S3–Chapter 42
Flavian’s POV.
My head was spinning with thousands of thoughts and fears, but with one certainty – I did not want to lose her, and I did not want her to leave my house.
“Manu, before we got into this, I warned you – I am a grown man, know what I want from life, and I want you living with me. don’t need time to know that. I am sure about what I want. Besides, it makes no sense for us to spend part of the week at your apartment and the other part at mine; that’s just geography. Whether there or here, I will be with you every day, unless you don’t want that.” I spoke very seriously so she would consider my words with the weight they truly carried.
She looked at me with the same seriousness, as if weighing my words. At that moment, I worried that the age difference between us might lead us to want different things – that would be like a bucket of cold water over me, and it could be the source of many problems. But I understood that having doubts at her age was natural.
“Maybe you need time to be sure about what you want, and if that’s the case, I understand. You’re still so young, and it’s understandable to have uncertainties. But I really am absolutely certain that I want you here, with me, for as long as this lasts.”
When I finished speaking, my heart was racing with anxiety over her decision. I searched her face for any sign, and I noticed a shadow quickly pass through her eyes. Something I couldn’t quite grasp. Manu took a deep breath; she looked at me with touching intensity, and a heavy silence fell over us. We stayed there, staring at each other, until she finally seemed to make a decision about whatever was going through her mind.
I
“You know what, you’re right – it’s just geography. I don’t need time to know that I want to be with you. These last few months have been the best of my life! Being here with you is the best thing that’s happened to me, and I don’t want to be away; I want to be with you. I have no doubts.” She spoke with conviction, and I could feel the certainty in her decision, could feel that she wanted to stay, but I knew there was something hidden there, something she wasn’t telling me.
“Great! If you know you want to stay with me, why do I feel there’s still something you’re not telling me?”
“Oh, Flavian…” She closed her eyes, and I knew that whatever it was, it was difficult for her to say.
“Little one, be honest, tell me what’s going through that pretty head of yours.”
“Flavian, I was raised in a small town in the countryside, by a mother full of moral convictions who controlled me until the day I left home. Actually, she controlled me even after that, because I always avoided giving her reasons to fight with me or be angry, although not even that worked.” Manu was opening up about a part of her life that I knew was painful.
“I already know your mother affects you in an unhealthy way.”
“It’s more than that. She instilled in me the idea that a woman needs to save herself and only give herself to her husband. That virginity should only be lost on the wedding night. Well, that ship has sailed. But she instilled in me the idea of marriage, that living with a boyfriend, without marriage, is wrong.” Manu sighed.
“You know that’s very old–fashioned, don’t you, Manu?”
“Yes. But my whole life, she drilled into my head that if I wanted to get married, I should stay a virgin, otherwise I would be a worthless slut. She convinced me that no man values a woman who has sex before marriage, that they only use such women for fun. That men just have fun with easy women and then discard them. She taught me this, and it stuck in my subconscious. Rationally, I know times have changed and this thinking is absurd, but something inside me keeps holding me back and making me think about it constantly. I haven’t been able to leave it behind yet.” She took a deep breath. “And I’m afraid that you’re just…
“Ican’t believe you feel this way, Manu.” I didn’t even let her finish speaking. I couldn’t believe she felt bad about what was happening between us or thought I was just taking advantage of her. I knew the speech she had heard all her life; my parents used the same thetoric with my sister to keep her in line. So I tried to stay calm. “Do you think I’m just having fun with you?”
“Oh, Flavian, how can I explain what’s in my head? I know you’re not taking advantage of me, but sometimes I feel guilty for living so freely.” She was getting nervous and apprehensive. I wanted to understand what she was thinking.
1/2
S3–Chapter 42
“Manu, do you regret it?” I was afraid of her answer. What if she did regret it?
+25 BONUS
“Never! I don’t regret it and I never will! I know you’re not just having fun, I know there’s something special between us, but I’m insecure and repressed in my subconscious. Changing beliefs that have been ingrained for a lifetime isn’t easy.”
“I understand. Your mother repressed you in every possible way, and now you’re breaking free, but it’s a slow process and can be quite painful.”
“That’s exactly it.” She breathed, seeming relieved that I understood.
“You’re blooming, little one, becoming who you want to be and not who others expect you to be. That might cause some discomfort. But you need to take the reins of your life and do what you want to do,” I spoke calmly and patiently.
“You’re right,” she said after a while. “You know what, no matter how it goes, for however long it lasts, I want to be with you. When you leave me, I will have all these moments by your side to console myself.”
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