I grabbed the coffee and filled both of their cups, along with mine, to help ease the awkwardness of the moment. As I stood sipping my coffee, waiting for my soul to return to my body, and relishing the warmth on my very sore throat, I cocked my head to the side and asked, “so…. why are you two guarding me exactly? I mean, I’m not complaining, but I’m also confused as to why you’re here.”
They both exchanged a quick, uneasy glance and Viktor cleared his throat. He said, “Um, Miss Sephie, we are following orders. Boss was very clear that we were not to let you out of our sight.”
“Boss? You mean Mr. Lord King Boss Adrik?”
This time, it was Andrei that looked in surprise at Viktor. He asked Viktor a question in Russian. Viktor replied, his eyes now almost as wide as Andrei’s were. Andrei ran his hands through his di rty blonde hair, clearly surprised by whatever information he just learned. I cleared my throat to remind them that they were in my kitchen, and I was still waiting on an answer.
“Mr. Lord King Boss??” they both said in unison.
I laughed at myself for saying the quiet part out loud yet again.
“Um, yeah. I didn’t know who your boss was until last night and I didn’t know what to call him, so I came up with the title Lord King Boss. I mean, it’s authoritative. Strong. Monarchial, if you will. I feel like he should use it freely.”
They both looked at me with their mo uths open, too stunned to reply.
“No? Too much? Ok, but it’s his loss,” I said, nonchalantly, as I plated their food.
As I turned to set their plates down, they were still somewhat stunned. I just started laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation, really. They both started laughing along with me, although I’m not sure they knew what to say to me in that moment.
“Oh, come on, boys. They don’t have sarcasm in Russia? It was a joke. If you boys have been assigned to me, for whatever reason, you’re going to be busy because this mo uth gets me in a lot of trouble most days,” I said with my most demure smile I could muster.
They both shook their heads and laughed as they attacked their bacon and eggs like it was the first time they’d eaten in days.
We ate in silence. I only picked at my food, as it hurt to swallow too much at one time. The coffee initially felt good, but even that was beginning to burn the more I drank.
Viktor noticed my discomfort and said, “soup. Soup will make it feel better.” He pointed to his throat and then pointed to mine.
“Yeah? You say this like you have experience?”
“Da. I’ve been choked out many times.”
“Okay, so that’s terrifying and fascinating all at the same time. Is this a common problem in Russia? Like you’re just walking down the street and ‘oh f u c k, I’m being choked again?’”
Both men started laughing again. Andrei stood up and grabbed both empty plates. There was not a morsel of food left on either plate. For a second, I was considering not even washing them because they already looked so clean. However, Andrei walked to the sink and began washing them himself.
“You can leave that. I’ll wash the dishes,” I said.
“No, Miss Sephie. You cook, I clean.”
“Wow. Do you want to get married?” I said as Viktor laughed at Andrei’s stunned expression. He almost dropped a plate when I asked him that question.
I just winked at him as I went to wipe off my counters.
Viktor pulled his phone from his pants pocket and walked into the living room to answer it, leaving a still stunned Andrei and I alone in the kitchen. He finished washing the dishes and was drying his hands off when he turned to me and asked, “he really told you his name last night?”
“Who did? Viktor? No, he told me this morning.”
“No, Boss.”
“Oh, Adrik? Yes, he told me his name last night when we were in the parking lot. Why?”
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