(BL) Hunting The Field Guide novel Chapter 126

Chapter 126: You are not a monster

Kellen couldn’t exactly deny that the Captain’s concerns weren’t valid. But he’d never thought of Captain Sergei that way, and if he was being honest with himself, he had been intentionally avoiding the Captain on the front lines. His good looks threw him for a loop. He’d always made him uncomfortable and Kellen had always wanted to avoid him because he was worried he wasn’t going to be able to be professional around him. He’d had a way of looking at him on the front lines before that made Kellen feel bare. Now that he knew him better, Kellen had a feeling that he had been imagining Kellen without clothes.

He sighed.

"You don’t have to worry about them." Kellen told him, and the Captain stared at him.

"Why don’t I have to worry about them?" He asked, and Kellen could tell that he was only partially teasing him. He needed an actual answer.

"Well, Sakura’s a girl, and Sergei isn’t my type. Deathly pale isn’t exactly something I find attractive." He snorted, before he threw his head back and laughed.

"Well, I’m glad I don’t fall into either of those categories. Out of curiousity, what do you find attractive?" He asked, and Kellen narrowed his eyes at him.

"I feel like you already know that. I think I told you." His eyes widened at his words, and his face flushed. He cleared his throat.

"Why don’t you humour me by telling me again? You already know some of mine, so I think it’s only fair that I know some of yours. And I don’t remember, if I’m honest with you." Kellen didn’t trust him, but he did also make a good point. Kellen remembered the Captain admitting what his type was. And it wasn’t like anyone hid that the Captain liked muscles. Or him.

He sighed. Kellen wanted to cover his face, but instead he turned his head and stared at the almost bare shelves covered in his sister’s and father’s knick knacks.

"I like men, which I believe we already know. I like people who take on positions of authority, who are attractive, broad shouldered, and you teased me about how I like dark hair." He cleared his throat as the Captain watched him. "I’d like it if they looked good in uniform. Preferably an Esper, since I can’t imagine myself in a long term relationship with a Guide or a civilian, and likes to take care of themselves. I feel like that’s enough." Kellen finished quietly, knowing damn well that what he said revealed a lot, but he didn’t think it was that obvious. He didn’t have a crush on anyone. And they were not dating. They were a pair.

"Oh Kellen, that’s very specific." Kellen glanced at the Captain, and had to do a double take. The man was practically glowing.

"A-Are you alright, Captain?" He asked, concerned and he gave Kellen’s thigh a squeeze. His grin was wide and infectious. He seemed so happy.

"I’m perfect, Kellen. I don’t think I’ve been this happy in a long time. He cleared his throat, still smiling. It looked like he couldn’t help it. "We should get back to something serious, shouldn’t we?" Kellen nodded, and reached for his tea, taking a sip. The Captain’s gaze followed his every moment, and Kellen glanced at him. His eyes narrowed, but it was clear it was in happiness. Kellen had...no idea why, and the Captain seemed happy to not tell him.

"Right, now that you have your tea, I’ll begin. So, I’ve been in a lot of meetings lately, and they’ve been very taxing. With that being said, you should have told me what was going on. Now that you are aware you have my number, you should let me know when things are difficult, or something bad is happening.

Hell, message me anything, really. If some Esper of Guide pisses you off, or something funny happens. Maybe Brent said something rude or hilarious. Just message me. I want to know how your day goes, especially since I’m going to get even busier from this point on. I won’t be able to stop in and check on you for a while." He gave Kellen’s thigh another squeeze, and Kellen raised his tea cup up to his lips so he had something to do.

"I will...do my best." Kellen muttered, lowering the cup and his gaze. The Captain gave his thigh another squeeze.

"Beyond that, the press conference. Are you sure? We’ve released the full video now, and Pamela was saying it’s getting good feedback. But you don’t have to do the press conference if you don’t want to. If you do, I’ll be with you every step of the way. I don’t think what you did was wrong, but the public who don’t in this world will have a hard time accepting it." Kellen noticed that it was his turn to comfort Rhys. Putting his cup down, he reached out and placed his hand on his thigh, giving it a squeeze. The Captain’s eyes widened.

"I was actually planning to do the press conference on my own because I knew that you were busy, and that the public wasn’t going to view this positively. I don’t want to burden you or anyone else this time. I got myself into this mess, I can get myself out." The smile fell from his face.

"I don’t want to see you facing them alone. You have my support. I am here to support you." Kellen really appreciated his vigor when it came to this, even if it sounded a bit desperate.

"Of course. Don’t yours?" He shook his head, his hand stroking Kellen’s cheek where he still had it. His other hand had fallen back to Kellen’s thigh.

"No. I’m an orphan." Kellen froze. What? "They died when an Esper surged about 20 years ago." He continued. "I try not to tell everyone about it, but for some reason I thought you would have already known that, Kellen." Kellen immediately felt like shit.

"I am so so-" He covered Kellen’s mouth with his hand.

"Don’t apologise. You didn’t know. Again, I try not to show off to others my personal life, and no one is going to talk about my dead parents behind my back in the media since I’m an S Class Esper. They especially stopped publishing stories about my dark past once I became a Guild Captain. But even then, it was in bad taste. They were civilians who happened to give birth to a monster." He chuckled, while Kellen’s heart thudded in his chest.

"You aren’t a monster, Captain." He smiled at Kellen’s words, but it was clear he didn’t believe them.

"Thank you for saying so Kellen, but no one agrees with you. Don’t worry, I’m not upset about it. Being one just means I try my hardest not to scare those around me." He smiled at the Guide who looked horrified. "It would devastate me if you ever truly feared me." Kellen didn’t know what to say.

Sure, there were times where the Captain was scary, but he was a powerful man who held himself with a tight leash. He basically never surged, never pushed himself too far, and never used overwhelming force. He was powerful, but didn’t flaunt that power. Enough so that people forgot he was an S Class, like Kellen did. That took serious dedication and self discipline, and as someone who had to have that from a young age since his parents had died as he found out his powers, it made Kellen’s heart ache.

"Did you...find out you were an Esper on the day that the Esper surged?" Kellen asked, already knowing the answer to the question. The Captain nodded, and Kellen sighed, before reaching out and hugging him tightly. The Captain hesitated for only a moment before he hugged Kellen back just as tightly. "You are not a monster. You will never be one." Kellen told him fiercely and he chuckled.

"I can think of only one situation where I could truly become a monster, Kellen. I pray it never comes to be."