I Am The Luna (Moonlight Muse) novel Chapter 97

19. A Moment of Uncertainty or I Am The Luna Chapter 97 By Moonlight Muse

ZAIA.

I know I should have listened to him, but I truly believed I was doing the right thing. I honestly didn’t think things would end up this bad. The festering thoughts aren’t easing up, and I feel mentally exhausted.

“Go with him. Show Atticus his room. I’ll clean this up. “I tell Valerie gently. She’s shaken by it all, and I know she’s going through a lot. I hope she at least realises she does love him.

Everyone deserves a second chance, right?

She nods and I give her a smile, watching Atticus lift him carefully. “You did amazingly. Now go with him.” I whisper to her.

She’s about to say something, but instead, she simply smiles and nods before she helps Atticus with Jai, supporting his head. She’s got blood in her hair and over her clothes, but like me, she has far bigger things to be concerned about.

They leave the room and my smile fades as I slowly drop into one of the chairs, my face falling. No longer able to keep the mask of strength on my face.

Everything went wrong tonight… This was not what I was expecting to happen.

I wanted to make things right between the rogues and us, to prove that they were just like us… But they’re not, and the painful truth is they don’t like us and never wanted to create an alliance of peace.

Then Jai, Jai shouldn’t have gotten hurt He almost died because of me… How many more people’s lives will I be responsible for in the war that I have created?

I’m terrified. Terrified of what I can possibly do… I killed someone with no hesitation and the most chilling part is, I know I’ll do it all over again if I have to. I look down at my blood-covered hands. Look at the blood behind my fingernails…

Who am I becoming?

Do I even recognise myself?

Is Sebastian hating what I’m becoming?

I’m pathetic, aren’t I? I wanted him to pull me into his arms and tell me it’s going to be ok… or simply just an embrace, glad that I am home, and safe. But instead, he turned his back on me.

I place my head in my hands, brushing my hair back as I try to pull myself from my spiralling thoughts.

My eyes sting with tears but I can’t cry. There’s so much I need to do and to explain to Sebastian….

“Zaia…”

I look up when Atticus enters the room and I quickly sit up looking away as I try to compose myself.

“Hey…”

“Jai’s settled in his room. Valerie has given him something for the pain for when he wakes up. I’m going to head home.”

“No Atticus. Stay, you need rest and it’s not safe.” I say quietly.

“My men are here.” He reassures me.

They were the ones who helped us escape and stopped those wolves that refused to pledge their allegiance to me. Even the rogues had run, clearly fearing their lives. It’s all a mess. I will have to go there and figure out how I’ll protect them.

“How many did we lose?” I ask softly. He looks down, smiling slightly, but it’s something I realise is a reflex to hide his real emotions. “Seven.” He says softly. There’s a sadness in his eyes and although he’s trying to act ok, I know he’s not.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.

Did they have families? Children? Parents?

More deaths…

“It’s alright, this is war, and my pack is ready.” He kneels before me and gives my shoulder a squeeze.

“Zaia, you did what you thought was right. We all misjudge situations. You were incredible out there. I’m damn proud of you. Who would have thought the pregnant woman seeking a home in my pack would become this goddess? You are incredible, Red.”

He brushes my hair back, and I nod.

“Thank you,” I say before he stands up and takes his leave. The words are comforting… but they didn’t come from the man I needed them to come from…

Standing up, I get to cleaning up the blood. Once everything is done and I have rolled the rug away, not wanting the children to see any signs of this tomorrow, I mop the entire floor. Finally, the smell of blood has eased up, replaced by the citrus smell of the cleaning detergent.

I’m still wearing the sweatpants and shirt we had in the getaway car, and I’m still covered in blood. I need a bath Once everything is clean and I’ve disposed of the bloody clothes and towels, I head upstairs. I pop into the children’s room, they’re both fast asleep and I smile softly, feeling warmth fill my heart and I gently caress their hair, about to kiss them when I remember I’m still dirty.

They make me feel stronger. I fuss with the blankets before I gently check Sia’s pulse, frowning. It’s irregular…

She stirs slightly before turning onto her back and I gaze down at her, wishing all her pain and illness were my own.

You will be ok, my angel. We are going to make you better. I peck them ever so lightly, not wanting to get this filthy blood on them and then leave the room glancing at my bedroom door.

I feel nervous. I’m not sure Sebastian is in there, but if he is… he’s going to be angry. I enter the room, and the first thing that hits me is the smell of smoke. Then I see him standing there. He’s only in a pair of sweatpants and he’s freshly showered.

He looks as handsome and sexy as ever as he leans against the wall with a cigarette in his hands; he rarely smokes There’s a deep frown on his face and I don’t know what to say. I walk to my suitcase and take out some yoga pants and a tank top and head to the bathroom to shower.

“So, you won’t address that you fucked up. “He says when I’m about to step into the bathroom, making me pause.

I look over at him, feeling as if I’ve just been punched in the gut.