash down onto my body.
"Please stop! You don't have to do this!" I yell, pleading with him. My screams of agony fall upon deaf ears so I give up and lie there emotionlessly, letting him torture me like his little rag doll.
*****
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and sigh, hastily wiping the tears away from my eyes. I refuse to cry. . . That's exactly what he wants. He wants me to suffer and I would never give him the satisfaction of knowing I already am.
A big clump of my dark brown, almost black hair is missing, the scalp throbbing painfully where he'd ripped it out. My finger trailed down my cheek, under my eye where the stinging is now turning into a tender blue bruise. It's times like this where I thanked God I have an olive skin tone.
The bruises don't show up as easily.
I bite my bottom lip and let out a small whimper as I attempt to lift my top to see the damage he inflicted. As ex- pected the bruises run up my side but thankfully nothing feels broken.
How sad is it that I can tell the difference between a bruised and broken bone?
"Why did you leave me like this Dad?" I whisper, glancing at the frame on my bedside table. A photograph taken of me as a little girl. . . large brown eyes shining happily as I sat on my fathers shoulders, holding tightly onto his hair. His own eyes mirrored mine, a pearly smile so white and wide. Dad and I were inseparable.
I adored the ground my father walked on. Every time he entered the room, I craved his attention. Mum had taken the picture on my sixth birthday party. I remember that day so well, the way my father smiled at me as he sang 'Happy Birthday'. I remember him clutching the cake in front of him, telling me to make a wish and blow out the candles. He cheered and clapped so loud, it felt like I had my own personal cheerleading squad.
Dad died suddenly the following month leaving his only daughter behind with a shattered heart.
Ten years without the man I love and adore.
I shuffle towards my bed, sitting down on the edge of it. I lift the picture up to my lips, placing a gentle kiss over the glass. It feels cool against my lips and I close my eyes, taking slow breaths. I allow the oxygen to fill my lungs and calm my thoughts.
"Night night, sleep tight my little princess." Dad would say every single night, tucking me up tightly before leaving the room and closing the door over slightly.
He knew I didn't like the dark.
"Night night Daddy," I whisper, clutching the picture frame tightly to my chest.
*****
I walk into college, scanning the crowds for my best friend, Trisha Lockwood. The friendship between Trish and I has always been peculiar to anyone looking in from the outside. I'm relatively quiet whereas Trish is loud and bubbly. My dark hair is the complete opposite to Trish's bright blonde locks. She wears pink skirts with frill tops whereas I prefer to stick with denim jeans and a simple t-shirt. The one thing I regret every day is not telling her about my stepfather.
It's been a secret for so long that I don't know how to tell her anymore. Trish knows I despise my stepfather and mother but doesn't question it often as she knows it's a sensitive subject.
The girl has the ability to make me laugh until my sides hurt . . . cherish the people in your life who can do
that. Even though she's wild at times, I know she has a good heart. We've been friends for years now, first meet- ing each other in primary school. We clicked from the start, she's wild and I'm calm. I tame her behaviour and she inserts some craziness into my life.
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