Hunter Academy: Revenge of the Weakest novel Chapter 426

Chapter 426 97.4 - Breaking Down

I hated how I could just see her silhouette standing right behind Irina with a smile. That was why I couldn't keep it inside. This feeling that I had been keeping to myself they were ready to burst out.

"Do you think I wanted that!" My voice broke through Irina's words, filled with anger and anguish. For the first time, I found myself feeling such emotions. "Do you think that was what I wanted? Do you think I wanted to live like this, huh?!"

Irina took a step back, her eyes wide.

"I never wanted this!" Words spilled from my mouth without control. Maybe they were directed to Irina facing me.

Maybe they were directed to her silhouette.

Or maybe they were directed to somewhere else.

"I never wanted to live in a world where I had to constantly train, constantly fight, constantly detach myself from everything and everyone. Do you think I enjoy this? Do you think this is what I chose?"

My grip on the blade tightened, my knuckles turning white. "I was supposed to be the one who died. It should have been me!"

I never wanted to live in the first place. The life was already hard when we were young. Seeing the face that Mother and Father made when they saw me in contrast to you, seeing how we were trapped in a village and could never get out.

Seeing the disparity of treatments that we received. Such a life. I never wanted to continue doing that.

But you.

Weren't you different? Didn't you want to live to help other people?

I was not like that. I didn't want to live such a life. But for you, I was ready to do everything.

But where are you now?

Somewhere I can't reach?

Then, what is the point of living?

You were the one who was supposed to live.

So don't give me such a look.

"Estelle was the one who deserved to live, not me! She was strong, kind, and everything I wasn't. She was the one who should have had a future, not me!"

My eyes were cold as I continued, my voice cracking with emotion.

"But instead, everything was taken from her. Her life, her dreams, her future. And I was left here with nothing but guilt and pain."

The words that were directed to her.

The resentment that I had built up after all this time.

There was a saying that I once remembered.

'Death is tough for people that are left behind on Earth.'

At that time, I couldn't understand it, as my world was always filled with standing on top. But, seeing her leaving with a smile, I understood.

The pain.

It was just too much.

That was why I couldn't accept it.

'Why? Why did you smile as if you were doing something good? Why did you think I would be happy living such a life when you were not around?'

It was selfish.

It was selfish, unlike her.

For a person who had lived her whole life helping other people, her last moments were uncharacteristically selfish for her own good.

Never thinking about what the person left behind would do. How could they navigate their end?

She just selfishly left this world with a smile.

Without considering how that same smile would haunt me in my every dream.

So please tell me.

How can I not resent this sister of mine who became selfish when it came to me?

How can I not resent her when she is not letting me even now?

How can I not resent her when she is forcing me to face myself and my own actions?

And that is why, with my heart filled with resentment, I wanted to convey what the person who got left behind thought to the one who left.

Even if she was not real, I at least wanted her to know how I felt so that she would feel some guilt for her own actions.

So that she wouldn't do such a thing next time or maybe in some parallel world.

"I don't deserve anything good in this life. I'm not someone who should have happiness or peace. I'm supposed to pay for my weakness and my inability to protect her."

My breaths got rough for a split second, making it a lot harder for me to continue. It was as if the world was telling me to take a break.

Her eyes looking at me were somehow filled with sadness.

Were they Irina's eyes, or were they Estelle's? I wondered. But it didn't matter.

I would convey everything to her so that she would understand.

That stone-headed sister of mine was somehow hard to catch up, you see.

"Do you know what it's like to feel that kind of guilt every day? To wake up every morning knowing that you're the reason someone else is dead? To know that no matter what you do, you can never make up for it?"

As the words spilled from my mouth, I felt a sense of turmoil within me. It was as if the floodgates had opened, and all the emotions I had kept bottled up for so long were finally pouring out. But at the same time, there was a strange sense of relaxation, a release that I had never felt before.